Will I be missing out on the experience?

I think you can do a nice wedding on a budget. Not sure if you are religious, but I know someone who married in the church and had a nice reception there serving cake and punch. No music was played or anything else, but the decorations she did were lovely and tasteful, and it was one of the best weddings I ever went to. It just wasn't in their budget to do a really expensive wedding, so they worked with what they had. I think you should do whatever you want. Even if you decide to marry at the courthouse, buy a dress and go out for a lovely dinner with friends afterwards or whatever you wanna do.

It's a very personal choice. Give yourselves some time to just enjoy being engaged and wait to make the decision.

Do some research on options and that may help you decide.

There is no rush!

Congratulations Ashley on your engagement! It sounds like you both are on the same page already ... you want a nice wedding but not with a lot of people and he wants a party with friends and family (what's his definition of a party with family and friends?). To me, the biggest decision has already been made; family and friends. IMO, you can still wear a beautiful dress to the courthouse and have nice decorations wherever you are.

May I ask you both to do something? Each write, on your own and without influence from each other, what your ideal wedding day would include. Location. Time of day. Decor and vendor list (if any). Wardrobe. Guest count. What would be served (food and bev). How would that be served. Atmosphere. Time taken for ceremony and celebrating with family guests.

To me, "The whole wedding experience" is so personal. To one person it might be like that of the scene from The Godfather. To someone else it might be an intimate Carrie and Mr. Big courthouse wedding. But both are equally "the whole wedding experience". I wonder how truly different you and your fiancé's wedding experience expectations are.

My advice is to avoid going to the courthouse, but instead hire an officiant and get married at some local gorgeous place. Think of it something like a local elopement---you get an officiant and a small group of family and friends, go to a gorgeous garden, or the beach, or lakeside near you, and get married. Much more beautiful and special than the courthouse, but won't cost you thousands either. That way you still have a wedding experience, but it doesn't need to be huge if you don't want it to be huge.

I was really worried about that myself as I had dreamed of a wedding my whole life. Looking back I feel like I would have been happy with the courthouse but I did love our wedding day. I would say to go with small and simple but to just enjoy the process and not stress about it.

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I like @AMW's suggestion and would have made the same! Hire an officiant, buy the beautiful dress, and get married in a beautiful location.

Sounds like an elopement or a tiny (think only parents) DW would be a good fit for you guys. Lots of places have super cheap packages, you get your honeymoon, and you can have a tiny wedding for $2-3k easily, especially if you go somewhere like Mexico.

I really like AMW suggestion, it seems like a great compromise between courthouse and big wedding.

When we got engaged, I thought, okay, we'll just have a small party and that'll be that. Then I thought I wanted the whole wedding thing. So we found a venue, I got an off the rack dress and we started buying decorations (DIY everything). The day we were going to mail the deposit to the venue (a non traditional, way cheaper {$1500} venue), I had a change of heart. I wanted a tiny party. My wedding was only going to be 35 people and I still felt like that was too much production and hassle.

Now, we're having the ceremony at home (with all of those decorations I already bought lol) and then we're taking our 12 guests out to dinner. I'm over the moon about it. Better still, FH said if I wind up having regrets for not having the 'big party", we can always do that as a vow renewal.

You can still have that beautiful dress and upscale experience without having a wedding and vice versa. I would definitely talk it over with your FH to try to find a middle ground. Luckily FH was all "It's your show, I'll go along with whatever you want."

ETA: For the record, I have never been that girl who dreamed of a wedding. I didn't even care about being married until FH. I think I just got blinded by all the wedding industry pretty things for a second.

You can also miss the experience of stressing over planning, watching your bank accounts hemorrhage money, and spending the next year of your life looking at Pinterest and gluing things to each other. For some people, that sounds like heaven. Not for everyone.

I just wrote on another thread; I love our small, sweet weddings. Find a great officiant, book a little restaurant, get a great dress, some music and a photographer, and you'll have a terrific day. And no glue gun burns.

FH and I both agreed we wanted a wedding. Nothing over the top or overly elaborate, but as it's both of our first (and hopefully only) wedding we decided we wanted that experience, and we wanted to be able to celebrate and party with our friends.

And part of my reason is purely silly but as someone who didn't have a Sweet 16, Prom or a real 21st Birthday Party the thought of just doing a courthouse wedding was really disappointing to me, as I wanted to hit at least one 'celebration' type milestone and be able to do it up nicely.

@Celia I was thinking the same thing, there are positive and negative sides to doing a wedding. We are having a small wedding, simply told FH if there's ever a time I will wear a dress willingly its to marry him lol.

I didn't have a big wedding. I was with my DH for 7 years before we got married, and we did it in a hotel suite with an officiant and 15 family members. I don't regret doing the big wedding thing at all. It was perfect and truly us.

Plus it was a LOT less stressful.

Congrats on your engagement! I was set on just going to sandals or a cruise and doing a "just us" wedding but I had to have those special moments so I found a way to fit it in a tight budget. It depends on what you want. You can have amazing wedding experiences without having to throw a big shindig. Check out all inclusive places and that would give you an idea of what kind of things you could get.

I was feeling the same exact way (FH and myself are going on 11yrs together) we we're going to elope but figured a small intimate wedding under 7k can work set a budget and see what fits.

Maybe you can do a really small wedding instead if you're worried about missing out on the experience. We had 30 guests at our wedding. It was perfect- small and intimate like we wanted but I still got the whole experience. I got married at the courthouse for my first marriage, and I can say that this felt totally different even with such a small guest list. If your wedding is small, you will have lots of options for non traditional (aka cheaper!) venues. We got married in a hotel suite and brought our own officiant in.

I have a friend who got married at the courthouse with just their immediate family. That was about 4 years ago and she still has regrets. She has been wanting to plan a wedding that includes more members of their families and have their friends there. From talking with her it definitely seems that some brides do have courthouse wedding regrets. But there are some brides who are okay with that. After talking with her it made me realize I do not want that and I do actually want a small-medium wedding with the people we love and support us.

A "nice wedding" is one that you enjoy. I have to honestly say, I've never heard *anyone*, guest or newlywed, say, "Wow-- this experience was made so much better by the dress/the flowers/the hundreds-of-people-I-barely-know..." If it's what you want, own it and do it. But if it's not, or you can't afford it, own *that* and just do what you want/can afford.

I think a small wedding could be the best of both worlds for you. Invite a small number of family and friends to a private ceremony, and then take them out to dinner afterwards. My cousin did something similar: she bought a wedding dress, hired an officiant, and invited only their families to a beach ceremony. Afterwards, she and her husband had their families go back to their house for a catered meal, drinks, and cake.

Another idea that comes to mind is to elope, but plan to invite a few family members and closest friends along. Plan to go to a nice bed and breakfast nearby and spend the weekend there. Still get the dress and officiant, and work with the bed and breakfast to host dinner for your small number of guests. You could also arrange for a photographer, a bouquet, and decorations.

@OP, Sister we are in the same boat!! We have been dating for 9 years this September and just got engaged a month ago.

We have the same issues. He would be ok with something totally low key, but i don't want to miss it on the whole experience either. Let me know what you find out.