Why is it "so rude" to send RSVP reminders before the due date?

Is it? I think it depends on how you approach it. If you're light hearted about it, I don't think its a big deal. Or you can blame the post office, and call to make sure they got their invite, and if they will be coming.

Because you have already set the deadline of when to turn them in by. Some people unfortunately wait until the day of. If you remind them people can take it as your talking down to them or nagging. That's why it's a good idea to set your deadline a while before you actually need them back by!

Because YOU are the one who set the deadline. Think about school/work. You have a deadline of Friday. On Wednesday your boss walks up and says "Why isnt that report done yet??" Because it isn't due yet. You follow up AFTER the deadline if you have stragglers.

I don't think it's rude, I just personally wouldn't do it. These people are adults. They need to act like adults. Like I said, just me.

I just posted about this a few days ago since our deadline is Monday. I choose to wait, however my mom on her own decided otherwise to a few family members. Their response to her was surprisingly the dreaded " I don't understand the need to RSVP, why does she need the head count?"

They had no idea that it determines the amount of food and costs for us, really a lot of people do not realize where the wedding industry has become these days unless they have planned a wedding recently. A friendly reminder is ok to me.

We can argue back and forth on whether or not it is rude. But to be honest, if I received a "gentle/nagging" reminder that the RSVP deadline is coming up I would find it annoying, since I wasn't late sending it in. And you can bet I would then wait until the last day to actually send it. However, I get indignant over things

And this is coming from someone who always sends RSVPs back the day I receive them!

I don't think it's rude. I just wouldn't want to come across as crazy or annoying.

I don't think its rude to send reminders at all. People don't realize that food and other items are closely tied to RSVP counts and without a response, you can't assume those are yes' or no's and 15 is alot considering if that includes plus ones, that could be an extra 30 people.

I am struggling with this a bit with a couple of family members that live out of state. They have told me a couple of months ago "cant wait to see you at the wedding!!!" but with my RSVP deadline a week from tomorrow, still nothing :/ Just had concerns with their travel and such, but I guess I can wait to bug them on the deadline date since I really don't need to submit my head count to the venue until the week after next.

What about sending a reminder ON the due date? I actually never thought of this. I may make my due-date a few days ahead of when I actually want them due though.

I think it is rude, you are basically telling an adult that you don't trust that they can handle an rsvp. It isn't the worst think you could do, But do you really want to compare yourself and your wedding to a credit card bill?

I may a coy status on FB about RSVP's saying something like, "It's so fun getting RSVP's in the mail! AH! This is really happening" about mid-way through the invitation process. There was a surge of mail in our mailbox for a while afterwards, LOL.

I think it depends on how you go about it I highly doubt that you would call/text/email someone and say "why haven't I received your RSVP?" If this is your plan then yes I so think it's rude. If you send out a REMINDER stating "just reminding everyone tomorrow is the Deadline for the RSVP's" I don't see a problem with it at all.

Well, yes they ARE tied to head counts, etc., but hopefully, people set RSVP dates with enough time to be able to get them to their vendors while still allowing the guest to RSVP by the date chosen. I like Stephanie's analogy. Why have a deadline if you're just going to remind them before it's actually. Seems silly.

I set my RSVP due date a week ahead of when I actually need the counts so I have time to contact people that did not send a reply. If I were a guest I would feel like the bride/groom didn't think I was responsible enough to RSVP. There may be reasons why they haven't responded yet and I would feel like by contacting me I would have to explain myself. In addition, the mail could be behind. Honestly, my sister sent an RSVP for herself and a separate one for my nephew at the exact same time and her response came a week after my nephew's response.

Using Stephanie's analogy... If I had a report or project or something due for school I would hope that my professor would give some sort of reminder, because sometimes people do forget.

I highly doubt the OP is planning on asking everyone WHY DON'T I HAVE YOUR RSVP?????

accusing and reminding are 2 totally different things. Just my opinion

To clarify, by reminder I don't mean an in-your-face "Why haven't you RSVP'd?!" sort of message (which would be rude, I agree). I mean a simple "deadline is tomorrow! Here is the link if you forgot!" Honestly, though, I think that it's a bit rude to be invited to one of the biggest events of a person's life and then sit on your response until the last second when you already know your answer and expect the hosts to chase after you just to see if you're coming. I totally respect extenuating circumstances, but those who say if they got a reminder they would intentionally wait even longer? Man. What a terrible, mean thing to do to a person who is paying for your food/drinks/entertainment for a night and just want to know if you're going to be there.

I think it's rude if the person doesn't bother to RSVP. All they have to do is check yes or no. I'd send a reminder on the due date. I'd also say hey, if you don't reply, I will assume your RSVP is a no.

My RSVP's were due on a Monday and I reached out to them on that Monday. It was a nice way for them to have an out to say that they were putting it in the mail or that they were sending an email...but that they were happy to chat with me...and it was fun to catch up with some of them about life and weddings...good excuse to have a little chat with friends and family before the wedding We got a lot of quick yes and no's and learned also about why some people were waiting longer than usual to put them in the mail.

I do not feel it is rude, a gentle reminder can be helpful. I had a good deal of people call me after the due date and say it's still on my table or I just found it in my purse. One of them was a friend who is performing the ceremony If they are mailing an RSVP to someone you need to have it in the mail prior to the due date, much like your bills if it is due on the 1st don't put in the mail on the 2nd.