What would you do? Bridesmaid problem

MOH doesn't know 5 so she tells me and of course I reach out and facilitate try and figure out why this was happening. 5 responds to me after a day and says "I'm so sorry .. blah blah.... but I'm trying to make sure I can even be in your wedding" I say it's OK we can figure it out. She explains that her brothers wedding is the week after mine in another state and the expenses for it are twice as much as mine. Again I re assure that there are things we can do we just have to look at details but I understand.

No response from her

For 4 weeks now I haven't heard anything since she said she doesn't know If she can be in the wedding. The last 2 texts I have sent her were "I understand if you have to step down" and "are you ready to talk about this"

Waiting for a question...

ETA and seriously hoping the question does not involve asking if she can be kicked out...

I would talk to her like a normal person and check in with her, see what's going on in her life. Don't mention wedding expenses or plans, just be a friend. She probably feels pressured.

There's no character limit on comments so you can finish all at once. What's your question? There's nothing to be done in this situation. If she doesn't want to be a bridesmaid, she'll let you know. If a date is picked that she can't make, she won't be there.

Sounds to me like she's overwhelmed and doesn't know how to say she can't come out in your wedding. I'm It's a Shame she isn't responding to your texts. I'd give her at least a month before making any final decisions ... she may also have a lot going on

All anyone in your bridal party has to do is show up on the day of in the agreed upon attire. Any pre-wedding events are optional.

She's already stated she is struggling to afford your wedding and her brother's. have you tried talking to her as her FRIEND rather than a bride?!?

No I don't want to kick her out but u feel like she hinted at the idea of stepping down then ghosted. And the question would be how do you handle this.

I could understand having a lot going on. But when it comes to bridesmaid or wedding events it seems like she always has stuff going on, she has not been involved or has even met my other bridesmaids. And then the first time my maid of honor reached out she snubbed her and now MOH is a little annoyed with her too.

For fuck's sake, she doesn't have to meet your other bridesmaids, she doesn't have to come to your pre-wedding parties. Maybe drop the wedding talk and speak to her like a friend.

I just don't see someone being THAT busy that you can't even shoot a text. Anything like can we talk about this in a few weeks when I get more details about my bro

I definitely don't want to kick her out but I also don't want to push her into a situation that she can't handle and it feels like this is a warning sign. I guess I can't wait for her to reach out to me but where is my hard line? When do I say I think you have to support your family more than me? Or do I never get there and let her come to me.

She doesn't have to. I get the feeling you're badgering her and this is her way of telling you to back the fuck off.

You let her come to you.

Have you picked or ordered dresses?

What are you suggesting? Firing her? If she can be there, she will. Failure to attend your "Said Yes to Dress Party" isn't a huge offense (in fact, I've never heard of this kind of party). She's already told you about her brother's wedding, which is very expensive for her and within a week of your wedding. It's also something she cannot skip. What's you fear? Is it that won't attend your bachelorette party? So what. You asked her to be a BM because you envisioned her walking the aisle and being right next to you on your wedding day. You've known her longer than any of the other honor attendants -- that counts for something, right? If she shows up in the right dress, she's in -- and you might not get her final confirmation until days before your wedding. If that's the case, then deal with it. If the sides are uneven, it's not going to make your guests gasp. Don't make this bigger than it has to be. It's a wedding, not a state dinner.

I am not badgering I was very supportive even offered to pay for things and she didnt respond. So I stopped and waited to give her space and time, I thought a month was enough time.

I would be frustrated too, you have enough to stress about. If this is something your friend can't manage right now then she really needs to just be straight forward with you and you with her. Good luck!

Yeah, you aren't listening to your "friend". Are you worried about "even sides"? Do you have someone "waiting in the wings"?

My biggest fear is that she is going to push herself to do both when she us hinting at me to say it's OK you can step down. Do you think she would have the confidence to actually let me know she can't do both, or do I have to be the one to advocate for her to step down. I just worry its too much for her. She's the type of person to suffer in silence and not enjoy herself.