what does the mother of the groom do the day of the wedding?

I think in this situation you need to have someone with you MIL the day of - sort of an attendant. Does your FH have an aunt who could be with her? That way if she wants to be with you she can be and if she changes her mind and decides to go elsewhere you don't have to stress about it. It's what we did for my grandmother at my brother's wedding and it worked really well

My mother in law is getting her hair and make up done at a salon and then I don't know what else. My mom is also getting her hair and make up done elsewhere then meeting the girls at my house. Neither of them are getting ready with us but will join in later.

This is a special situation. Does your FH have a relative that can help? I actually let my mom and my MiL get ready with us (but they went back to their own rooms to change).

MiL usually can help you get ready, or be involved with that. During the ceremony, I've seen grooms who walked their mother's down the aisle just before the start of the official entrance to the ceremony.

Relax, enjoy, be honored in some way (I almost always do the rose thing for the moms).

My getting ready rooms are very small. The vendors are only going to be on the makeup room and if they don't have enough room to work people will have to leave.

My MIL will flip out if there is an attendant for her. We are having a small wedding of 35 people.

I'm still surprised she wants to do this when she skipped the shower.

Mine got ready in her own room and later joined us for family photos, before the ceremony. She didn't even sneak a look, inside the room where the bridal party ladies were getting ready.

I have a feeling your FMIL will change her mind, before or during your wedding day.

She can do whatever she wants really, but she doesn't have to be included in getting ready. Neither does your own mom, if you don't want her there.

I have no idea what my MIL did. She showed up for pictures when we told her to and that was all I knew. She did not get ready with me. Love her, but there was not room for her. I'm sure she just spent time with her family, relaxed, and then got ready.

If yours has dementia, she needs someone helping her, even if she doesn't know they are, though maybe it isn't as severe as you make it sound. Would she wander off by herself and go missing? Hurt herself? Go do something and miss the entire event?

The other stuff (shower, illness, etc) is all irrelevant.

It is in the early stages of dementia. She gets confused very easily. However, she does need someone helping her. I think she likes me. However, she only wants my FH or my FIL helping her up. I can understand that. She tries to move to quickly when she shouldn't and has had a lot of falls.

I honestly think the "illness" was because she was going to be alone in a social situation without her husband. She hasn't done that in years. Also, in early dementia, people do strange things to try to hide the fact they are losing it.

It is in the early stages of dementia. She gets confused very easily. However, she does need someone helping her. I think she likes me. However, she only wants my FH or my FIL helping her up. I can understand that. She tries to move to quickly when she shouldn't and has had a lot of falls.

I honestly think the "illness" was because she was going to be alone in a social situation without her husband. She hasn't done that in years. Also, in early dementia, people do strange things to try to hide the fact they are losing it.

You're in a rough spot b/c you don't want to be rude to your FMIL, but at the same time, she's not really getting that the "getting ready" is a time for you to relax and spend time with your bridal party. Ugghh-- I have no good advice. Can your FH talk to her? Maybe he could finish getting ready a bit earlier, and then they could do their family pictures while you are getting ready?

I will say it is totally not typical for a FMIL to be with her FDIL as she is getting ready, and I would have been uncomfortable to have my MIL there when I got ready (though, I got ready by myself).

My MIL went to the salon to get her hair done with FSIL and then met us at the venue.

It sounds like your MIL wants to be involved, but it seems like there are some other issues. What if you made her an appointment at a salon to have her hair and makeup done, maybe with a member of her family? Explain that you want her to feel pampered but that the vendors on-site won't have time to do the BP and her and that you're not comfortable with her being there when you're getting ready?

I needed to vent. So Wedding Wire forum. Thank you for listening to me vent and thank you Barbara for the validation.

We are telling her the day of plan but also not mentioning my mother at all. My mother isn't getting ready with us and just wants to be around for helping me with my dress.

When FMIL realizes she isn't being left out, hopefully she will calm down.

I will talk to FH as a back up plan. Vendors are already paid for. However, maybe we can schedule something special.

I will talk to FH as a back up plan. Vendors are already paid for. However, maybe we can schedule something special.

If she is as dependent on her husband for her social situation comfort as you describe, it probably won't be an issue. If you feel you need to discourage her, just be honest with how hectic, noisy and cramped it will be. You could offer a private sneak peak with both FIL and MIL where you share just a few minutes with them before the ceremony. I think if you were exchanging gifts with hubby, they would be the ideal candidates to deliver the gifts and be there just long enough for the gift opening.