We're here to help you keep moving forward, no matter what your plans are.

H
Savvy November 2021

Why always so glamorous and big?

Hannah, on October 11, 2020 at 9:34 AM Posted in Planning 0 20
Saved Save
Reply
Well, I don't like this glamurous and big thing about weddings. To me it seems like loosing the core of the matter with all this making every detail perfect, bringing in everyone you hardly know and throwing out tons of money for just a few hours. All those pictures seem like cold, unlifelike and without fun or romance to me. When I want to include my nearest and dearest to my wedding, I don't need that all. I don't need the stiffness of a perfectly planned day with no romantic time left for just me and my partner. Doesn't make the fact that I promise to my love to be with him forever the day already perfect? Isn't that the real reason why it's the best day of my life? And if I'd want to share my joy about something with my family and friends, I'd prefer play parlour games, laugh, listen to good CDs and drink beer together in pyjamas on my couch to share my joy with my very bests over a stiff planned day with masses of people dressing up in a way I never would do otherwise and listen to speeches and so on. Is there anyone exept of me who can't understand that hype of a perfect wedding?

20 Comments

  • Kristen
    Rockstar November 2020
    Kristen ·
    • Flag
    I think everyone is different. For some people having the big day is something they've dreamed of and that's OK. Your perspective is different and there are many who feel that way too. It's not that you're the only one it's just different people feel different about various things I think travel is important and my fh doesn't and that's OK.
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Super April 2021
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    We all have our own vision of our “perfect” wedding. That is your vision. My vision is a small, intimate wedding with close family & friends.
    • Reply
  • Yasmine
    Rockstar October 2020
    Yasmine ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I agree with this! If that's how you feel about weddings then that is perfectly fine. Others who dream of a huge glamorous wedding that's fine as well. Do whatever is best for you for your wedding.
    • Reply
  • H
    Savvy November 2021
    Hannah ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Well, I didn't mean to say other meanings are not okay, I just asked if I'm not alone with not understanding why making such a big drama about just one day.
    • Reply
  • Chrysta
    Rockstar November 2021
    Chrysta Online ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    You are definitely not alone. I think there are a lot of people out there who don’t think it’s important to “make a big fuss” about “just one day”. Weddings in the past used to be very low-key events, actually. It wasn’t until recent years that they became such a large production. The reason you are feeling in the minority is likely because you typically won’t see people on tv or social media or in wedding chats who don’t want to make a big deal about their weddings- that is why they are on those platforms! To share their excitement and planning tips, advice, etc. with others who are planning their events. Whereas people who don’t want to make a big deal about their weddings typically don’t find those forums fun or helpful. So rest assured, you are not alone in your views- you just usually won’t find those people engaging about their weddings on social platforms.
    • Reply
  • L
    Super August 2018
    Lisa ·
    • Flag
    I think everyone’s own vision of their wedding is the perfect day! And why not hype it up? You only get married once (hopefully, at least I feel that should be the intention behind marriage, but we know things change), so why not hype up your day? I think that just means being excited about it and energetically putting good vibes into it. I don’t think that means having 300 people you don’t know there and cold pics and going through the process.


    I have a huge family so my wedding was huge, but I knew every single person there. I was out on the dance floor all night with my hubby and my family and had amazing pics of us dancing, laughing, having fun. There were no ‘cold pics’ taken of us because I researched photographer styles and I wanted candids. Even the “posed” ones is more because she saw a good shot and told my hubby and I to freeze for that moment. In the end the only thing I wanted was my dress to be comfy for me, to of course be legally married, and for everyone to have a great time. That was the hype. Don’t mistake people’s good vibes and energy towards their wedding as “hype” - everyone is entitled to put all the love and energy into whatever their vision is and let it be for them. It’s okay if it doesn’t align with your vision and energy.
    • Reply
  • Katie
    Expert January 2021
    Katie ·
    • Flag
    To each their own. I did not want a big wedding, we planned for 60 but downsized to 14 due to covid. Ideal scenario for us, a nightmare for others.
    • Reply
  • H
    Savvy November 2021
    Hannah ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Hm, that makes sense. I didn't really think about that point, but I guess you're propably right. We just wanted to elope, not abroad or something like that, but still to a place that means something to us, and changed our mind to share the moment with our parents, brothers and sisters and very best friends to not make thrm feel excluded. But there will not be renting a location ect. just a beer tent in the garden of my partners parents collecting some tables and chairs from his parents home and having some buffet and games together. No evening dresses, no equivalent dinnerware, no speeches, no perfectly matched decorations. I just worried if guests were okay with that, if we were like outsiders being alone with that.
    • Reply
  • Chrysta
    Rockstar November 2021
    Chrysta Online ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I would say it’s probably out of the norm for weddings these days, but that isn’t a bad thing! Weddings should reflect the couple & be what they envision as THEIR perfect way to get married, and it sounds like yours will! Don’t worry about what other people think or are doing... just have the wedding that is perfect for you & your FS ☺️
    • Reply
  • C
    Master January 2019
    Cassidy ·
    • Flag
    While yes, some people loose sight of what is most important in a wedding, I don’t think a big wedding down plays the commitment 2 people are making.
    I was excited to get to celebrate with those that loved us. I knew it was a big day for us, but what i failed to realize is that is/was also a huge day for those that care about us too. I have never in life seen my dad so happy/excited. I’m the only one in my family my grandparents have been able to see get married (parents and cousin eloped). Friends were excited. And they all wanted to celebrate with us. They was about us, but it was about our relationship with our guests and important to them too.
    I see where you’re coming from, and you are allowed to think differently than what media will have you believe is “normal”. Thats what makes us all unique. I just wanted to give you a married woman’s perspective and how it changed after experiencing my wedding.
    • Reply
  • Molly
    Devoted August 2021
    Molly ·
    • Flag

    We're only having 120 but, I do want that fairytale wedding. I'm a super planner so I do want things to be perfect. Doesn't mean that my day won't be about my FH and me. I think it's great that you want to have your elopement. However, your post comes off as sort of conceited. That your version of weddings is the only one that isn't a "stiff, perfectly planned day with no romantic time." People are able to have a romantic time while still having big and glamorous weddings.

    • Reply
  • Melle
    Rockstar June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    You are definitely not alone. There are a lot of people who just want a really simple ceremony with only their nearest and dearest with them rather than a huge party with all these people they hardly know
    • Reply
  • Kaysey
    Super February 2020
    Kaysey ·
    • Flag

    You're not alone. Not everyone has to the same vision for their wedding. When I was growing up I never dreamed of getting married, let alone having a wedding. I would've been perfectly happy going to the courthouse with my now husband and getting married, but I felt if I didn't have an "actual wedding" with the venue, cake, dress, friends/family, reception, photos and so on that I would regret it one day - and my husband felt the same way. I'm so happy that I did have the wedding we did, and I didn't think the wedding my husband and I planned was huge. We had around 120 at our wedding and it was great. Yes, that is a larger number but it was a combination of family and close friends and we both knew every single person at our wedding personally and everyone had a good time. Everyone has their own vision and wants something different. I personally don't believe you have to spend tons of money to have a nice wedding. Trust me, I DIYed the crap out of my wedding because I didn't want to spend hundreds or thousands of dollars on someone else doing something/making something that I could do myself for more than half of the price. Honestly, DIY-ing parts of the wedding to save money was my favorite part b/c I felt like I helped make the vision I had come to life, instead of paying someone to create it for me.Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • M
    Super October 2022
    Michele ·
    • Flag
    Many women get caught up in what the wedding industry preaches is "acceptable vs not" via the media which includes how-to web articles and wedding-centric tv, and they completely forget to think for themselves and be true to who they are.


    There's no reason to overspend, despite what the wedding industry dictates, but it is one day out of your lifetime event for most people.
    Guest count size is subjective. Some people want to share the day with everyone who is important to them, and for them, that may be a ton of people, including some they're only able to chat with on social media due to scheduling and distance. Others only want their future spouse and one best friend to sign legal documents in attendance. Both options are good and valid as long as they don't lose sight of what the day is about.
    • Reply
  • Yasmine
    Rockstar October 2020
    Yasmine ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I'm sure some people agree with you & feel the same exact way! ... and I'm also sure some people don't lol
    • Reply
  • Laquita
    Devoted July 2021
    Laquita ·
    • Flag

    I think it's just perspective & what one deems as important, you're not alone as there's many couples who just want something simpler. My FH would have preferred it to be us & our parents at the courthouse, but I've always wanted an actual wedding regardless of size. I'm the oldest on both sides and up until recently, didn't realize I was the only granddaughter to actually get married so it's a pretty big deal to my grandparents to see me get married. For me, it's more so about them watching me take those vows & to celebrate with us. I don't think it would have been the same for us if we chose to elope, I'd feel guilty to be honest lol But this is just me, I know others don't feel the same and that's okay.

    • Reply
  • Rebecca
    Rockstar August 2019
    Rebecca ·
    • Flag

    I think it's pretty clear that, on these forums, you aren't alone. (I, uh, won't speak for other forums.)

    Many people may think we had a glitzy, glamorous wedding, because we got married in NYC.

    ...But we live here. It wasn't glitzy or glamorous by our standards, though it was formal. Then again, our venue could only be reached through a parking garage and an ice rink!

    The only things that are really needed for a wedding are:

    1. A couple

    2. A license (sometimes also an officiant)

    3. Food for the guests, if any guests

    That's it.

    Everything else is tradition/trend/expectation/etc.

    A lot of people find it hard to say no to those things.

    • Reply
  • Susan
    Devoted October 2021
    Susan ·
    • Flag
    To me, our wedding day will stand out as the day we formally in front of all.our.loved ones make a full commitment to each other for life. It means more than hanging out in our PJs, drinking beer, although there's nothing wrong with that if that's what you're into. Pre-covid we had a vision for our wedding that was constrained by our budget. Now, with an extra year to plan and pay for it, we are going all out. Would that have made our original plan any less special? No. But living through these trying times has given us deeper meaning. We spend most of our days hanging out together. This one day when we make our vows with our family and friends, it should be as special as we want it to be.
    • Reply
  • T
    Expert April 2021
    Tiger Bride ·
    • Flag
    Girl you do you, but don't crap on others for doing what *they* want to do. Some people like planning events. Some people have big families. Some people want to dress up nice because they only have one day of their lives to do it. Plan the wedding you want but don't disparage others... especially on a wedding site.
    • Reply
  • L
    Expert September 2020
    ·
    • Flag
    Completely agree with you. I’ve been to so many big weddings where they pulled out all the stops, and it just ended up feeling tacky and like they cared more about the party than getting married. And besides spending your life savings on one day is completely ridiculous. But most girls have grown up wanting to be a princess for the day lol
    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles