What to do when people invite themselves to your wedding

I think you need to just set her straight, especially before she buys a plane ticket.

Just tell her that due to (budget, venue size, small wedding, etc) that you didn't include her in the wedding.

No matter what you say it's not going to be easy. But the longer you let her go on thinking she is invited the harder it's going to be.

I'd nicely say that you were considering having a small wedding with family and that though you would love for her to be there (not) it isn't feasible at this time.

How did she find out about the wedding? if she doesnt know any info how can she come? just try to keep it as private as possible so she doesnt know anything about it.

if that doesnt work you could also tell her your having a private and small wedding and that your sorry that you are unable to extend an invite to her. hopefully she dosent think shes also a BM or something lol. good luck! let me know how it goes :]

If I had a friend that was inviting themself to my wedding I would say as nicely as I could that with my parents are paying for most of the wedding I have to obide by their limits on the number of people to invite which ends up only being close family, parents and grandparent, aunts and uncles and maybe the next time your in town you two can grab a drink or dinner and celebrate then.

I agree with bayridgeqt. I say let her know you are keeping it very small and that you have already promised the flower girl position to a family member. She should understad.

Best to set her straight fast before she buys a ticket! Just tell her that your sorry but the wedding is going to be small as possible and family and a few close friends only, and you're sorry that you can't invite her.

She only knows the date. She knows my family and they do not like her either but tolerate her just to be polite. She may of met my mother in town and asked her. She is a very nosy person.

I told her on the phone yesterday that she should definately not buy a ticket. She has attended other weddings that she was not invited to. They call it crashing weddings. I am so stressed. Thanks ladies

I'm glad you told her not to buy a ticket. Now it's her own fault if she chooses to try and crash the wedding after all. Make sure those folks who may come into contact with her understand that she is not on the invite list so they don't inadvertently share too many details about it. Lastly, make sure there is some sort of hostess at the wedding who is greeting folks as they arrive and give them a list of "not invited" people who may decide to come on their own. They will then be responsible for nicely asking that person to leave.

I'm sorry, but after last night's fiasco on the boards, I will be a bit wary of all the new posters; especially just posting for the first time last night or today. Parts of this story don't add up for me. How can someone "use you" when you only see them once a year for a drink to "be polite"? How about telling the truth to the person? Truth is always good.

Rev. Carleen - enough about last night. Most of us do not have a clue what happened and nobody is willing to tell us so please move on and stop bringing it up. I am sorry I did not realise that I needed 5 stars before posting a question on here. I only found this site a few days ago and was really looking for advise on this matter. I am not a vendor or spammer or anything like that. I am just getting married and really do not have much of a clue and found this forum by accident and really loved it. I have learned so much in one week and just by reading other peoples posts has brought my stress level down. I do not have anyone else to ask these questions. Thanks

Yea I am seriously tierd about hearing about last night, can we please just not talk about it? Why do we need to keep bringing it up? I don't understand, we want it to stop yet we keep bringing it up. Seriously I'm sorry BUT ENOUGH!

Don't worry about what happened last night. Just a bunch of stuff that shouldn't have. Congrats and welcome to the boards! We all started out as newbies to the board and then became part of this great family so welcome! Back to your question though. I would just be honest with her that you have already set the guest list and you are filled to capacity, though I don't know whether that is true or not. Honesty is always the best policy. As far as her daughter being your flower girl that is just rude for her to expect from you. Tell her that you are using your own family to fill that position. Considering the fact that you said you only go home once a year it's not like you are going to have to deal with your being a b!tch to you because you don't want to invite her. This is your wedding don't let anyone bully you into doing something or inviting someone that you don't want to.

I'm kind of gusty, so when people tell me they're coming to my wedding when I haven't invited them, I just tell them they aren't invited. If they're rude enough to assume, then they should expect a blunt answer in return, especially if they know me.

I was not talking about what happened...only that I am going to be wary of so many new posters questions for a few days. Other newbies have been proven to be not who they seem today. No one needs to have a certain amount of stars. I had never seen you on the boards and parts of this just seemed strange to me. I am sure that others on this board could tell you how helpful and respected many of us vendors on here are. I apologize that you had to be under scrutiny, but you can understand why we may feel that way, today especially. I had moved on, and the only mention of it was to explain why I was being cautious. I gave you sound advice, too. The truth is always the best route.

If someone automatically invites themselves or tells me they better be invited i put them on the "you're not coming list!" its rude to invite yourself let alone try to get her daughter to be in it too!

How extremely rude of her to assume she was invited!! I agree, you need to set her straight SOON so it doesn't get complicated even more later. Any of the suggestions mentioned above should work. I personally like the "small wedding, guest list complete" idea but whichever one suits you best. Good luck! Let us know how it turns out!

Do you have a wedding coordinator/day of coordinator? I would do everything everyone else said, and then give your coordinator her name/pictures.. this way if she shows up they can "take care of it" before you even know she's there

I had one wedding who booked at my tux shop. The Best Man brought his tux back ripped up, saying he had to "escort" an ex-bf from the vicinity. Best part, the groom brought his back smiling and had no idea it happened!

HAHA @ jouselle, that is an awesome story!

anyone I don't want to come I just say sorry we can only invite 100 guests and they realize we have way better friends and family that would take up 100 people so they drop it. If that doesn't work just be honest, doesn't sound like you want this girl as a friend anyway. Maybe this will make her mad and she'll leave you alone? good luck!