Well, my dad isn't coming to the wedding...

I'm so sorry. I know how it is not to have a good relationship with your father. My father did not give me away either my niece did...and she love it. I agree it is a privalage not a right! I think you will be better off without him there. This may sting at first but it will be something he will regret you should not he is the one who is refusing to come to the wedding! When he looks back he will have to be the one who lives with the fact that he missed out on his daughters wedding because he was being an idiot. Don't let him get to you. Enjoy your big day its going to be perfect. *hugs*

I can semi-relate.. My father hasn't been the best father.. and my brother won't speak to him now because of it. My brother has actually told me not to sit him anywhere near my father at the wedding otherwise he'll leave..

I think you were right in what you did, That's absolutely selfish of him. Keep your head up!!

And I'm sorry your dad is being such a DB!!!!

@ I am, thank you very much! You are right, it's not me telling him he can't come, it's him refusing to come. My grandmother keeps saying that one day he will realize what he's done & it will hit him, but it's hard to think he'll one day regret what he's done when he's done so much...

@ Lauren, thank you, it's hard, but I knew something would happen, so I guess it's better if he isn't there. It's going to be a lot less stressful not worrying about them screwing my day up.

@ Lovely, I know, it sucks. I should've known something like this would happen though.

I'm so sorry he's putting you through this. I agree with your grandma, someday it'll hit him and he'll have to live with the regret not you. *hugs*

@ Mrs. Jayjohn, I really hope so, thank you!

Your grandmother is right it will hit him. It hit my father after a 4th of July BBQ when I told him that I was tired of him ruining all of my holidays due to his alcoholism and I was not letting this happen on the day of my wedding so I refused to let him give me away. He had never seen his actions as a problem until the day I was just fed up and couldn't take it anymore. Sometimes they need to hear your feelings and I think you did/said the right thing to him....Hopefully he comes to his senses and grows up! Stay strong and marry your best friend in 20 days!

I think we r in similar boat my uncle is marching me down n im planning to tell my father soon n i have a good feeling he'll react the same way cos i told him his little kids cudnt come n he says if they cant come he wont come(dunno if he was serious) but I left it at that. but Im gonna let him know cos just like urs he hasnt asked me nuthing, offered nuthing, so im not gonna give him the priviledge of walking me down he didnt earn it, I appreciate ur post at least i know im not alone

@ I am, thank you! I'm trying to look on the bright side, but it's really hard knowing my family is putting my through all this in a time when I need them the most. I really don't think yesterday's arguement will do anything, but maybe when he's sitting at home, knowing I'm walking down the aisle, maybe that's when it will hit him. If not then, there are plently of milestones he can & will miss until he changes. We're TTC & when we do get pregnant, it's no longer about us, it's about our growing child. I don't want my child to be around people like that. If his actions means he will never meet his grandchildren, so be it. I'm not going to risk them getting hurt.

Like everyone said, your grandmother is right.. My dad and brother got in a heated argument which lead to my dad cursing out my brother (he's not the best father of the year by any means) but now my brother will not speak to him at all, and it kills my father.. this all went down almost 7 years ago my brother feels justified in what he did, writing my father off, but it's sad as hell seeing my father's face sadden when i mention my brother..

Way to stay strong STB Mrs. Congiardo! You will have your FS soon to be Ds to lean on when you need him and that is all that matters. Good Luck TTC I will await your updates on when you are pregnant!

Uhhh your dad is acting like a total douche. this is your wedding and after the way he treated you growing up, it seems crazy that he would assume he would be walking you down the aisle. seems like you got a good support system with your grandparents. *hugs*

@ Rochelle, I wasn't planning on having this talk with him until closer to the wedding. Talk, lol! i said talk when I knew it was going to be an argument. Wow. But yes, I wanted to wait, but he is the one that started it. Hopefully one day, our fathers will drop their egos & get over themselves for us. I'm glad my post let you know that you're not the only one in this position & I wish you all the luck in the world. I hope it turns out better for you that me.

I don't understand why some families can't live without all the drama, why they can't behave like adults and talk things out instead of trying to make people feel bad as if it was our fault. (Yes, I am talking about my family!).

You should be happy with those who will be attending and it makes me excited for you to know grandpa will be walking you down the isle, that is so amazing.

@ Lauren, I get what you're saying. I mentioned forgiving my mother...we weren't on speaking terms for the longest time & when they got divorced, I threw a party, lol! I always said that as soon as I turned 18, I was going to get a restraining order against her & that she would never be involved in anything...she wouldn't come to my wedding, meet my husband, meet her grandchildren, etc. I've grown past that though, my mother is mentally ill, & after I was able to realize that her actions weren't completely her fault, I was able to forgive her. I honestly don't know if that will ever happen with my dad, but maybe someday everything will be peachy keen.

@ I am, thank you! I'm looking forward to it as well. It's going to be very exciting!

@ october, I do. My grandmother has always been there for me. She is the one that raised me, as my parents were still teenagers & they refused to grow up for me, so I was pawned off on my grandmother, which I think saved my life & my sanity.

@ yady, thank you & honestly, I don't think that any family can be functional withough drama, although that is my dream, lol! Good luck with your family as well!

You have every right to ask your Grandfather to walk you down the aisle. Just because he is your Father does not mean that honor is automatically his. Too many Dad's are absent and don't play a very big role in the life of their children but when the wedding rolls around they swoop in as if they are entitled to walk them down the aisle like they were always there for them. With more divorces now and more Father's being absentee, it is becoming more and more common for that honor to be shared by both parents or even someone else that has been around. I do hope your Dad changes his mind and can put his feelings aside and share in your wedding day. If not, it will be less stressful for you. At the end of the day it does not matter who is there or not there as long as you and your husband show up. I hope it all works out and you have a happy day.

It will hit him sweety. Grandmas know these things. some how they just do. Im just sorry to hear that your dad isnt going. but if is going to be an arse about it then he can stay at home. but the real thing to look at is family isnt just blood hun. its people who love you for who you are. all problems aside. ((hugs)) coming at you!

@ Britt, thank you very much! & yes, you're right, as long as FH shows up, it will be perfect, lol!

@ Michelle, thank you very much!