What to do if your guests don't want to commit to coming to your wedding

Kindly explain to them that if they can’t do better than trying to make it that you are going to put them as no

Usually people do not ask for RSVP more than 3-5 weeks out. When you ask for a due date too early, before workplaces that wait til a month out to approve time off, and before School calendars are posted for important things for kids, what you get is a lot of people who may think you are pushing to early for a response. If you say deadline has passed for a Spot 28 wedding g, then you are expecting full, final answers more than 8 weeks in advance. And most invitations do not go out until 8 weeks ahead. Asking for answers way too early may work for you. But lits of people, put on the spot too early, will say, the heck with you, we cannot say for sure, so put us down, and we may cancel later. There is a reason there is a conventional timeline for invitations, and RSVP returns. People cannot, and won't, give you answers they just don't know themselves. Your problem .

View Quoted Comment Because while your life may be revolving around your wedding right now. Mine isn’t. As a guest, I’m fully aware my response gets translated into real money for you. I don’t want to mark accept right away and then something come up. I have kids in sports. Those schedules are in constant motion and change all the time.

View Quoted Comment I understand this at 2-3 weeks out. But this OP says deadline has already passed, and she has already contacted people, and it is now still 8 weeks from next weekend til her wedding. Did you expect all answers 9 or more weeks in advance? Likely, no. So while your answer makes sense at under a month, would you have expected all answers by 9 weeks out?

From hearing all these RSVP horror stories I am generally curious what people experience at their wedding when someone just shows up?.. Does someone turn them away, pull them up a chair, let them eat for free? I honestly wouldn't know what to do but I'd probably be fuming.

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Exactly my thought with reading all of these threads. So frustrating!!

View Quoted Comment Having an invisible disease that can flare at anytime is completely different from "mark us as a yes, and well TRY to make it". I would totally understand if someone rsvps yes, and then the day before or day of gets very ill and cant come. I have an invisible disease. I'm doing everything in my power right now to keep it from flaring in the next 10 days.

I would call these people, and say, I need a DEFINITE yes or no by X date. If you are still uncertain, I will have to mark you as a no. Our caterer requires an official head count. And hold your ground on the hard yes or no.

View Quoted Comment So, luckily I only had about 5 people I had to track down, so it wasnt terrible. But if someone RSVP'd no, and then decided to show up, I would probably give them a seat, but honestly, they probably wouldnt be getting a meal other than rolls and some apps! Our caterer requires the final count 8 days in advance, and that's pretty much it. After that, we "could" change stuff if we really wanted to, but with everything going on the week before a wedding, who wants to do that!

View Quoted Comment From all the responses I've been reading, I suppose I did set my deadline too soon. I'll be letting the undecided guests know that they have more time 😊 thanks for the help!

I think I would have a metal breakdown if someone said this to me. Ugh I would just try to be very firm with them that it would be really unfortunate if you were expecting them to be there and they didn't show.

View Quoted Comment That's really sweet of you; thank you for thinking of your guests with invisible illnesses! I'm in the same boat with severe chronic pain and have been mulling over my response to the hostess of my niece's bridal shower. (I'm sure my tentative Yes won't be a problem.) Thanks for understanding their position

You need to be, as my grandma would put it, politely stern. Tell them have until X date to give a Yes or No answer or else you're going to mark them as not coming and that's it.

I’m having extra food for the bigger eaters so I guess it wouldn’t be that big of a deal for me but they wouldn’t have an extra chair to sit on. The “Yes” guests take top priority, food’s a lot of money. If the straggers want to show up then they can have food if there’s enough left over, that’s just the way it is. No matter how big your budget, no bride wants to burn money on what if’s.

I'm super big on not coddling grown adults. Anyone who doesn't RSVP yes will be a no and I'm not chasing anyone around for answers. We already decided that all "no" RSVPs and uninvited (by name) guests will not be accommodated. Everyone has up until 72 hours before the wedding date to adjust their RSVP if needed, but they're all getting a month to respond for the first round. I'll have the 72 hour info on the Q&A portion of our website.

I'm also super big on other people dictating what version of me they deal with. What I mean by that is essentially rooted in "treat others how you wish to be treated" and so a rude response like the one you received will be handled with the same level of respect.

I'd respond: "Since you are not certain, I'll mark you down as a No until I hear otherwise. The very last date I need a definite by is ----. Our venue requires accurate head counts for a variety of reasons necessary for the day to go smoothly. Thanks so much! 😁"

View Quoted Comment This is the best response!! It say what you need to say without having explaining exactly how pricing works. While, nicley letting them know if they can't give you a definite answer right then, they will have to be put down as a no. I would say what Gen suggested!! Also, good luck!!! I'm so sorry your dealing with guests that have no consideration or understanding of how any of this works!!

We are date twins. Can I ask why you RSVP is so early? You still have two months.

Hi! I'm having the same problem. We're getting married on September 15,2019. And nobody from my fiances sode has RSVPd and some of my family says; well, let me see how I can arrange that, I have to work that Saturday but if so and so gets fired the other guy can switch with me, I got your wedding invitation... Ok... and? They just sound like excuseses to me. Maybe I'm overthinking, but I think they had and have plenty of time to make arrangements to their little sisters wedding. And I'm not sure what the deal is with my fiances family. 🤔

View Quoted Comment I didn't realize honestly. Nobody told me that it was too early. I know now lol. I'll be giving my maybe guests a little more time.

Sometimes you need to stick to your guns and call out bad behaviour! I would simply tell them that you are required to pay per person in advance, and if they say yes and don't show up you've wasted "x" amount of dollars that could have been spent on your honeymoon or saved. If they still can't commit then just simply say "Unfortunately we'll have to mark you as not attending but we know you'll be celebrating with us from afar" or some other diplomatic, pandering BS.

Your wedding is 2 months away; it's too early to have had your RSVP date past. Many people simply are unable to know for sure more than a month from a date whether they'll be able to attend an event, for various reasons. That's why they can't give you a firm answer.