Wedding w/ informal reception: Will guests think we're being cheap?

Some of the restaurants I've seen actually offer really nice private and semi private rooms that can hold as many as 100 people. They also offer a buffet or plated meal options which is convenient.

I just wanted to ask if anyone has ever been to a wedding with this kind of reception or if any couples are looking into this option. If so how was your experience and can you offer any advice? Thanks!

I was a BM in a wedding where the guests would have to pay for their own meal. The only advise I can offer:

Be prepared for most of your guest to decline to attend

Get all your confirmations with the restaurant in writing (meals, drinks, etc.)

ALWAYS speak with the manager and have his/her full name and a contact number

Stay in constant contact with the restaurant. They usually have a high turnover

Before you make your selection for meals, try them

Thanks Forvermylove. I'm actually hoping most decline, Lol. I know that might sound weird, but I really want to reserve that time for my family and closest friends who are in the wedding party. Some may still call it "cheap", but if that were the case we'd have no reception at all. Having a large ceremony and a small reception is like a compromise of sorts.

I don't consider this cheap at all. The one I described, I had a great time. Because it was their family and all of their closest friends, we had the BEST time! By far, this was the best reception I ever attended. If FH and I could, we would go to the JP and have an intimate reception (no more than 30 people)

I don't want to sound discouraging but I would not ask my guest to pay for their plate. If we couldn't afford the wedding then we wouldn't have one. We would do a small dinner with our parents and siblings. Sorry I wouldn't attend. I would just send a gift.

I think this sounds like an ok idea. I wouldn't word it as a reception invite, maybe, but possible more like: Bride and Groom will be celebrating with their families at this restaurant--and would love to see you there! I would ask them to RSVP for the space, but I would make it more like a notification, so they know there isn't a ton of pressure to attend and they will have to pay for themselves.

We invited people to come and meet us for ice cream the day before our wedding, but we made it an informal--word of mouth and on the website only---type of invite. We did see a lot of our friends there! It was pretty wonderful and everyone did have to pay for themselves. We did not make them RSVP and it did work out for us, but it was an ice cream shop....

Is there anyway you would be able to just pay for dinner for them? If you were planning on renting a hall and paying for a caterer, I wouldn't imagine that paying for their dinner would be much more? Unless you are doing so to cut costs. If so then I understand.

I just know that at this point in MY life, I would have a difficult time paying to even attend a destination wedding, OR pay for a meal at a really nice restaurant (whether it was for one of my best friends or not) much less do both.

I also think that even if I received an invitation asking me to join them for dinner at a restaurant, I don't know that I would assume that I would be paying for myself.

Just a few things to think about! Good luck!

I am also totally envious that you are having a destination wedding. I wanted one so bad, but FH was adamant about doing it in town so that both of his grandmothers could attend.

I agree with Robin A that you might not want to decsribe it as a reception but word it as she did. I understand that what you are trying to do is not have a "reception" hence the not wanting to pay for everyone who might attend. I envy you being able to have such a small intimate gathering.

@Forevermylove, the reception you attended sounds like it was perfect.

Why not find out if someone can just take your place for the chapel? Basically, someone takes your place and you get your money back? I wouldn't hold anything like that and expect people to pay especially if I have a ceremony, the dinner after a ceremony is a "thank you" so there for should be paid by you. If you are eloping I would cut my losses and just not do anything. OR have a get together after you are married as a family joining type deal but I would do a ceremony over again. But that's me.

Thanks everyone for the feedback. I think on our invites we will advise everyone that we will not have a formal reception, but instead an optional informal dinner. This way guests will know in advance that they would need to pay for their meal. And in keeping that in-mind, we will be sure to select a restaurant reasonable in pricing.

While I'm sure some guests may have something to say about it either way, if they're only showing up for a free plate of food I'd rather they not come anyway.

FYI: The actual ceremony will be in TX, not Jamaica.

I'm trying to decide if I would be offended that I was required to pay for dinner (I probably wouldn't bring a gift, my presence would be your present LOL) or if I'd just think it was weird. I honestly don't know.

I'd say skip inviting anyone you don't want to pay for.

I agree with We'llAlwaysHaveParis in that maybe you should only invite those you feel comfortable paying for. You mentioned that you are fine with people declining because you want it to be more intimate anyway, so why not just skip inviting all those you are hoping to decline?

I have to be honest, I would be kind of offended. I agree that you should just invite those you will be paying for.

I gotta say, you guys all make good sense, which is why I came to you first )

So how about we have a small "cake reception" following the ceremony and then do an "invite only" dinner for those we want to pay for? More reasonable, less offensive?

Can you do cake and lung right after the ceremony? And the have the intimate reception dinner? Almost like a reverse rehearsal dinner? Then your ceremony guests can still feel involved and you get the personal dinner.

I think this is fine

"So how about we have a small "cake reception" following the ceremony and then do an "invite only" dinner for those we want to pay for? More reasonable, less offensive?"

Stephanie- I think that sounds like a good idea!