What else does Black Tie mean?

Black tie is a more formal event. Most bridal parties are in some form of tuxes but that doesn't mean your guest have to be.

I really wished I had put a dress code on the invite instead of just the website! Everyone keeps asking if they can wear jeans because our venue is in a barn - which is totally updated and climate controlled and no farm animals in sight.

Bridal party tuxes are normal, and not necessarily reflective of a black tie event.

A true black tie affair is usually a large wedding (200+ guests) on a Saturday evening starting at 6:30 pm or later, includes amenities like valet parking, top shelf open bar, white gloved butler service, tableside wine service, two live bands for entertainment, full 4-course or more plated dinner, extensive, upscale decor, including giant floral arrangements for centerpieces. They are elaborate events.

A live band (10-piece, I think).

White glove service.

Saturday evening after (after 6pm, I believe).

Valet parking.

I think a certain number of courses must be served as well.

Seated, plated meal.

Hmmm. I just searched through other posts and am not meeting all the criteria it looks like. I will switch it to cocktail attire just in case. Glad its only on the website and says "subject to change".

We'll have passed appetizers during cocktail hour, have buffet with multiple entree and side options (seated dinner wasn't recommended due to number of guests), cake (duh), and a multi-person live band. We will be shuttling in guests to the venue as the parking lot is just outside of the grounds, so there will be a person directing parking and guiding people to the shuttle, but not valet.

Thanks, don't want no "side-eye"!

Black tie optional isn't really a thing.

There are actually a lot of requirements for what makes an event "black tie" but TBH, like you, I'm not entirely sure what they are because I've never been to one, and they aren't common in my social circle. I do know that you have to have a full band, it has to be after 6pm on a Saturday in a ballroom or hotel (no wineries or barns or whatever), white glove service, passed hors d'oeuvres, top shelf open bar, plated meal, etc etc etc

I'm pretty sure that guest attire is the least important part of a black tie event.

Hopefully someone with a concrete answer will chime in lol

Excellent. Thank you all, very helpful responses. I have updated the wedding website to cocktail attire. I have already upgraded to a full bar as opposed to beer, wine, and signature cocktails, and switched from plastic cups to glasses (just not going to tell FMIL who was concerned about inebriated guests breaking things and pushed for "nice plastic" which I have found does not really exist). We have just the one band, as there is no way we will have two and their breaks are scheduled during the first part of dinner and cake time. We have gorgeous fresh florals, probably going to keep that splurge for now. Definitely not engraved invitations but they are pretty nice but on light grey paper with with navy lettering. We are going to be situated on an island in Maryland on the grounds of an old inn in a tent with flaps and heaters if needed right off the water. Wedding is on a Saturday with ceremony at 5 pm, cocktails 5:30 to 6:30, and reception at 6:30. While it feels formal, it isn't meeting criteria above, so I have made the change. Whew. Glad I asked.

I have been to one black tie wedding when I was in grad school years ago and remember feeling underdressed and horrible. It was really nice but definitely not what we are going for. I wish they taught this in debutante school. Maybe I missed that day.

*After dark

*Engraved/letterpress invitation

*Multi-course meal with menu options and table service

*Full open bar

*Passed appetizers with formally dressed wait staff

*Band

*Valet parking (though in NYC, where we're getting married, this doesn't come up all too often)

*Wine service at tables

*Appropriate venue (e.g. no barns)

Edited to add: essentially, it should be a gala affair at least a couple echelons dressier than a nice dinner. Think more plated political fundraiser than eating BBQ at a horse farm.

As for kids, I think an older, at least elementary-school age child who knows to be quiet and not run around might quite enjoy the opportunity to get dressed up. The question of whether or not to invite children runs more along the lines as for all weddings: budgets, vibe, etc.

We put semi-formal on the website and most people dressed appropriately. Suits and cocktail dresses. Some people came in polo shirts and dress pants which I consider to be underdressed but it was fine.

Brooke, our wedding is in a church that was converted from an old sale barn. It is Rustic and everything I envisioned. But I have had the same issue of people asking if jeans are okay. I'm like umm I would prefer a dress, even like a maxi dress or simple sun dress.

I went to a Black Tie Optional wedding about a month ago. It was confusing and it was frustrating to not know exactly how we were supposed to be dressed. The attire there ranged from some girls in leggings to girls in formal evening gowns. The pictures I'm sure look like different events were going on due to the drastic difference in attire.

There is no such thing as 'black tie optional".

It either is or it's not and whatever you put on your website, be prepared for people to ignore it.

Be glad people are coming, remember that what they wear does not reflect on you and don't give them a dress code.

There is no such thing as 'black tie optional".

It either is or it's not and whatever you put on your website, be prepared for people to ignore it.

Be glad people are coming, remember that what they wear does not reflect on you and don't give them a dress code.

See, I have always know that black tie optional means dresses and suits, or even nice separates. But that it doesn't have to be formal evening wear if you don't already own some. But I see there is confusion even with cocktail attire, so I have it saying formal attire. In a few weeks, I will send the updated website info out so everyone sees the changes. Luckily we did not put attire specifics on the invite!

@windowschick, yeah, I have family members like that. I know they own suits because I've seen them at funerals. I added the liquor option to the bar because my dad said they would otherwise bring their own booze. So if I'm hosting them properly, I would like them to dress decently. Have relinquished control as long as I'm doing my part and hosting properly.