What do bridesmaids traditionally pay for at a bachelorette party?
I am in a wedding in October and am getting married myself in December. I just got an email from my friend's MOH saying she booked 6 of us (including the bride) a hotel suite at a beach near to where we live for $147.00 a person, which only includes the hotel room for 2 days. That is wayyy more than what I expected to pay for just a hotel room when there are 4 other people contributing, since we are paying the brides way for the room. I believe we are expected to pay for the bride's meals and alcohol as well as our own all weekend too. This really stresses me out, because I am the only one working out of me and my fiance (he is a FT nursing student) and I support our child as well. So I pay our bills and am contributing to our wedding which is around 45 days later than my friend's wedding. I wrote an email to the MOH explaining that I can't afford to pay for the room as well as my meals & alcohol along with the bride's. I feel awful... (cont'd)

Married: 12/03/2011
Posted On: Jul 26, 2011 at 11:35 PM • Vendors are allowed • Add to My WatchlistFlag As Inappropriate1 like

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Married: 12/03/2011
Jul 26, 2011 at 11:36 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
...because while I'd love to keep my friend (the bride) from spending a cent all weekend, that is not feasible on my budget. Am I being unfair or rude? Because even though I don't think I am, I still feel horrible about it.

Married: 2+ years ago
Reviews: 2
Jul 26, 2011 at 11:39 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
typically the BRIDE pays for nothing and every thing is divided between all the party guest

Married: 2+ years ago
Reviews: 2
Jul 26, 2011 at 11:39 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
but for mine i plan on paying for my share of the room at least not expecting anything or assuming anything

Married: 12/03/2011
Jul 26, 2011 at 11:45 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I wouldn't mind it so much, but most bachelorette parties are only for a night. This is an entire weekend: 2 hotel nights, 6 meals, and 2 nights worth of drinking, and whatever activities they have planned. That's a lot of money.

Married: 05/04/2012
Jul 26, 2011 at 11:53 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I don't think you're being rude... the MOH should have asked what everyone's budget was before she booked the hotel. It's better that you tell her now than back out later.

Married: 06/01/2013
Reviews: 1
Jul 26, 2011 at 11:56 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I think it was kind of rude for her to book the hotel without asking everyone if it would be ok first.
I understand why you feel bad though, I'd hate having to do that :/
Because then you have people mad/disappointed at you but it's not like you wouldn't contribute if you could (does that make sense? lol). Hopefully she's a sensible person and will understand.

Married: 09/10/2011
Jul 26, 2011 at 11:58 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Maybe see if you could join them for just 1 night instead of 2.

Married: 08/11/2012
Reviews: 2
Jul 26, 2011 at 11:58 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
i think she should have consulted you all before going ahead and setting this all up. i don't think that some people realize what responsibilities people have beyond participating in a wedding.

has she replied to your email? i honestly don't think you are being unreasonable, because that is a lot pp for just the room!

Married: 12/03/2011
Jul 27, 2011 at 12:04 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
@Trina, that is exactly how I feel. It's not that I don't want to contribute and I definitely would help for an entire weekend if I could, but I feel like all of the girls are going to end up spending close to $500 a person. The beach we're going to isn't the nicest and it's ridiculously over priced-- the food, the hotel rooms, the alcohol (which is now taxed in the state of Maryland), activities.

@Tiffany, that is what I might end up doing. But then the other 3 girls paying will be stuck splitting the room the second night with one less person so I'll probably look like an @$$ :(

@Jakita, there should have been more communication of what was expected of each bridesmaid and monetary spending. Like I mentioned, most bachelorette parties are a night on the town for 4-6 hours; not whole weekends. So while I feel terrible, I don't think I'm being unreasonable.

No response from the MOH's email yet :-/

Married: 09/10/2011
Jul 27, 2011 at 12:18 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I would rather look like an ass and be able to be with my friend for 1 night than not at all. I would tell them that you have a prior commitment the day you are not able to attend, but don't want to totally miss out. You don't have to be specific as to why you can't stay both nights, or tell anyone that you can't afford it.

Married: 10/07/2011
Jul 27, 2011 at 11:17 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Well everyone I know that has had bach party that was a weekend. Some brides even wanted to go to further away for theirs...... and that's more then $147 for the weekend. I offered to help pay but MOH said no. I will gladly pay for my own food and drinks.
Edited On: Jul 27, 2011 at 11:26 AM

Married: 10/01/2011
Reviews: 3
Jul 27, 2011 at 11:24 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I think my upcoming family bach party is going to cost each person $25-35 for the hotel, $25 or so for dinner and then we are going back to the room to drink and be silly, so about $75 or so for the whole thing.
My second friend Bach party will just be a night out on the town, so it's up to what they want to drink and what they want to buy me to drink- lol.

Married: 08/02/2011
Reviews: 5
Jul 27, 2011 at 11:25 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
nope not rude the MOH was rude- i believe that she should cover the difference and still allow the bride to not have to spend a cent. Your family should be your number one priority not a weekend of fun ( and i believe this is the way you think too) you just have to get that across to the MOH... maybe if you gals had time to save for something so costly..... but the fact is she sucked at communicating so she should cover the difference.

Married: 10/09/2011
Reviews: 9
Jul 27, 2011 at 11:30 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Traditionally the bride isnt supposed to pay and the bridal party is supposed to split it up with the MOH paying a larger amount. That being said this is also for a one night type deal.

I am having a bachelorette cruise which is costing $330 pp plus spending money. I am paying my own, and everyone is paying theirs. Also not all the BMs are going since they can afford it. I am having a night out after my bridal shower so that all of us can do something together. I know that for my bridal shower my MOH asked for donations from the other BMs and then is paying the rest herself.

Married: 10/07/2011
Jul 27, 2011 at 11:32 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
PS- this is about MY bachelorette party and I don't appreciate you all bashing my cousin. She has gone above and beyond for me and I dont' want everyone thinking that she's the bad MOH. If you can't afford it, believe me I understand! I just want all my girls togeter to have a good time.

Married: 11/12/2011
Jul 27, 2011 at 11:37 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Bachelorette parties can get pretty expensive. Typically the bride pays for nothing and the bridesmaids split everything else. Honestly, $147 seems pretty reasonable for 2 nights. I've spent up to $400 on a weekend bachelorette party before. But i do agree that the moh should have definitely told you guys about the fee before booking it.

Married: 08/02/2011
Reviews: 5
Jul 27, 2011 at 11:38 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
If you want all your girls together to have a good time why did the MOH schedule something so big without asking them? Doing so made it so that not all your girls will be there now or that they spend the money just for you when they really shouldnt.

We were going to do something bigger for mine but decided against it so that everyone could be there. Discussions happened and plans were changed. Its just the considerate thing to do when asking people to pay that much money now a days. Not everyone can afford something like that.

Married: 08/02/2011
Reviews: 5
Jul 27, 2011 at 11:39 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
@jazleen its 147 per person! and theres 6 people... do the math! TOO MUCH! maybe not for all groups of people, but it sounds like ti is for this group.
Edited On: Jul 27, 2011 at 11:40 AM

Married: 10/07/2011
Jul 27, 2011 at 11:47 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
@Anjuli- They all did know about it. And she had PLENTY of ideas. We originally picked something cheaper and some of my bridesmaids just didn't want to go there so we changed it again and since nobody would commit to anything she had to make a decision. It is that much a night because we got a suite so everyone could be together because then everyone was like I wanna stay with so and so and that was going to be an issue. I do have friends that can't come because of their budget so we are doing a local thing in September for all who couldn't make it. It's not like she's demanding people. Either you can or can't do it.

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Married: 2+ years ago
Reviews: 6
Jul 27, 2011 at 11:53 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Agree with others. Nothing should have been booked without the consent of EVERYONE who was expected to pay. The planning should have been joint, as well, so that this issue could have been addressed at the front end, and the plan could have been something everyone can afford. (E.g., VRBO.com rentals for groups are usually MUCH more affordable.)

That said, if the other BMs are intent on this plan, you should not feel badly at ALL if you can't go AT ALL or if you can only go for one night. Really, in this situation, you're not "sticking" them with anything. They stuck themselves with it when they made plans without consulting everyone. Do what you have to do, and remember that a bachelorette party is not the end-all. Being at the wedding is the important part.
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