Why Did You Get Married?

I had a very long time to think about this, because we weren't able to get married for the first 8 years of our relationship. And there are in fact many legal benefits to getting married. For one thing, someone who is not a legal spouse has no legal right to visit you in the hospital if you are unconscious and family members object, include you on their health insurance, etc. Some other issues (like ability to direct your health care if you are incompetent) can theoretically be dealt with via wills, health care powers of attorney, etc.--but even if you have such documents, you may not be able to find them years later when you need them. And that's not even mentioning things like immigration. (My wife is an immigrant.)

Beyond that, your own relationship can be committed even without marriage. But the support of third parties for your marriage is much greater if you are married. If you are just in a relationship, and things are going badly, people will typically tell you to break up. If you are married, and things are going badly, people will typically recommend marriage counseling. If you are in a relationship, you are not treated as a member of your spouse's family in the same way as if you are married. And the list goes on.

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Thank you for sharing this perspective. I completely agree with the third party support.

I agree with what PP said in that of course you don't need it to be committed because there's plenty of couple's who are together long time and build a life together thatre unmarried. But for me it was just something very traditional and yet romantic about solidifying our Union too.

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Our wedding was definitely romantic.

It’s symbolic of the commitment you are making to each other for life. Could also ask the opposite question: If you’re promising to be together for life, why NOT get married? I think marriage brings a whole new level to that commitment. If you’re really making that commitment, why NOT sign the document that makes it legal and final?

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I completely agree that "marriage brings a whole new level to that commitment". I'm even more in love with my husband now that we are married and I feel a stronger willingness to compromise for the sake of both of our happiness.

I think a lot depends on a couple's goals on if they want a "paper" marriage or not.
I had two friends in high school who's parents weren't legally married and nobody knew unless it came up. They were honestly some of the most loving couple's and parents I have ever met to this day. One couple had previous divorces and felt like their relationship was perfect as is and kept it that way, the other was more free spirited and didn't want the government involved in their life.
My fiance and I discussed this, and found that there are actually a lot of benefits to being married in terms of the legal stuff. We also wanted to adopt and while it's not a requirement to be legally married to adopt it greatly increases the likely hood the process will go well. We decided we had more to gain from marriage than not especially long term.
My friend got married to show their commitment before God, much like you said, and I think that is a very sweet gesture and reason.

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It's so interesting that you brought that up. I know some people who are "common law married " because of the length of time they have been together but I don't see their relationship in the say way that I see couples who are "paper married." I need to reflect on why that is.

View Quoted Comment I'd suspect it's because paper is delibrate, whereas common law just happens.
We don't have common law in my state so it's all the same to me.

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Yeah, I don't know. Signing the papers just seems like a deeper commitment. It's more deliberate like you mentioned. I'll continue to think on this though.

We got married as a spiritual, emotional & legal commitment to each other. I’m happy to report even though we lived together for two years before marriage, being engaged then married has brought us closer and we have committed to an even healthier relationship. ❤️

I was married before, and now am planning my second marriage. I am very happy and completely committed to my fiance. However, when I married the first time, I never thought the relationship wouldn't last. Unfortunately, we both had some growing up to do, and he saw my maturing as a wife and mother as threatening and found comfort elsewhere. That being said, I truly believe that most people are not willing to put the work into a relationship and into a marriage. It's not like dating, you don't get to take breaks and get personal space. When you're married, there are boundaries that should never be crossed and yet forgiveness given that you never thought you would have to give. However, what most people also don't realize is that it is also a lot like dating. You get to spend every minute with that person and you want to be with that person all the time. You learn their likes and dislikes, and respect their opinions even if they differ from yours. You realize how those differences bring you together and keep things interesting. And most importantly, you appreciate the love for each other.

You need to focus on the positive and not listen to the outside negatives. Other posters have already told you the legal impacts of being married. But you heard in your heart that you should be married in the eyes of God. What kind of person would question that? Even more importantly, if someone is questioning your faith, is it really your best interests that they have in mind? These people are right. It's not about a piece of paper. It's a commitment to each other, and it would be there with or without that paper. I imagine that you have found someone who has the same beliefs as you, so find comfort in that and forget the haters.

For us it's because we love each other and it made sense financially. We've been together for 16.5 years and just got married. I finished college and have a new job that I'll start after we get back from our honeymoon. This feels the same as before we were married and we didn't expect stuff to change and it hasn't.

View Quoted Comment I see both commitments as the same. I know plenty of people who have been together longer than some people have been together, married, and divorced. Just because people choose to marry doesn't mean their relationship is more than those who don't.

We were friends first. Although we clearly had a thing for eachother. We kept saying that we'd keep it at a friendship and we didn't want a relationship. We hung out, partied and got drunk together (we were 21 and 22). We both thought we'd be forever alone. Next thing you know, we started dating more seriously, not long after, I moved into his apartment and eventually moved into our own place and for my 24th birthday he was considering giving me a promise ring and he realized he wanted to marry me instead. Our relationship had been through so much that even as friends, we unknowingly built the foundation for our relationship now. Fate I guess but we weren't looking or rushing. That's when the magic happens. It felt real and so natural and I never had a doubt that he'd be the one I'd marry. He started as my friend and i trusted him. Still do. my decision was never based off of superficial things b/c i wasn't expecting to even marry him so soon. But once we got engaged, I then started looking more into it and honestly, the idea of marriage still excites me. Many millenials do not feel the same.

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I love this, congratulations!

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While I agree with nearly everything you wrote here, I think I missed why you actually got married.

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Marrying for love is always the right reason

View Quoted Comment I still have mixed feelings on this topic and haven't come to terms with why I feel that way. I appreciate discussions like this that challenge my thinking.

We've been together a long time (6 years) and at one point thought we would never get married. We both have been before and we're not naive enough to think that there isn't a chance marriage could fail again. We are getting married because we're almost 40 and we know that eventually, there may be a time we will have to make make medical decisions for each other, along with better health insurance (I teach, so it's better than his.). Otherwise, we'd continue as is.