Would you participate in a “fake” wedding?

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It's not illegal to have a fake wedding/lie to your guests. As long as they don't try to file a marriage license, they're fine.

I agree that I would talk to your friend. The one you made the offer to. What seems like the most likely explanation is that they booked a venue and all the associated wedding *things*, thinking her divorce would be finalized, and then the divorce hit a snag. Sometimes it's exceedingly costly to postpone a wedding, so keeping the date and having a commitment ceremony is a completely logical choice, as long as everyone who matters is aware of it. If you became aware of it, it's clearly not the most secret of knowledge. Talk to your friend and hear what he has to say. This is probably what they want to consider their "real" wedding, with the legal technicalities being a side note. Fun fact, my ex and I got married several months before our "wedding" for financial reasons. My fiance and his ex-wife were not legally married until several months AFTER their "wedding", because the license got lost in the mail, and they had to completely redo it. Stuff happens. The real wedding is whatever the bride and groom say is their real wedding.

View Quoted Comment In the same category as, you can use any name you want to. It is not illegal as long as you don't intend to deceive anyone. But if friends and family think there should is a real marriage, now, many may go out and spend $200-$300 per wedding present, having been told the real ceremony is happening at a destination site. And if they knew it was not actually happening, til some date in the future, they might not give gifts until the marriage a dually happens, legally. So the deception is likely deceiving people into giving in gifts, when they are not married. And if they are registered, they can use the special rates to buy stuff not purchased, something only legally right if the actually got married. So, the deception would turn me off. As a friend, I would go through a commitment celebration, if told that is what it was. But end if the day, these people's friends will think they are married. And they are not. I wouldn't gift my time and services to someone who lies to me. . . . When your lies or misrepresentation serve to get you things you would not otherwise have gotten, it actually is not legal. No one is likely to try to get gifts back. But treating friends and family badly usually leads to problems later with those relationships. A week after the party, if something happens medically, they are not each other's next of kin. And who knows, they may never marry when the divorce is final. I am not Lutheran or Catholic, like many people in my and my husband's families. My MIL and my grandmother, one each, would flip out celebrating the marriage of a couple when one is legally married to someone else. Unlike many, they think divorce not an annulment does end a marriage. But they pray for people, and for God's blessing on the couple. And so may some of this couple's friends and family. . . . . If the couple think this is perfectly okay, why aren't they telling people the truth?

We are getting legally married in Illinois right before our destination wedding in Mexico. To us it’s just a technicality, our celebrated wedding anniversary will always be our Mexico date. I think it’s silly for guests/vendors to dig that deep into someone’s marriage/wedding. Maybe it’s just me 🤷‍♀️ But weddings have more symbolic meaning than legal meaning to me. If it was all about legal meaning everyone would do a quick courthouse and be done with it. So who cares if it’s entirely symbolic, imho.

View Quoted Comment But why not tell people, and be honest about it?

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I agree, and if I were shelling out $$$ to go to Mexico, bring a gift and realize that we were lied to, that the real wedding was in a courthouse, yeah......I would be angry. And disappointed.

View Quoted Comment Everyone we have told so far has been entirely supportive! I guess it depends on your crowd 😊 plus since we live in the USA it makes more sense to be legally married in our country of residence. However Mexico has a lot of symbolic meaning for us. And everyone in our circle understands that, so it works for us!

View Quoted Comment So far we have told people that we are close to, and we are going to be completely honest with everyone else! We have had all positive feedback about our legal courthouse wedding and symbolic Mexico wedding 😊

View Quoted Comment So there is the rub. These people should tell their friends and family, trust them. Happily, you have simply explained things, and people have been supportive.

View Quoted Comment I’m also good friends with her ex. They have an 18 month old daughter that is my godchild. He willingly told me the info out of the blue. Why? Because she asked me to move out her stuff the his house. She hadn’t packed up her things yet and he wanted it out!
I honestly am more upset that she lied to me again. If he’s ok and she is ok — then so be it but at least be honest.

View Quoted Comment That’s the thing — they aren’t honest. It all started out bc her 8 year old daughter was so upset with the wedding. She said she hated that her mommy was a liar. I didn’t know what she was taking about and the MOH told me. I thought they were both confused. I’m godmother to her 18 month old so I thought I was someone she’d at least be honest with. I’m spending $1000 on flowers plus time and just lied to me. They can do what they want... I just don’t being lied to.

View Quoted Comment Yeah, I spoke to her today. She was honest with me and told me she didn’t want to finalize things because her spousal maintenance would stop.

View Quoted Comment It’s more being lied to. I’m her 18 month old daughter’s god mother so I thought I was more than just the florist. Asked about it today and she told me “If we were divorced, my spousal support would have stopped. I didn’t want that to stop because I needed money. And I had to tell you I was divorced bc (her fh’s name) didn’t know I hadn’t filed when we got together and didn’t until February. I didn’t want him to be upset so I told everyone that I was already getting divorced. Things moved fast and it’s no one’s business. Sorry I lied to you but I need my flowers done.”

View Quoted Comment Very similar situation — I spoke to my friend today and she told me that she lied to everyone because her FH didn’t know she was still married when they got together or engaged. She filed in February though but told me that her ex was fighting spousal support if she was already living in a new house/engaged. But the judge said to keep paying spousal support because she isn’t married. She didn’t want the payments to stop. She said she only lied because she didn’t want people to know and she needed me to do her flowers.

Well....given the information in your last updates, I’m changing my answer. No chance I would do the flowers now. None. I would take no part in what she is doing. Wow.

OK so i feel like you promised to do the flowers so not doing them makes you ??????????

Secondly think about it from the same perspective as everyone on here who is judging her. She probably is keeping it a secret to avoid exactly what you and others are doing passing judgement without knowing the facts. If you are planning a wedding like myself you know you have signed several contracts, placed several NON- REFUNDABLE deposits and that gets costly. no one knows how long divorce proceeding will linger. Some take 6 months some take 6+ years. If they love each other and your intentions was to gift them the flowers to support their love what's changed they still love each other. What happen to loving our friends and family unconditionally. Is it really your place to say "fake" marriage the Love, vows and symbolism is still there.

View Quoted Comment Yikes. This is all very weird. You have to do what you feel is best.

No, I wouldn’t help out a friend who was purposely not getting married so they could continue getting spousal support from their ex even though they have a new “spouse”. I also would make sure my friend knew that her ex could use her “wedding” against her in a spousal support case by showing that she was “married” to someone else but didn’t want to let him off the hook for payments. She may still end up losing spousal support if he can prove what she’s doing.

These posts are such eye rolls to me. It baffles me that this offends people. Either you support your friend or you don't.

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I totally agree. My husband and I had paid many nonrefundable deposits for our day, but had a quickie at the JP, so I could get health insurance. Health insurance was better than people judging me for having a "fake" wedding. We can never judge how we would react until we are in that situation.