Worried about uninvited guests showing up at reception

I'm so sorry, that sounds like such a stressful situation.

Maybe if your parents are already worrying about their reputation they could try being proactive about it? Start to spread the word among their friends: "Unfortunately, Daughter and FSIL are having to limit the size of their wedding somewhat because of the venue, which simply will not be able to accommodate extras on the day of. If you happen to hear any rumors that the future in-laws are chatting about the wedding, please help us spread the word that the event is by formal, written invitation only and that unfortunately, we just won't be able to include the entire community." This could be perceived as trash talking and start drama between the families, though, so obviously up to you if you think it's a good idea or not!

I definitely agree that FH needs to have a serious talk with his mom. Something like: "Mom, I'm so glad that you're excited about this wedding. I know you want to include the whole community, and it means the world to me that you're proud of me and that you love my fiancée. I need to be absolutely clear with you, though, that you must stop inviting people to the wedding, and you must let anybody who wasn't on our guest list know that unfortunately, we won't be able to accommodate them. As you know, our venue only seats XX people, and we're following the American custom of a formal seated dinner where guests must RSVP. I understand this isn't what you wanted, and I know there are more people you want to include. Unfortunately, I'm getting worried that you've told so many people that we're going to have a very awkward scene at the wedding when security is forced to keep people out who were not formally invited, because there simply will not be a way to include more than XX people showing up at the event. At this point, your actions are causing my fiancée's parents to worry about how they are being perceived in the community. We want this wedding to be a time of joy and celebration, not confusion and hurt feelings. I'm sorry if it feels awkward for you now that you've told so many people, and we need you to help make it right."

That's really a problem. To give notice near the entrance that" people with wedding card only" and to put a few seat in the periphery may be helpful. Coming people could register before entering. But you'd better to prepare more tables and seats. Just my advice.

That's really a problem. To give notice near the entrance that" people with wedding card only" and to put a few seat in the periphery may be helpful. Coming people could register before entering. But you'd better to prepare more tables and seats. Just my advice.

My friend and I were travelling in Cambodia and hired a driver for the day. Based on that we were invited to his daughter's wedding. It was in a big community type hall but there were so many people that it spilled out on to the street and they arbitrarily closed off one half of it. It was amazing, but crazy. And certainly not something I would ever expect to work in a US context. I guess the best you can do is try and lock down the details as best as you can. Maybe show your FMIL your budget and invoices. Say you don't have enough money and will have to skimp on the "lavish" details which may embarrass her and you in front of her friends and the Cambodian community?

It's useless to tell her that we can't afford a big wedding. Communication makes no difference with her. There's also the language barrier which makes it hard to politely explain to her why her expectations cannot be met. Cambodian parents are very set in their traditional ways and custom. I will try everything in my power to prevent my wedding from turning into a big clusterf*ck. it will be hard, especially if FH fails to reason with her.

Maybe she could throw you a big reception on another date, in the fall? She can pay for it and invite whoever she wants?

She has no money to do such a thing. That's why she's trying to force this on us, like she did to her oldest daughter at her wedding. I think she really believes that we won't turn away people. FH may not have the nerve to, but I have no problem doing so. We would just have to deal with the backlash that would come from it after the wedding.

F the reputation concerns - turn people away. It's your event, not hers. She is incredibly out of line... I don't care what the culture is, you don't go around inviting people to an event you are not paying for!

Aside from the fact that none of us are Cambodian, your FMIL sounds like my FMIL. Our venue has a max and we are already right at it for our guest list with our family/close friends. FH and I told his mom that she has 6 spots on the guest list she can customize with whoever she'd like of her friends (we also have several of her friends already on our list in addition to these 6 spots). She replied with an email naming about 20 or so more people and said they will "expect to be invited". I'm worried it might be because she is verbally inviting them without asking us or checking our guest list. I don't have any new advice, unfortunately. I think those of us with this problem may just have to have security or the wedding coordinator turning people away at the door.

That sounds rough, Lauren. I think FH will have to tell her, "I'm glad you're enthusiastic about the wedding. Unfortunately, we'll have to ask you to stick to the 6 spots, because as you know, our venue has a strict limit and we want to have an intimate wedding. I understand that you, and the remaining 14, will be disappointed. Please go ahead and let them know gently now, so that we don't have any embarrassing misunderstandings and have to turn people away at the door."

I think your FH needs to be very direct, "Mom, I know it is hard for you to understand but this is not a traditional Cambodian wedding in any aspect. You need to realize that there will be no seats and no meals for the people you are inviting and they will not be admitted to the reception as we are hiring security and only those on our list will be admitted. YOU will be very embarrassed when all these people you are inviting are turned away so you need to fix this now. You made this mess and we and her parents are not going to pay the price for it."

He needs to be extremely direct since she isn't listening.

He's going to talk to her today. I already told him what the scenario will be if she doesn't listen. We'll just have to wait and see if she will heed our warnings.

I hope you will come back and update us!

@Jeleebeenz I definitely will! There's never a dull moment since that woman came into my life. My best friend even asked me if I was sure that I want to marry into that family lol. I just take everything that has to do with her with a grain of salt. And I try to keep her at arm's length. FH is such a mama's boy that it's hard to avoid her sometimes.