When People Not Invited Ask About the Wedding

Blame it on your venue. Just tell them that due to your venue choice, you only can have this many people, and after family, you only can invite extremely close friends.

I had a few people ask me about it that i wasnt inviting, and I just told them that due to my family size, there weren't going to be too many fiends.

I have SO many people asking specific details about the wedding who are not invited. It's not unusual where I'm from, I guess. I never ask beyond the "So, how's planning going?" But I have many older ladies at work who I don't even see on a weekly basis ask me about where I got my dress from, if it's altered, yet, where are we going on our honeymoon, where am I getting my hair done, etc. I just answer them. I don't feel like playing the tip toe game. Lol.

ETA: None of these people have asked for invites or insinuated that they should get one. They were just making small talk.

Tell them we are still working on it. like where is it? I say the city (bc its oot). but more specific than that I just say we are still working on things. If they are not invited I wont even mention the exact date. If someone ask when is the wedding I will respond "next year" and smile. Because ppl expect different things depending on the timeframe. Around 8 months before they expect to be asked their address. 6 months before they expect to get an STD. Couple months before expect a invite. Maybe even a shower invite. So I keep it blah. By saying they city it allows me to screen out a lot of ppl bc while if it was local i know they would probably want to come, but they won't want to take the time or expense to go to an oot wedding if i was inviting them.

I mostly took Pancakes approach. When people at work or friendly acquaintances asked details I just answered in brief and then asked them how they were doing. It's mostly just small talk and since everyone knows you're having a wedding, it's what they're going to ask about. I wouldn't worry about it unless they directly comment on being invited in which case you make some awkward comment about how it's an intimate affair, etc, etc and change the subject.

Yeah, I'm comfortable talking about dress shopping and DIY with people who I would normally talk about fashion and crafts with. It's the where/when stuff that leads to awkwardness. I am so awkward! And FH is so friendly, sometimes he says things to avoid confrontation.

@Ruth Blaming venue/family is good. The truth is, we are not having a big or small wedding, and our venue can fit close to twice the number we hope to get. We are inviting 132 and thinking we will have 100-110. Our venue can fit 200. The people who aren't coming don't need to know that I guess!

This is so tough! I feel like half of the people who ask where and when it is are just being nice and conversational and not seeking out an invite, so I'll tell those people The people who think they are going to be invited are so tough! Just avoid anything specific and reiterate that you guys are "enjoying being engaged" and "wedding planning is so crazy"! You can also throw in the "we're having a small wedding" or venue restrictions if they are being super aggressive

Thanks FFW and Jeanne! I guess we will have to be more general in our responses. FH and I will have to talk about this before our next social event.

Anyone who knows your planning a wedding is going to ask in conversation. It doesn't necessarily mean they are fishing for an invite. I discuss it openly and usually in general terms. I don't even want guests knowing the details.

I really feel uncomfortable when this happens. I try my best to just give short, simple responses without going in to detail. It feels a little awkward but guess I will have to get used to it. I've also had people who *are* invited to the wedding ask me really specific questions about our budget. I also find that strange, and kind of rude! Oh well.

Mine is the same as Pancakes. People just ask how planning is going and some ask a few more details. None of those people have asked or hinted at a invite. A few have them have even made comments that they can't wait to see the pictures.

In general I think most people just get excited about weddings and want to hear about them even if they aren't invited. Unfortunately it's those few people that are fishing for a invite that makes us scared that everyone is fishing for one.

They may just want to connect and it's the most obvious way to make small talk. Think about couples you've known who are engaged...even if you don't expect an invitation, it would seem rude to not ask about a major event in their lives. It's chatter. Small talk.

I don't understand why brides think most people who ask about the wedding are fishing for an invitation. Most probably are being polite.

I'd answer their questions. But if they specifically ask or talk about being invited to the wedding, I would go with the numbers excuse. That your venue only allows so many people.

Omg this has seriously been the WORST part of planning for me. Even in the very beginning, when we first got engaged, I was getting soo many super specific questions from people I either knew from the beginning we not on our guest list or people who we were iffy about. Its soo uncomfortable!

And Now that we've sent out STDs OMG KILL ME!

I still try to avoid or answer in super general & generic answers, its getting harder. I have the one random (3rd or 4th) cousin who not only asked about her invitation but asked if she could be a bridesmaid. There's also my Moms second cousin who lives in California who told my little sister she's "using my wedding as an excuse to come to NY" I've seen this woman twice in my life. I've been letting my mom talk to random people on her side of the family, I know I'm a coward, but I really feel so guilty about it.

The one thing I will say is, I've found that when its people asking about coming to the wedding But are not asking about like spending time with FH & I before the wedding, I feel less bad about not inviting them. They have no interest in being apart of our actual lives and just want to come to the wedding, which I feel is rude. I know it might be bitchy but #SorryNotSorry

@Lydia right! I'm sure not everyone is fishing for an invite. But there have been 2-3 people who definitely were. I'm just socially awkward no matter what so that makes me feel worse about this.

@MzRosaLu that is so rude for people to ask about your budget! I've had that happen too, and I won't answer specifically. I'm fine talking about it with other brides who are planning, but the way some people have asked seems sort of like a pissing contest or just extremely judgmental about how much they think we are spending. When someone asks how much something cost I say "on budget" and if they really push I say "Oh I don't remember, around x or x." or I tell them that the info is online if they really want to find it.

@MrsA2B I think it's nice when people ask general questions. I'm sure that everyone who asks when the wedding is isn't fishing for an invite. There's a clear difference in the way they ask if they think they are invited. It's like I can see the wheels turning in their head thinking about their calendar or the pleading look in their eyes (like the pathetic exchange between FH and his college friend last weekend).

We're still pretty early, but I usually deflect by saying something vague, avoiding details if I can. "Oh, we haven't figured that out yet" or just general comments. Some coworkers will ask, and I'll give more details, but they're mostly just making conversation.

I will say that people are already hounding me and FH about invites. I'm better at deflecting the requests than FH is, so we'll have to deal with that as we continue finalizing our guest list, but it's like, people, it's a year away, simmer down! FH's best friend's aunt and uncle asked for an invite. WHO??? *sigh* I knew it would happen but goodness. I do have one acquaintance that is not on our list, and she thinks she's on our list, and I have been very polite but firm in deflecting her and telling her point blank that we have big families and a small venue, budget, etc., and she won't stop saying, "Oh, but I know I'm invited." At this point, it's early enough that she can think whatever she wants to think.

Also I have to add that my FH is TERRIBLE about navigating these completely awkward conversations and whenever they happen he's like "Yeah Of course you can come to our wedding!" and I just have to death stare him until we get home and I can give him a piece of my mind

@Jade I'm pretty sure one of FH's cousins is using our wedding as an excuse to visit the east coast. She told my FMIL that she really wants to come which is funny because she doesn't get along with FH or me. She won't speak to me even if I directly ask her a question--a real peach. She wants to visit the Poconos, the shore, and NYC, I'm sure. She, however, is invited. We decided to invite all first cousins and their children, but if we hadn't I would have asked my mom to spread the word that we were on a limited budget and were having a small wedding. She actually offered to do that before we made our guest list! Our families are mostly awesome though, so I'm grateful for that.

Again, it's nice when people ask about planning to be polite. Those are not the awkward exchanges I'm trying to avoid.

I am with Pancakes - if they ask questions, I just answer. No one has really asked if they were invited or anything. I had one girl say "Oh my gosh, I hope I'm invited!" and I just did not respond. -_-

Yeah, people are weird...

I'm with you though, I get that most of the time people are just happy for us and excited. So I answer their questions. Its just when people are very clearly fishing for invites that things get uncomfortable

We just set our date and are starting to hand out our save the dates as well. And I actually just had someone who is a friend of mine who I haven't seen in a while ask if he is invited to the wedding. And as much as I would love to invite him, we are only doing a wedding for 90 ppl so I just said, at this point I cant invite you, we only have a handful of friends who are in the wedding party and the rest is family. He took it fine, I feel like most people will understand. I think that the worse option is to string people along. (I'm not saying that anyone is doing that though...) I just think if they ask directly and they aren't invited then you should just let them know.