"Who gives the bride away?" issues

I walked myself down the aisle for this and many other reasons.

We also skipped the parental consent, and instead did an affirmation of family and friends during our vows. Our officiant spoke about how we were counting on them to support our marriage even when things get hard, and he asked them to affirm that support. They said "we do" (or, in some cases cheered). I felt it was more inclusive and better reflected where we were in our lives.

Something that our church requires that I thought was interesting and more modern is that the groom is part of the procession into the church. They focus on you giving yourselves to each other and as such don't like for the groom to "sneak up" the side aisle to the front (their words) or for the bride to have her own song. Everyone comes in to the same song. They talked through the reasoning and ideas behind it when we picked our music, and I really liked the sentiment.

No... I don't give things like that much thought. Seems to really be upsetting and more trouble than it is actually worth. You know whom you belong to.

I think your alternative is a really good idea. I'm having my dad do it because it means a lot to him and my mom.

That is a great idea Shannon!

I didn't want my dad to walk me down the aisle for the same reasons, but ended up deciding to have him walk with me because it means a lot to him. He has been sick with a type of cancer for several years and honestly, I feel bad enough that I live so far away, I didn't want to be stubborn about the walk down the aisle when I know how much he is looking forward to it.

Erin - It was actually one of my favorite parts of the ceremony. It turned our guests from an audience to participants.

I hate it.

I'm being walked down the aisle but nothing is being said at all.

In my first wedding our priest has (and still has) a blanket rule not allowing those words

Yes, I am also a feminist and we're doing a lot of things differently in our wedding ceremony. FH and I are both walking down the isle with our parents. I had just planned to leave out any "giving away" or "blessing" phrases and just have them sit down when we arrive at their seats in the front.

As Allyson said, it's becoming more common to see the groom process to the altar, sometimes with his parents. We learned that the original Catholic tradition is for the bride and groom to walk down the aisle together as they both come to the marriage freely. That's what we're doing

I was concerned about this as well, but unbeknownst to me this is a Protestant tradition and we were having a Catholic wedding. The priest doesn't ask anything, thank goodness.

I do like the idea of having the groom walk down the aisle too... and I really like the idea of walking down together!

I asked FH if he wanted to come down the aisle (well... the 6 feet or so that we have to walk down lol), but he didn't want to.

I saw a previous thread on WW that gave me the idea of what I'm doing. Thanks to Marisa-In-Love posting what she was going to say, I altered it a bit, but my dad is going to say "she gives herself with the blessings of her mother & I." I'm an older bride, so although i wanted to follow tradition, it did not seem right to have my parents giving me away, so I thought this was a perfect compromise.

I do not having anything in our ceremony about giving the bride away I have never liked it. I also am not being walked down the aisle.

Haha... our officiant (old family friend) wrote this, in response to our request that we change that line:

I don’t see why not…if you don’t want to be given away like chattel…

I love it!

I'm leaving out the asking of others for anything. I'm having both my parents walk me down the aisle as a sign of their support of my choice. I would prefer to go down alone but my parents really wanted to walk me down the aisle so I'm fine with that.

There are all kinds of small changes I made to make the day about two people coming together freely in equal partnership.

My dad is going to walk me down the aisle... I guess I just assumed it was going to be the whole "give the bride away". I honestly haven't given it much thought and the historical significance of it doesn't bother me.

But I really like the wording that you came up with! I think I will use that for my ceremony. My reason is that both myself and my FH, our parents are divorced. It has been very important to me that all of our parents approve of our marriage and give us their blessing. To me it's a sign that they believe that we will succeed where they were not able to. I like the idea of incorporating that family blessing into the wedding ceremony.

So if it's ok with you I'd like to use the same wording. Please and thanks. ^_^

Amanda, no problem! I won't lie... I got it off another website when I was trying to find a more neutral wording. We are having a very simple ceremony and we didn't want to leave out any parent participation, so figured that this was a good way to include them but not make it seem like I'm an item that FH has negotiated for.

Yay thanks.

lol there's so many good ideas online. Google has been my best friend while wedding planning.

I'm going for a simple ceremony as well and I'm thinking of different ways to include all our parents so that none of them feel that one is being favoured over the other.

My family is very traditional and conservative and we're not even including that part in our wedding. I actually wrote and created our entire ceremony from the bare bones one our officiant sent us.

Hey, erin, we're not just chattel. We're also brood mares. Holla!