why can't a bride host her own shower?

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Sigh. Nobody DESERVES a shower. It's nice, but it's not something anyone deserves.

The point of a shower is so that loved ones can provide her with things that she'll need in her married life. The shower is so that she can get gifts. That's the sole purpose. So if a bride hosted it herself that would be saying "Give me gifts". When someone else hosts it in her honour it's still about gifts, but it's about friends/community getting together to help the bride because they are being generous. I just can't even explain it any better. If you still don't get it, maybe you should try reading some books by the pros, like Miss Manners or Emily Post.

Edit because I don't make sense.

SIGH. Someone is following. Someone help me.

I think it can be perceived at gift grabby- honestly I would not care but it might merit a "side-eye" or two. If you want one, have one. No one can tell you what you can and can't do.

Agree w/ LadyMonk, you don't really "deserve" a shower.

No one has talked about throwing us a shower. I wouldn't want much. Maybe just a small gathering at FBIL's house. They host most of the family gatherings. He has a pool. FH cousin is getting married almost 2 months after us. FFIL mentioned their shower to FH and then asked him if we were having one. FH said no. I wasn't there, but it sounded like FFIL expected us to host our own shower. Not only that we host, but that we need to actually have one too. Confused. I thought family members hosted it.

Because you're so in love that you're getting married and you want your closest friends and relatives to join you because they love you. They do not need to get you gifts for any reason, ever, and to host your own shower would imply that you are expecting gifts.

You're a bride; not a fundraiser.

Seconding LadyMonk. No one "deserves" it. You can get married without having a shower, it's not a requirement. So if people want to step up and host an event to shower the bride with gifts, that's really generous and thoughtful of them. A bride doing it herself seems more like she thinks she's entitled to a lot of gifts because she's getting married.

Yeah. From what I understand it is inappropriate because it a gift occasion and if you were to host it then you would be asking for gifts. It is suppose to be a honor done for you.

It's just weird to throw a gift giving party for yourself. Throwing a party for yourself, in your honor makes you sound...conceded.

Yes, what LadyMonk said. If you host, you are saying "Come and bring ME gifts and be excited for ME!" Whereas if someone else hosts it's more like 'We're excited for soandso so let's all get together and do something nice for her!" That's the best way I can explain how I feel about the idea at least.

Ok, so sometimes family members host the showers, but the 100% correct thing would be for not the mother to be hosting... But I don't think this is even much of a big deal in comparison to the bride hosting.

It seems self-indulgent and weird to me.

I like the way FutureMrsH put it. But I think showers are ridiculous overall and asking for gifts anyway. It's slightly more tacky if the bride does it herself, but tacky either way IMO.

I'm with LadyMonk, a bride throwing a shower for herself seems gift-grabby to me...

Before I came on WW I had no idea what a bridal party was for. I thought it was just a group of your friends and family getting together to celebrate (didn't know it was for getting gifts). I thought about having my own until I learned that it really was just for gifts. I don't see the point in have a bridal shower. I'm having a bachelorette party, though

Imagine it in any other scenario. Say instead of a wedding reception, you're throwing a huge birthday/anniversary/graduation party. With the exception of maybe an anniversary, those are gift-giving events, same as your reception. Now say prior to the main event, you throw yourself a shower where people were expected to buy you even more gifts. It's weird and gift-grabby.

And admittedly, looking at it from this perspective makes any kind of shower at all seem like overkill. But at least with a bridal shower, it's "traditional," and in some ways expected. And above all, someone else is throwing it in your honor, so you're blameless!

Technically people are not required to give a gift at the wedding/have a year to give a gift.

I would say if you want a party host a bridal brunch or a recipe shower. Something that doesn't include gifts. Every bride deserves to feel special and be around those who care about her, whether that's at parties or just at the wedding. Really the most important thing about getting married is.... getting married.

Agreed. While showers are part of the wedding process, a bride/couple is not entitled to a shower and really should not EXPECT one. It's a generous gesture made by friends who care about you and want to help you get started in your new life.

On a personal note, I don't even like the idea of registering. I understand it makes things easier for the gifter, but still.....telling people what you want them to get you just doesn't seem right.