Where's the book on how to deal with divorced parents during your wedding?

FH jokingly put the idea into my moms head of her picking out her entrance song. I just wanted everyone to walk in to the same song... she pulled out old records from the 70's and I just told her "Keep in mind you and Dad are walking in together..." The look on her face said it all. She said I should have asked her... she doesn't want to walk in with him. So now, no grooms parents to make an entrance, but the father of the bride and mother of the bride introduced separately? Their separation and all of the family issues that came with it had a huge impact on me. This is the first time both sides of the family will even be around each other since the divorce... I need to get myself mentally prepared to deal with the day. This is supposed to be the happiest day and instead I'm dealing with all of this anxiety and pressure on how to please my mom versus my dad and how to accommodate to both of them. I wish I had thought of all of this sooner, I could have avoided a lot of this by asking questions I supposed. I just hope that we can make it TO the day... and through the day.

I'm sorry your parents are being such jerks and can't set aside their feelings for just one day for you. Although _How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So KIds Will Talk_ was written for parents of young children, it is really for anyone dealing with someone else who is currently in an emotional state, and you might find it helpful. Also, remember your I statements "I feel..... when you..... in the future I wish you would...." So, in the example above with the music, you might say, "I feel frustrated when you won't even pretend to put my wedding ahead of your emotions for one day. In the future I wish you would try and work for a smooth wedding day for me."

I was worried about there being drama between my parents as well so I had a conversation with each of them separately and basically said that they needed to make peace during this process otherwise they'd not be part of it. My mom was totally cool but my dad still made a few comments that I squashed right away. Now that we're getting pretty close to the date I'm very happy that I had those conversations early on to set boundaries.

Conversations early on would have helped. They've both made comments about other family members they either don't want to deal with or family members who rather not have any interaction with them the day of. It's really sad and for a while I thought we were past all of it. But as we have to finalize details, there is still clearly a lot that needs to be dealt with... and I guess because we're close, they don't feel like they've had enough time to process the layout of the day. At one point even one of my BM (also my very best friend) told me now she understands why I didn't want a big wedding at home. Maybe I can set aside some time to talk to both of them about what I would like of them to be civil for the day. I did that before my college graduation and for once they put everything aside and were cordial. I hope they can do the same on our wedding day.

First, know that you don't have to have your parents make an entrance into the reception. Some people just do wedding party or just bride and groom. I would talk to them and remind them that it is your day and if they can't get along then something else will need to be done. Also, as you move forward in life you will want them to learn to be around each other. If you ever have children, you don't want to have to have two events because your parents can't be adults and put their feelings aside for the sake of their children/grandchildren.

I am sorry you are going through this. My parents divorced when I was a child, my in-laws divorced when DH was a child as well. We didn't have any issues with our wedding but both sets of parents discovered years ago that they would need to compromise if they wanted to be included in our lives (my parents had to come to grips with it earlier because I was a teen mother and made it known that I wasn't going to deal with having to separate everything for them). My FIL is remarried so he entered with his wife, MIL entered with her brother and my parents agreed to enter together (between my children and my nephew my parents have come to be fairly comfortable with one another).

Honestly I see your moms point. Typical just bridal party is announced in reception and since it makes them feel awkward, even more reason to skip in. Secondly, I'm sorry. This has got to be tough.

FH's parents have been divorced since elementary school and mine have been separated since I gave birth to my 2nd child in 2013 and are close to the end of the divorce process now.... I've let both parents know that we will try and not make anything awkward for them.... but that this isn't about them... it's about their kids and they will be civil towards each other and stand by each other (they don't have to touch) for pics. As for walking down the aisle my mom had her dad walk her so she's already like 'whatever' about my dad doing it. I think she'd think it was weird if I wanted her to, same with reception entrance. You don't have to be rude or anything but you need to let them know that this day, while being important to them, isn't about them.... and they need to suck it up and be ADULTS like everyone else and put a big ol smile on their face and do what their daughter asks of them for her wedding day. FH's parents are a lot more catty towards each other than mine are.... so I've told them first that they've got to get over it. This is their last child getting married so they can buck it up

Can I like this times a ****?!

My mom called us Sunday to announce she found out a few months ago that my dad had an affair...she forgave him and he said he was done. He's not. He's secretly still seeing her.

They are smack dab in the middle of the divorce and my mom is worried he will bring his secret gf to the wedding.

Now I feel like we should have eloped. This is getting harder and harder to plan when she requested that they sit on opposite sides of the church.

I just wanted this to be happy.

This is not your parents' "We are Divorced" coming out party. This is your wedding. That's the first thing you have to convince yourself of.

Tell the both of them that they can do whatever they want, and if they figured out a divorce, they can figure out how to deal with the (literally) 60 second event you're referencing. If he wants to walk in alone to an announcement that says, "The father of the bride -- give it up for Mr. FOB", let him. If she wants to walk in alone to an announcement that says, "The mother of the bride -- give it up for Ms. MOB", let her. If somehow, the two of them can allow their love for their daughter to override their pride for a minute or two, let them walk in together with 18 inches between them. Then, close the door on this emotional trauma. I assume you've heard enough to last you a lifetime.

Please, don't let them paint you into the corner of being their mediator. They owe you more than this. Tell them, after letting them know that you're not negotiating their deal, that you'll introduce them separately unless the two of them figure it out on their own. Then, to make it very clear that you're not interested in being a part of this, let them know that they can tell you 48 hours before the wedding how they'd like to be introduced. You might be surprised how they rise to the occasion. If not, it's not a reflection on you. Never was.

Their issues are not your issues. You are entering a new chapter of your life.

Breathe! It's going to be okay! Speak to your parents and tell them that you to have them included in this event and your future, but they will have to find a way to be civil towards each other.

Secondly, I'm going to have to agree with Richard. It's weird that you are making your parents do things as a couple. You don't have to have anyone walk you down the aisle. If you want both, you are the buffer between them and they can get over it. I do not think at all that they should be walking out together to be introduced. I don't see any reason why they can't walk separately. Besides the fact that parents aren't usually introduced anyway.

I agree with center piece. This isn't about them or their divorce. This is about you and your significant other.

Richard, sorry but I need to be a little harsh right back at you. To indirectly say it's wrong of me to want both my parents to walk me down the aisle and give me away is "ridiculous" is actually ridiculous. My parents split when I was 21. I grew up in a 2 parent household where they have been by my side, together, for absolutely everything in life. Having both of them give me away to my FH at the altar has nothing to do with their divorce, and I don't exactly care about "tradition" when it comes to this. I've actually gotten into arguments with my FH a few times about this topic... this is one of the few times throughout the planning process where I have set my foot down on something I want. This is one of the most life changing moments I'll ever experience. My dad was in our house for 21 years, and I've lived with my mom since. To NOT have her by my side, giving me away as well, is a very hurtful thought knowing she brought me into this world and has stood by me through everything in life. I think it's quite rude of you to say that the idea is ridiculous.

After sleeping on it, I'm honestly going to leave it up to them on how they want to be introduced. I've never been to a wedding where the parents have not been introduced at the reception... I've been to about 14 and the grandparents and parents were always introduced. Unfortunately, because my FH parents and all grandparents have passed, and all of my grandparents will not be there due to health reasons, my parents would be the only ones being introduced. They want to be introduced. It's a matter of how. If they want to come in separately, I can't fight them on it. I just think on a day like our wedding when the whole family comes together, it would have meant a lot to me to have them both walk in at the same time. I'm not asking them to hold hands. I'm not asking them to hook arms. I just wanted the introduction to read" Mr.... and Ms.... Parents of the Bride" and have them walk in the room at the same time.

I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who has to go through this. It's really unfortunate, especially when weddings are about unions... we'll see how the day plays out. They can be in the same room and be civil, they have been before. I'm just going to take the advice of speaking to each of them separately, probably this weekend, to talk about things so we're all comfortable and on the same page.

Brittany I am SO sorry you're going through that! I feel your agony over here and can truly empathize with you! It is supposed to be a happy day!

This is so sad...for everyone.

When my son got married, he asked me if it was ok that he ask his dad's son to be an usher. I told him why would I mind? It wasn't my wedding!

I sort of went through something similar except my parents knew how to be adults. My dad didn't actually have much part in raising me, so I wanted both to walk me since my mom did raise me, but I also didn't want to take that from my dad. My dad was a little thrown by it, but he ultimately said it's my wedding. The only weird part was when the officiant asked at the rehearsal how he should address them: Mr. and Mrs. B* or H* and H*. Both me and my dad blurted out first names only. For the reception intro, they went separately: my dad with his wife and our flower girl, and my mom escorted by my brother. Ask your parents to be adults and civil for one day...not even a day, 20 minutes tops. The rest of the time, they can completely ignore each other.

I have to say that in all the weddings that I"ve done, I have really only seen divorced parents act like fucking jerks maybe twice. They can usually manage to hold it together, no matter how acrimonious their split was.

This is how I handle it.

I don't make them do anything as a couple with one exception; asking the parents for support at the beginning of the ceremony. I don't do it at the end of the aisle, I simple address them separately, thank them for making my bride/groom so fabulous, and ask them if they accept the other partner into their family. I do this for both people getting married and both sets of parents, if they are with us.

They don't have to walk into the reception together; they can simply be introduced as they sit at their tables. That happens all the time, with or without a divorce in play.

They'll behave; I betcha.

If they are not comfortable walking together with you then I would ask your Dad to walk you down the aisle.

As far as you seeing Dad before the church or not I don't know why your mom would think she has a say in that. You can see your Dad when you want to. No would ignore any attempts at control or griping and bean dip. You know. Oh how nice have you tried the bean dip?

Don't force them to act like a couple. But tell them you expect them to act like mature adults