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Master May 2016

When People Not Invited Ask About the Wedding

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EatKnitRun, on September 1, 2015 at 11:03 AM

What do you do? Now that we are finalizing and cutting our guest list in preparation to send STDs even fewer of our friends are on the final list. Usually when people ask about wedding planning they don't expect a specific, detailed answer, but for some reason it seems like people who aren't invited ask specific things, like when and where it is. Brushing the questions off seems more awkward than just answering them, but then I feel put on the spot because I really do not want to talk about the wedding with people we aren't inviting. Last weekend one of FH's female friends basically begged for an invite and he told her she "made the short list." She didn't! We never planned to invite her, and afterwards he told me he made a mistake and didn't want to invite her. I realize these are two separate issues, but obviously FH and I need to have a party line when this comes up again. It was so much easier when we were even farther out and said that we were not planning specifics yet.

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23 Comments

Super September 2015
Brittany · on September 1, 2015 at 12:31 PM
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I have tried to stay pretty vague on answers, when possible, then quickly change the subject. It helps that our engagement is just under 6 months so people don't expect too many answers yet.
When people get specific with questions, I will answer them, then still try to change the subject. If possible, I'll throw in how the wedding is going to be small. I know most people are just making small talk. No one has come right out and asked to be invited other than one person. If they did, I would say that we are only inviting family and a few close friends.
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Dedicated January 2016
Helen · on September 1, 2015 at 1:11 PM
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I got this quite a bit. Although I am getting married in Jamaica and wanted to keep invites exclusive to family and close friends. So when people ask- and believe me, they did- I told them exactly that. No need to lead them on into being disappointed later when they don't get invited. On that note, I also had people upset that they were invited! I got a few snide comments that it was much too expensive for them. And I get that, not everyone can go and afford it, and I knew that when I invited some people. Whatever, people won't be satisfied either way apparently.
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Expert October 2015
Mrs. P · on September 1, 2015 at 1:45 PM
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For me the awkwardness isn't that I think they're fishing for an invite, it's more that it feels super rude to tell someone all about an event that they're not invited to. It's like telling someone all about the birthday party you're planning and then not inviting them. But like other people, I smile a lot and try to keep it general (in October, in Maryland, etc.) I don't want to mention that the venue has a limit because even though that's true, I didn't think they were asking for an invitation, so mentioning that would be even more awkward.
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