What do bridesmaids traditionally pay for at a bachelorette party?

Oh and she doesn't suck at communicating. I've seen the emails. It's the lack of response from everyone else. She has been trying to figure this out for months!!! It's not like all of a sudden. We've had these dates picked since the beginning of the year because of work schedules.

Yikes! This thread feels a bit awkward now.....*nervous laughter*

OK, my opinion? Your estimated cost of $500 for the entire weekend isn't that bad. I realize that *most* bachelorette parties are only one night, but I've been to plenty that have been an entire weekend and I'll even be going to vegas for my friends bachelorette party next year and that will definitely be over $500. It's going to be tough for me since it's less then two months after my own wedding, so I can understand where you are coming from there, but I'm saving for it already since I know it's coming up.

Ultimately, if you can't afford it, you can't afford it and it sounds like your friend understands....

They knew how much they were going to be paying? why does the OP seem like she didnt?

I totally understand the lack of commitment and having to make a decision- the BM in our wedding had to do that for FH's party. He ended up paying the difference for those who couldnt make it/put enough in.

IMO its kind of sad that a Bridesmaid is having to deal with this- all bridesmaids should be able to feel like they can attend wo breaking the bank. Friends- well those are another issue.. if they can come they come- if not then its ok and have a little celebration later.

A suite cost you that much? I spent that much on a penthouse in Maui for a week. Really nice penthouse too-top floor, hot tub, 2bdrm, a view, the whole shebang! It was a VRBO rental.

@ kelly- shes thinking $500 per person if i understand correctly..... for a weekend in a not so nice expensive town..... if it were vegas/cancoon id understand.....

But i agree- sounds like your friend understands. Just sucks because I feel your pain in wanting to be a part of something but not having the financial means to do so. Being a bridesmaid includes all these duties brides bestow upon them, and enjoying the bach. party with the bride is a reward in my mind.

Not opining on whether/how planning was communicated, but I think my advice still stands. If MOH/other BMs had to go ahead and make plans because of a lack of response, then they already know they cannot count on everyone's participation. So Amanda D., do what is best for you in light of other fiancial obligations, and if you can't go, then you can't. Doesn't sound like it's an issue.

If you can't afford to pay for the 2 nights plus meals/drinks, ect.. then I would either stay just one night or not stay at the suite. You mentioned that it's not too far from where you live. However, I would plan on helping to pay for the bride's expenses for the times you are there. A real friend will understand any financial strain you are under right now (especially with your own wedding coming up!)

Exactly. I completely understand! I've offered to help pay but "not allowed". Believe me, I will be bringing my share of money and paying whenever I can get away with it. I would be super bummed if Amanda can't make it, but I'm not going to be mad at her. I just felt the need to stick up for my MOH because she is not here to defend herself. There is no way I expect everyone to pay $500 each for the weekend!

@ maria- you could always give a amanda a BM gift.. and make it be money! What you wish to get your girls as BM's gifts is up to you

That would be a good idea but I already bought all my gifts for the WP!

Wow thats $367 per night. This is pricier than 5 stars resort in Vegas. I would talk to the moh about alternative. Or maybe one join them for 1 night.

Anjuli i did do the math... i copied the amount from her post.

i've seen this happen many times... i have a lot of older realtives and been part of bachelorette parties. everyone says great idea sounds wonderful. moh sends out email after confirming the reservations and everyone starts backing out and everyone else has to cover the cost for the people who back out.

if you can't go the bride seems like she really wouldnt be upset so everything should be fine.

@ maria bummer. So out of curiosity what drew u ladies to this town the MOH booked? as apposed so somewhere else? Must be something real fun!

Well amanda i guess you know what you have to do and dont feel bad about it maria seems to be ok what you must do. Its her opinion that matters.

I'm probably not having a traditional bachelorette party because my one cousin who is in my wedding is only 13, and another is only going to be 17. Idk what my bridesmaids are going to do... maybe they will do a night at dave n busters (so the young ones can be involved)

@Anjuli- because it was the cheapest beach town near us. We originally picked a city which was cheaper but everyone wanted to do the beach!

@Jazleen M.- thanks for understanding!

O the joys of beaches being more expensive just because they have sand and water! I hate that.

I do agree that the MOH should have figured out what everyone's budget was before she started making plans and no I don't think you are being rude; but I'm not going to fake the funk I do expect my BM's & MOH to handle the whole party.. FH & I are already paying for everything wedding related and on top of that I have school plus our regular monthly bills... The last Thing I want to have to worry about is having to pay for my own party... IMO if one of my BM's can't handle it just like you did they need to speak up!!! You didn't do anything wrong and at least you let her know ahead of time, that way she has time to make other arrangements!

What about possibly inviting a few more of her close friends/family members to help bring the costs down?

Don't feel bad, it's not your fault. I think that they would understand if you explained it to them.

I don't think it's rude at all. It WOULD be rude if you went the whole weekend and at the end said... oops... don't have enough to cover my share! I kept begging my MOH to downgrade my bachelorette party because one of my closest friends is in a similar position to you and I didn't want to A) bankrupt her or B) not have her come. It was more important to me that she be there than have a crazy weekend away. My MOH finally obliged! (It shouldn't cost people more than about $50 and less if they don't drink. Fortunately for them, I'm a lightweight too so they'll only have to put in a few bucks for my drinks! ) Hopefully the MOH you're dealing with will understand your situation and realize that the bride would prefer to have you there and do something less expensive then have a weekend away without you. Try coming up with alternative locations. Or seeing if you can downgrade it to one night if that's something you can see being affordable.

Also - look into adjoining rooms (with a door)! You'll get the space you need and all be in the same area, but it might be less.

And I just read the whole thing... and even if the MOH wasn't getting responses, she should have sent out the budget (or gotten input from the girls) before booking something. However, most places allow you to cancel up until pretty last minute now. See if you can switch rooms. @Maria - I'm sure you'd rather have all your BMs with you than not, right?

Oh hey, just a tip for saving money on drinks for the bride. Give her a checklist with several things she has to do. Things like "Kiss a Stranger" or "Do a Body Shot". Have one of the boxes be "Get a Shot from a Stranger". Check off all the boxes except that one and then go up to random people and say "Can you help me out? I have to finish this whole list and my last thing is to get a shot from a stranger!".

Free shots all night!