What’s the etiquette when co-workers (not invited to the wedding) want to throw you a shower?

A shower at work with co-workers is different than a shower outside of work. No expectations of an invitation.

At my office, whenever someone is getting married (and we know about it, lol) or pregnant or whatever, we always throw a shower to wish them well, regardless to whether any of us are invited. I don't think it's rude that you aren't inviting your entire workplace to the wedding. Folks should understand that each head costs money, so it shouldn't be that much of a deal.

So these other ladies wont be offended if they are invited and not invited to the wedding?

I had the exact same situation. So I basically told them I would love to do it, but didn't want any gifts. They still got me some fun gifts, and we went to a spa together, and they covered my massage. We went to a cocktail hour, and that was it. I know you feel bad, but as long as everyone knows what's happening, and it's somebody else's idea, it's OK. It's not like you asked to have a shower. I would gladly do it for some of my co-workers even if I'm not invited to the wedding.

Ok!! I feel better now :-) Thanks!

Our co-workers never actually know we're planning a shower, we're inconspicous about it, so they don't have a chance to tell us "no gifts", lol. We always pitch in and get a giftcard or something from their registry. I've worked here for several years, and have planned or participated in several showers and never been invited to any wedding, but no, I'm definitely not offended by it.

Ha ha Mrs. NewBeginnings, that's smart :-)

Unfortunately my department is extremely political, so you have to be careful about who's invited to, well, just about anything :-) But your way is definitely a better way to go.

When I was reading various websites about bridal shower etiquette over the weekend, a few sites mentioned only people invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower and the only exception is co-workers who do a shower at work (even though they aren't invited to the wedding).

That's what I read anyway, but I will still feel a little funny about it. I hope nobody brings it up at work!

When I was working in an office, we always did showers for people getting married or having/adopting babies. I think it's just a nice thing to do and there was never any expectation of a wedding invite because of it. We did like to get to see the babies once they were born though in the case of the baby showers

I had a bunch of friends from school that I couldn't invite to the wedding and my roommates wanted to throw me a school shower with those people anyway. Nobody seemed offended and I honestly had nothing to do with the planning, I wouldn't worry about it if I were you; it seems pretty normal!

My co-workers are going to throw me one and we threw a baby shower for another co-worker. It's just a nice thing to do. Your co-workers aren't obligated to give you a gift (many times, people will send around an envelope for cash and one person will buy a gift--so everyone gives as much as they're comfortable with).

I think that co-workers are the general exception to the rule because most people can't give all of their co-workers invites and it's awkward to only invite a few and not all.

That's interesting.. My job threw me a surprise shower today with food and a delicious cake.. I was so surprised I cried.. Also they gave me a prepaid card with a lot if money and I just couldn't believe it.. It was a great day!! )

I know how you feel, I would feel the same way. But, other people don't feel that way. We did the same thing for a couple of people who got married. We all pitched in and bought a big gift, but none of us were invited to the wedding. People understand...especially if the wedding is small or the guest list is kept to family and close friends.

I didn't invite anyone from work and about 20 of them pitched $5-$15 each and gave me some cash and a card. It was really nice, they also gave me a candleabre which I used on the head table.

The only expectation is that you say thank you. every job i have ever had has thrown things for every occassion that people have with the only intent being to say we are happy for you and wish you the best.

Thank you ladies. It is a lot more common than what I expected! :-)

I can't say I've run into this issue...my workplace is over 90% male and they tend to not throw showers. And the few other women are usually my mom's age or older.

However, I agree with the others that it's okay for them to give you a shower even though they won't be invited to the wedding. So, feel better and enjoy it!

I just had a shower at work yesterday and it was really nice! We all went out to lunch and they pitched in and got me a nice gift. I just made cake pops and put a little bag around each one with a thank you tag attached I felt bad doing nothing for them!

Mrs. NewBeginnings I feel like we work at the same place! lol. That's exactly how it is at my job. We celebrate everything! I was just discussing my work shower with the girls who are planning it. There's actually a handful of people from work that i'm inviting to my actual wedding but i get along so well with my co-workers that i'm thinking it'll be a really good time. It'll be my first official shower and I'm super excited!

It's par for the course at my office. It's fun. Guest of honor's supervisor orders in lunch or we do potluck and everyone comes (men and women). The group gives a gift card.

It's basically an excuse to take a longer than usual lunch hour, tease the bride / groom (we have them for both LOL) and eat good food.

I work for a HUGE company so a general invite goes out to our immediate dept (which is still 40-50 people) and anyone else your coworkers know you're close to and whoever can come does. Those that can't, don't.

People know to expect it, but the exact date is never known and more often than not we're able to catch them off guard.

There is no expectation that we will be invited to the wedding.