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Justine
Beginner October 2014

Why is it "so rude" to send RSVP reminders before the due date?

Justine, on September 18, 2014 at 9:35 AM

Posted in Planning 33

Our guests have three different ways to RSVP -- old fashioned card, online, or via phone, yet one day before the deadline and we're still missing 15 responses. Now, it isn't considered rude when your bank reminds you that your credit card payment is due, or anyone else reminds a person of other...

Our guests have three different ways to RSVP -- old fashioned card, online, or via phone, yet one day before the deadline and we're still missing 15 responses. Now, it isn't considered rude when your bank reminds you that your credit card payment is due, or anyone else reminds a person of other deadlines, so why is it considered rude to send out a reminder letting people know that the RSVP deadline is tomorrow? At this point, I feel like most of those 15 probably forgot, so why wait until they have actually completely missed the deadline and embarrass them? That being said, I can completely understand why sending multiple reminders is annoying and unnecessary, but one reminder of the deadline so that we don't need to track people down? Is that really all that rude?

33 Comments

  • StitchingBride
    Master October 2014
    StitchingBride ·
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    I don't think it's rude to do so nicely, but the deadline hasn't passed yet. you need to at least wait until it does IMO.

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  • Alana
    Devoted October 2014
    Alana ·
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    I don't think it's rude, but I could see why people think it could be annoying.

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  • MarriedOldHag
    Expert February 2013
    MarriedOldHag ·
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    I would be annoyed by it. Besides, you are not a bank. Your analogy is a bit off here.

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  • KlassyLady
    Dedicated August 2015
    KlassyLady ·
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    If I hadn't sent it in this close to the deadline, I would actually appreciate the reminder (however, the more I dig through these forums, I am finding I am pretty much a minority on everything lol).

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  • L
    Just Said Yes September 2014
    lee ·
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    I don't think it's rude at all. It's your big day after all which takes a lot of planning. I have no qualms about reminding them at all. They most likely have forgotten rather than deliberately trying to be rude.

    There's a good etiquette guide here (http://www.fivedollarshakeweddings.com/tips) which we found after ordering our cards.

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  • M
    Expert April 2015
    MeganM ·
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    If it's only one day away, why not wait? I tend to procrastinate but I will still RSVP on time. Im sure I will have to hunt people down for RSVPs but I will give me guests the benefit of the doubt to respond on time. I feel like if you set the date, how can you expect your guests to mind the date when you don't yourself?

    A friend texted me days before her RSVP date...early on a Saturday morning saying "r u comin to my wedding". I was PEEVED.

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  • LB
    Master May 2014
    LB ·
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    I wouldn't do that. Some of our people had good reasons for waiting until the last minute on the RSVP. The few non-responders we had were simply put down as "NO" and I moved on.

    If you don't have an exact count, you will survive. I know it is not perfect and if you've never planned a large event before it can be stressful to not know everything in advance, but it will be OK and work out. It just will. Your venue and/or caterer has likely planned for extras and if you have a minimum guarantee, that's your bottom line. If you go over, you pay by the head. If you go under, too bad/so sad, you pay that number anyway.

    It's actually not complicated.

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  • LadyMonk
    Master September 2014
    LadyMonk ·
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    To me it's like you're nagging them, and nobody likes to be nagged. Basically as Celia said, these people are adults.

    I got lots of RSVP's in the last week with no nagging at all.

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  • Mrs. Bauer
    Super October 2014
    Mrs. Bauer ·
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    I think this is a decision that should be made taking into account your guests and their personalities. By my RSVP deadline, we still had over 50% of people with no responses and when my mom called, most of them did not realize that they HAD to send a card in (they all assumed I knew that they would be coming - which is funny bc some of them I thought for sure wouldn't come). So in hindsight, I wish I had asked my mom to call more people before the deadline (I just had her call close family, etc. before) as this would have saved me a ton of stress.

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  • TheFrankSpot
    Expert November 2014
    TheFrankSpot ·
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    I think it's funny that you all are saying that adults are responsible, they should be treated as such... blah, blah blah... but then you post rants about how pissed off you are that they aren't responsible. It's just hilarious.

    The fact is... people aren't as responsible as we assume they should be. Some people need reminders because your wedding is important to YOU, not neccesarily the rest of your guest list. They have other things on their to-do list besides getting back your RSVP.

    I didn't get frustrated with our RSVP process... what frustrated me was how my mother-in-law handled it. I think its interesting that no one from my fiance's side declined. Anywho...

    All-in-all, I don't think it's rude to give a friendly reminder. I did it. I sent a simple text saying that the deadline was one week away... and many people texted back "Thanks for the reminder."

    You know your guests... so do what you think is best. I tend to think that the people that are excited about your union don't require a reminder... they'll be the first to RSVP... some of the others just want to see and are happy you invited them.

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  • L
    Master February 2015
    LetItSnow ·
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    It's not about not getting the RSVP back at all, it's about getting them back exactly on your due date. Keep in mind, YOU SET THE DATE. If you wanted to know before then, you should have set an earlier date. I would wait no less than 3 days AFTER the deadline to contact people. Some people legitimately don't know if they can make it or not. Your wedding is not as important to your guests as it is to you, so give them a chance to find a moment in their busy lives to determine if they can come and let you know. It's hard, but be patient!

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  • Cassandra
    Devoted October 2014
    Cassandra ·
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    Not rude at all. @Stephanie - there is a big difference between why isn't your report done and I look forward to reading your report on friday. It's all about how approach it. I will be reminding people a week before, something along the lines of "If you've already RSVP'ed please let me know if anything has changed. I hope everyone is able to make it, I can't wait to share this day with you."

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  • Tricia
    Savvy May 2018
    Tricia ·
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    We are doing all online RSVPs. We are sending out reminders 30 days before due date and 2 weeks to those that ha e not replied. I do not think it's rude at all. Sometimes people misplace things or totally space, I personally would like an e.ail reminder than to totally forget.
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