Should we just elope??
My boyfriend and I are discussing marriage in the not so distant future. I should be happy, but I'm already dreading the idea of planning a wedding.

First, my grandparents and many of my family members (aunts, uncles, first cousins) are rude, petty, and judgmental. They constantly put me down and ridicule me. They are also very religious and will not respect our choice to have a nonreligious wedding.

Second, I would like my best friend to be my maid of honor since I don't have any sisters and consider her to be like a sister. However, her parents do not get along with my mother and have a history of teasing and bullying her at other events.

Third, my boyfriend's sibling does not believe in marriage or even relationships. He is very condescending and stirs up trouble at family gatherings.

His mother would be devastated if we did not have a large wedding celebration. I, too, always dreamed of my special day. I just don't know if it will be possible.

What would you do?

Married: 10/18/2014
Posted On: Jul 15, 2011 at 11:47 PM • Add to My WatchlistFlag As Inappropriate1 like

14 Comments | Login or Signup to post a comment!

Married: 07/27/2012
Reviews: 8
Jul 15, 2011 at 11:51 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I would give it a chance. This only happens once and hopefully your families will act civil

Married: 12/31/2011
Jul 15, 2011 at 11:58 PM • 
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Married: 11/12/2011
Jul 16, 2011 at 12:09 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I was going to elope because i love the idea.. my family is what changed my mind.. Im glad they did though. You should do what you want. If you want a wedding then do it.. If you think it will be to much stress then go off and elope. It really is romantic!

Married: 08/20/2011
Reviews: 3
Jul 16, 2011 at 1:57 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Eloping is not romantic. And your reasonings for doing it are to avoid YOUR LIFE! Sorry, but these people are your life. Running off and getting married in secret isn't going to prevent drama. It's only going to ignite it.

I say have a small ceremony. Invite immediate family and the friends you are closest to. Remind them every step of the way that THIS is what you ahve chosen. They can respect your decisions, realize this is you and your FH's day- or not attend.

But most importantly, don't discuss planning with them. Just tell them to show up the day of...
Edited On: Jul 17, 2011 at 6:33 PM

Married: 2+ years ago
Reviews: 1
Jul 16, 2011 at 2:01 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Im with Meghan.

Married: 11/17/2012
Reviews: 3
Jul 16, 2011 at 2:48 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I agree on an intimate wedding. Use that as an excuse not to invite those who aren't interested in truly celebrating your wedding with you. Make it a crowd of 50 or less. An intimate wedding is no more rude than eloping.

Married: 05/05/2012
Reviews: 5
Jul 16, 2011 at 4:04 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Do not elope because of other people, do what makes you happy. And like someone said here, just dont invite people you dont want to. Good luck.

Married: 10/18/2014
Jul 16, 2011 at 7:40 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Thanks for the advice, all! I think what people aren't realizing, though, is that I have a small circle of family and friends and the people I mentioned above comprise the majority of it, NOT the minority. If I failed to invite them, I might only have a couple of people left to invite. I also think it would ignite major drama if I kept people like his only sibling, my grandparents, or my best friend out of the wedding. I don't really know how I could explain that. But thank you for helping, I do understand your point of view!

Private User
Married: 2+ years ago
Reviews: 6
Jul 16, 2011 at 8:03 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Have you considered a small destination wedding? Perhaps your non-immediate family members and FH's brother would not spend the time and money to travel when they don't approve, and you could just have both your parents, your MOH, and any other supportive people. Tell your parents to check their differences with MOH's parents at the door for your wedding day.
Sometimes, when the relationship is that bad, it's freeing. E.g., why would you worry about damaging relationships by leaving people (your, ahem, extended family members, FH's brother) out of your wedding plans when they already treat you so poorly? So they don't speak to you for a while...yay? Then why invite them?

In short, my advice is not to worry about doing it large, just make sure you do it special. My FH and I decided a traditional wedding wasn't what we wanted, even if it was what everyone else wanted, and we are SO much happier with a DW!
Edited On: Jul 16, 2011 at 8:14 AM

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Married: 2+ years ago
Reviews: 6
Jul 16, 2011 at 8:07 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
And btw, I totally disagree that eloping can't be romantic and that it, or a DW, is rude. No one has the right to expect you to have a particular size or type of wedding. Eloping can be a very romantic option, IMO, but not if your heart isn't in it. Then again, having a string of relatives poo-pooing your wedding on your wedding day doesn't exactly sound inspiring, either.
I've said it before and I'll say it again (and I said it to FH many, many times during planning), I don't care if we have 500 people at our wedding, or whether we go to a JOP and celebrate at our favorite Mexican restaurant, as long as it is special and meaningful to us. Only you and FH are truly necessary for that, but having people who actually are special to and supportive of you, maybe going to a special place, etc. - those are the elements you'll remember, not the 200 guests who flew by in a receiving line. Just my 2 cents....

Edited On: Jul 16, 2011 at 8:20 AM

Married: 2+ years ago
Jul 16, 2011 at 9:57 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I totally agree with Meghan

Wedding: [Private]
Jul 17, 2011 at 6:29 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I do not think it's rude to elope, and I personally find it offensive that other people think so. It is your wedding, not theirs.

I've seen some very sweet and romantic elopements. Running off to Vegas might not be, but I've seen some beautifully planned elopements and intimate weddings.

Only elope if you feel comfortable doing so. But I think you can still have a beautiful wedding even if you have fewer people.

I'm a fan of Small Wedding Style. They have featured some really beautiful small weddings. Some of my favorites

Beach Wedding

Paris Elopement

Garden Elopement

Puerto Vallarta Elopement

North Carolina Courthouse

And this one is just GORGEOUS!

Married: 08/15/2012
Jan 12, 2012 at 3:44 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
How does your fiancee feel about it? Are you both on the same page? If so, it sounds like it might be the right thing for you. It's something I've given lots of thought to myself.
Here's my pep talk: all those wedding vendors out there that say you deserve the wedding you want are right -- you do. In this case it's just not exactly what they had in mind :) 
Eloping can be intimate and personal in way that a larger wedding can't. Most people will be able to understand why you don't want a big wedding and no matter how you tie the knot, your friends and family will want a chance to congratulate you and share in the celebration with you if you decide to have some sort of party after the fact.

Here's something you should read:

Wedding: 12/13/2015
Aug 28, 2015 at 7:26 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I agree on doing what makes you happy. My SO and I I guess *technically* aren't eloping because it's planned, but I'm not sure if you've researched in your area a "Wedding for Two." We're planning one in December at a historic bed and breakfast, and we're keeping it a secret. No guests, no family. My family has drama and would ruin my day.

I've been engaged before, but this time feels infinitely more romantic. :) Because it's just us two and nobody really knows, the very little planning we'd have to do we're doing together. There's something huge to be said about the romance factor of keeping a wedding secret, and just between you and the person you love. I'm still buying a dress, hiring a photographer, and our package includes a mini two-tiered cake with a top for freezing and eating on our anniversary and a champagne toast. We couldn't be happier or more excited, and we love that it's our little secret. He's so excited that he's going away for a weekend and then going back to work a happily married man. :)

Wedding: 12/13/2015
Aug 28, 2015 at 7:28 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
BTW if you're interested, Weddings for Two are very trendy right now with B&Bs and wineries. New Orleans has some great ones, we really wanted to do that but we're instead doing Texas, which is where we live, just because of some logistic factors. :)

If not for this concept I don't think I'd have agreed to elope. My brother's courthouse wedding was SO impersonal - the judge made me SICK - and I decided I never wanted to do that.
Edited On: Aug 28, 2015 at 7:29 AM
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