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Dedicated January 2020

Wedding Rules

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Miosotys, on April 27, 2019 at 9:16 PM

Am I too broad-minded or anyone else feeling constrained with wedding rules?? Before I got a engaged, I had a vision of what my wedding would be like. Once I got engaged my vision changed after I learned from other brides on the Do's and Dont's of a wedding. Things such as what is tacky - cash bar & drink tickets, or rude - no kids & no plus ones, or cheap - donations instead of favors & play lists vs dj's. As I start using this site as a major resource, I have read comments along forums that make me think is the wedding to celebrate the couple or to please the guests?! There are so many guidelines, rules, and etiquette to follow. I couldn't care less (although at first I did) about how the guests would feel about X, Y, Z - in the end the couples day. Granted at one point I have asked/looked up about opinions on all aspects of weddings to get a perspective. Then I decided to ditch the whole wedding thing and "elope" with a small group in Colorado with a dinner at a restaurant afterward...Or as I was corrected, host a "wedding destination" and "reception". I have been to weddings that were very traditional and ones super laid back. 90% of the time I enjoyed laid back weddings even with a cash bar (GASP!) over the super traditional ones. I am a pretty easy to please guest - just feed me, play some music and its a good time! If any guest expects/demands anything more they should be offering to foot the bill. Just my rant, any bride feel the same??

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Expert October 2019
Jennifer · on April 30, 2019 at 12:11 PM
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100% agreed, and we're doing something similar, just an hour later. I think it will be fine.
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Master June 2020
Anna · on April 30, 2019 at 4:04 PM
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Yes I think so too. And as an added bonus, we don't have to worry about guests driving home drunk.
Unless tbey stick a keg in their trunk....hopefully not.
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VIP June 2019
Danielle K · on April 30, 2019 at 4:44 PM
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I completely agree with most of what you are saying.
The constraint of wedding expectations can be very overwhelming.
I do think some are confused on the difference between tradition (bouquet toss, cake cutting, etc.) and etiquette (providing seating, inviting so's by name, etc.)
I also think it is accurate to say that the reception is at least in part for your guests as a thank you for witnessing your wedding but also a celebration of your marriage so yes for you and your SO as well.
All that said I agree with PPs that etiquette is regional and cultural.
IE; open bars or any bars at a wedding are very irregular in my area. at most people will have a tub full of ice with cans of soda and beer in it.
most on wedding wire would consider that cheap and tacky, and although that is not what I am doing, I think people are putting their own cultural standards on others. By doing so people are being culturalist and/or classist.
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VIP June 2019
Formerbride · on April 30, 2019 at 5:07 PM
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Everyone can have the wedding they want. You don't have to ask for advice or follow the advice on the forums. I definitely have found things that I never knew while reading these discussions. For instance, I had never heard of bringing or giving a physical gift for the wedding. No one I knew had ever heard of such a thing either. I find it really interesting how things can vary regionally, culturally and religiously in regards to weddings. It is great to get another person's perspective on what is considerate and inconsiderate of guests because, guess what, we don't all think alike! Ultimately, you have to do what is best for you, FH and your crowd. I kind of laugh when people ask questions and then get bent out of shape when an answer they don't like is provided. I know if I can't give an answer I feel is helpful, I don't respond. Enjoy your wedding that is perfect for you!
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Super March 2019
Alejandra · on May 3, 2019 at 2:16 PM
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I totally agree and whats sad is the more you try and make your guests happier the more unhappy you actually become. Early on I decided that since we were paying for it then we would make all of the decisions ourselves, as soon as we began to share our ideas with my in laws they began pushing their ideas/suggestions for our wedding. Insisting that we ask for money to pay for the wedding and assuming we'd allow 300 guests, lol it was insane. My mom helped me come up with a lot of ideas and sometimes they were way out of reach so it would kind of burst my bubble for a bit. Once I said f it and started doing everything solo with my man we started checking things off quicker then we knew what to do. It was a million times easier making choices without everyone's opinion
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