Would you go to a wedding if you got invited 2 weeks before the wedding date because you were Blist

Who was hosting the shower? Is it possible that the host invited you to the shower accidentally not knowing you were not invited to the wedding and then when you showed up the bride was like oh shit that's rude I should invite her now?

@Amanda - this is the internet. We are not going to fart glitter and rainbows. We tell it like it is. Blunt honesty =/= rude.

Is it going to be a fun party? I'd go if I knew people there and there was an open bar

You were invited to her shower but didn't invite you to the wedding?? And then she VERBALLY invited you to the wedding, 2 weeks before?? HELL NO. Plus I would no longer consider that person a friend. Ew.

This happened to me a few years ago. A friend (living in Maryland) sent me (living in Massachusetts) an invitation to his wedding three days before the RSVP due date. His excuse was that *all* the invitations had gone out late. I declined to attend.

Amanda, I fail to see what Jeleebenz said that was rude. She's planned numberous weddings for her family and her advice is always spot on.

It's the internet. You don't have the power to give anyone a time out.

I've been B-listed and still gone, and it was a good time! I feel like there are a lot of etiquette rules that you wouldn't necessarily feel offended by until you start looking into it yourself. Like, the fact that so many people ask about honeyfunds, and all the relatives/FHs that encourage them, makes me think that they're not intuitively offensive to many people. But once you hear other people say they're rude, you're more likely to perceive it as rude the next time you come across it. In my case the B-list was from a friend who is closer to other people in the circle (who were A-listed) than to me, so it totally made sense that I wouldn't be on the short list. But since I knew many people there, it was of course a really fun night for us! I feel like now that I've been on WW I obviously know more about what is against etiquette than before I got engaged, but I try not to let something offend me if it wouldn't have offended me before I learned it was against the "rules."

I think in your situation it would be more upsetting because you are closer (I'm assuming you've kept in touch since college and are still really close) and you probably expected to be in the first tier. But, is it worth losing your friendship over? If you don't go, will you be sitting at home sulking/pouting? It seems like if you go, it would still be a lot of fun. I would never attend/not attend a wedding out of spite, unless I had decided that the friendship was over. As we all know, there are always a lot of difficulties with wedding planning, especially the guest list. If I didn't know someone's financial situation, family dynamics, etc. I would try not to get offended. Maybe her parents are paying for everything and gave her a really small number of spots for her friends. And maybe the person who threw her shower didn't realize you weren't already invited, but just invited you because they knew you were an old friend?

If I were free that night and had nothing better to do, I would go! But if I had already made plans (that seemed like more fun), I might subtly point out that with more notice I could've gone but that I already have plans. But, then I would wish her the best, and try not to ruin the friendship if it's otherwise good.

That happened to me once. My invitation to a wedding (and I had already gone to the bridal shower) somehow didn't make it on the calligrapher's list. When the bride was cross checking the list because she hadn't received my rsvp, she called and asked if I was coming. I said my invitation never arrived. She flipped a lid and came over and hand delivered an invitation right then. Stuff happens sometimes. I went and it was wonderful. I wouldn't be spiteful. Literally, sometimes stuff happens. I always presume good intentions until I know otherwise.

It's very rude of her, but at the same time I would never turn down a free meal and party. Give a small gift because of her rudeness, or just a card.

I think it would be insulting to her for you to go to the wedding and only give her a card, to make up for the insult she showed you by inviting you to her shower and then B-listing you.

She invited you to the bridal shower but not the wedding? Hell Nah. She's basically saying she wants a free gift outta you and originally had no intentions to pay you back with a dinner and drinks UNTIL someone more important dropped out. And she will expect another present. All of the fucks no.

@Crescent1894 - I think there is a big difference between "things happen" and being B listed.

5 years ago my nephew from my husband's side got married. My 2 oldest DDs are DH's stepdaughters, so they are not biologically related to his side. DH's brother and sister in law treat my girls like true family. You will never meet better people that those 2. It was their son who was getting married.

They had called to get my girls' addresses for the invitations. Long story short BIL thought his wife had updated the spread sheet and she thought he had done it. My girls never received their invitations. We have gone through weddings and know that guests lists sometimes need to be cut so we just figured that had happened for nephew's wedding.

2 days before the wedding SIL calls because they are doing the seating chart and she realizes they never received my girls' RSVPs. She called and we told her they hadn't received invitations. She was mortified at their mistake and was apologizing profusely. I called my girls, they got sitters and we all had a wonderful time. My girls were raised to be kind and forgiving when mistakes happen. No hard feelings at all.

That is very different than being B listed. You weren't forgotten in an honest mistake, you didn't make the cut and now you are being invited because others declined.

Depends on who the person is and close you are. I agree that you shouldn't invite someone to the shower if they can't go to the wedding though.

I wouldn't. I got invited to a wedding the DAY OF. Sad thing is, they're family AND live right next door to my mom. We didn't go. Then they had the nerve to add a seat for their daughter on the RSVP for my wedding. Kind of wish I hadn't invited them at all.

I was B-listed before. I actually went to the wedding. But once I thought about it after the wedding was over, I felt salty about it. Not because I wasn't invited to begin with but because I felt like a seat filler after the fact. Needless to say, that person is not receiving an invite to my wedding.

@MN Bride her aunt was and you have a great point. Thanks guys for sharing. Everyday I learn so much from you ladies because before WW there was some things I didn't find as rude when it comes to wedding now I'm just like really. @ Holly you are right I might regret it if I don't go.

I definitely wouldn't go! That is so tacky to invite someone to a bridal shower and not the wedding. Rude.

No way. I walk through life believing I am A List material. If I believe it, so do those who know me. No kidding -- it works. B List? No, I'm not the girl sitting on the bench at gym class waiting for someone to sprain their ankle so that I get one more chance to participate in the big game. The minute you start allowing yourself to occupy a position on the B List -- whatever the occasion -- you've done a grave disservice to yourself.

I could get into the etiquette failures related to B Lists, but I'd rather tell women to think more of themselves than some gift-seeking couple do. It goes just like this: "Oh, hell...guess who declined? Jim and Tara. How could they miss our big day? Oh well, we have two empty seats, honey! Who's on your B-List? Should we invite your B-List couple or mine?" The only proper response, for a self-respecting woman is "Regretfully Declines (and I wish they'd skip the "regretfully" part)".