What do you do when most of your guests do not give a gift or card?

I love being told how I feel, almost as much as I love being told that I have to have a wedding reception, even though we did NOT want to have one. I thought maybe other people had dealt with something similar and that this board would give me a chance to discuss something that is bothering me that I do not feel comfortable discussing with my family and friends. Thank you to those of you that offered insight into why guests may have decided not to give a gift or acknowledge our marriage.

Lauren, I'm sorry for what the comments in this post have devolved to.

In response to your question: Are a lot of your guests young, or single men? IMHO, young guests and/or single men are just clueless about a lot of etiquette. As for guests who should know better, maybe they were thrown by the reception-only thing. That's my only guess. But I do think it is rude of them and I sympathize with everything you're feeling. It is a weird subject to talk about, since you're not "expecting" gifts but at the same time you are (because traditionally people give them).

Hang in there.

Umm definitely rude. And I would remember NOT to ever bring as much as a 99 cent card to their own event as well. How rude of the guests not to bring a gift. I always bring gifts or at least give cash. Ugh!

I find it odd and a bit rude that so many guests did not give you a gift.

However, I don't expect gifts from our guests so not receiving one from someone won't bother me. We're inviting them to celebrate a new chapter in our lives, not to get gifts.

Thanks hellothere. My guests were almost all married. I am 29 so most of my friends have gotten married within the past couple of years. Out of 120 guests, between gifts and cards we received something from about 30 of them. If it were only a handful I would not have thought anything of it, but since it was the vast majority it was noticeable and I did not know if it was done very intentionally. Everyone there was very close to us (he has large family). We had about 20 close friends between us, and family only went as far as cousins. The young and just starting out were actually the ones that did, for the most part, at least give a card. After bearing the expense of being in large weddings myself, and never really wanting 1, we decided to have a small private ceremony and to surprise everyone (mainly because it wouldn't be possible otherwise). Everyone suspected that we might so they kept insisting that we needed to, that's why we decided that we would have a reception later.

We just had a small reception for our wedding. We had originally planned a beautiful venue, but cancelled it due to a combination of my family complaining they would have to drive two hours and wouldn't come if they had to do that, and the venue cost alone would be costing is a base of 6G (fairly cheap for our area). We just bought a house, so we opted to just go to a JP with two friends. Bought a dress for less than $100, and we went to a lower-priced restaurant for dinner afterwards. We blew our entire month's budget to have a bbq reception the next day, and of the people who showed up, no one gave cards, and the only people who brought gifts were our witnesses and one of my husbamd's co-workers. I think I was most hurt by the lack of a gift from my parents, considering they had not contributed anything to the wedding besides a side-dish for the bbq, and the year before, my younger sister got a car as a birthday gift. I feel bad that I am irked about not receiving a gift from them, but I also kinda feel like they couldn't have cared less about our wedding since they were not planning on contributing even when we were planning a traditional wedding. I bet my sister will get hers all payed for though >

It is very tacky and classless not to give money for a wedding not a gift but money! I always bring a gift and food just for a simple dinner party its called etiquette

I do not care if it is a celebration or not you never go empty handed. In other words if invited for dinner I personally would bring a bottle of wine or small gift. It is called class. I just got married and family did not come (they would've had to travel). I still expected a card. A lot of people aka family did not even send a card. But, I also had 2 people that I barely know send me a card and a gift. How kind is that!
Bottom line plan and pay for what you want. People who love you and care will at least send a card. Others may not have money but offer a service like doing your hair, helping with set up, etc... that is very much appreciated and also a gift to me.