Who gets wedding favors?

@Kaci we wouldn't be being helpful if we just bullshitted her and didn't express genuine concern for this plan.

If you can't afford a reception for all of your family and friends, you can't afford to invite all of your family and friends to witness your marriage. It is incredibly rude to expect more than half of the guests to leave right afterwards without so much as a meal.

And no one here shamed. We are genuinely curious as to how this works, and OP hasn't been very forthcoming with details.

Lol. Hold up. You're sending invites to 200, but you're so popular that THREE HUNDRED EXTRA PEOPLE are going to come to your ceremony?

OP be like:

Me trying to figure out if OP is gonna come back.

I don't think general confusion about the 500 -> 200 is shaming, nor is mentioning that tiered receptions are rude...but OK.

Well, actually, Kaci, the question had nothing to do with gifts. It's important to get the lingo right if the point is to answer the OP's question and offer no other commentary. Technically, her question had to with favors, and if you think a favor is a gift, you're giving out Swarovski crystal figurines.

And Liz, of course you felt a sting when some of your peers were invited to the reception and you weren't. My experience with churches has been that while the B List is always trying to be promoted, the A List is always worried about being demoted...church leadership and all that...

@Kaci yes you are right everyone else is in the wrong here for pointing out her bad etiquette. OP carry on with your plan to tell more than half of your friends and family that they are only good enough to attend your ceremony. Please make sure they get a favor on their way out, add a poem to it, it'll soften the blow.

Robin, there is no such thing as this "private reception" that you are describing. IT IS NOT A THING.

If people are going to come to any part of your wedding including the ceremony, then you need to formally invite them. They can't just show up. That's not how weddings work.

This is just messed up.

This is all I keep thinking...

Robin, so the ceremony ... is it advertised? Are flyers put up? Is it in the church bulletin? I am wanting to know how 500 people will be invited or let known of your wedding and less than 1/2 of them know that they are the ones hand selected to join you at your private reception.

Please give details as to how the ceremony group was let known and the reception group let known.

Give us all background info as to why this was done; tradition, culture, not knowing how it works, thought it would be fun, etc.

Please let your next post be full disclosure, none of this "one sentence at a time" stuff.

ETA : I would skip the favors.

Please and thank you.

Who are these extra 300 guests? Who are these extra 300 guests? Who are these extra 300 guests? Who are these extra 300 guests? Who are these extra 300 guests? Who are these extra 300 guests?

@Kaci You are right, it is her choice. And this forum is here to give her advice on how make the right choice, one that won't have 300 people talking shit about her behind her back and spitting Jordan Almonds at her as they leave. She has been asked over and over to explain and hasn't.

@kaci: First off, it's a vio to tell people how to post.

Secondly, this forum is to help prevent etiquette breaches, much like the ENORMOUS one OP is planning.

If she can't afford 500 guests, then you don't invite 500 guests. You don't invite them all and then treat 3/5 of your guests like disposable garbage. That's gross, rude behavior.

No shaming happened here, though YOU should feel ashamed for championing such abhorrent and despicable behavior.

I don't even know 500 people

ETA: FH just said that's f-ed up when I explained this post. And he's clueless about wedding stuff

I'm sure I know 500 people but I probably only like 2 of them, 3 tops. Lol

Why are you even asking about etiquette? You obviously don't give a damn, since you're excluding 300 people you invited to your ceremony from your reception.

I'm so confused. I've been to a couple of wedding reception and they all were private.....

I just don't understand how you have 300 extra uninvited guest that may show up

@houligan I read it to FH as well and he also has no clue of wedding etiquette and said "wow thats fucking rude!"

I'm confused how 300 extra people are going to come to your ceremony. Are you sending them an invitation to just the ceremony? Are you posting the info on facebook? Are you posting the info all over town?

If I didn't recieve an actual invitation to a wedding (the whole thing), I would not attend. And I don't expect people to show up at my ceremony unless I send them an invite asking them to join us. I have never seen anything like what you are talking about.

The ONLY time I have seen something similar to this done, if it truly is church community-related, was in reverse with the Mormon church--where they have exclusive, small ceremonies and huge cake and punch receptions. That is totally customary for them and I get it, even if it's personally not what I'd do whatsoever.

Is this something customary for your religion or church, something cultural?

I just totally don't understand otherwise.