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Dedicated January 2020

Wedding Rules

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Miosotys, on April 27, 2019 at 9:16 PM

Am I too broad-minded or anyone else feeling constrained with wedding rules?? Before I got a engaged, I had a vision of what my wedding would be like. Once I got engaged my vision changed after I learned from other brides on the Do's and Dont's of a wedding. Things such as what is tacky - cash bar & drink tickets, or rude - no kids & no plus ones, or cheap - donations instead of favors & play lists vs dj's. As I start using this site as a major resource, I have read comments along forums that make me think is the wedding to celebrate the couple or to please the guests?! There are so many guidelines, rules, and etiquette to follow. I couldn't care less (although at first I did) about how the guests would feel about X, Y, Z - in the end the couples day. Granted at one point I have asked/looked up about opinions on all aspects of weddings to get a perspective. Then I decided to ditch the whole wedding thing and "elope" with a small group in Colorado with a dinner at a restaurant afterward...Or as I was corrected, host a "wedding destination" and "reception". I have been to weddings that were very traditional and ones super laid back. 90% of the time I enjoyed laid back weddings even with a cash bar (GASP!) over the super traditional ones. I am a pretty easy to please guest - just feed me, play some music and its a good time! If any guest expects/demands anything more they should be offering to foot the bill. Just my rant, any bride feel the same??

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Devoted June 2020
Ashlee · on April 29, 2019 at 12:02 AM
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YW girl! And hey, neighbor! Are you in NoVa? I’m also a big online shopper. Have you checked out Asos? They have such cute dresses. Love that you want a red two piece. We’re planning for Hawaii but nothing is booked yet. 😆 What about you?
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Dedicated June 2019
Summer · on April 29, 2019 at 12:13 AM
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Thank you so much for posting this! You have posted what a lot of people feel and are afraid to say!
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Master April 2023
Victorian Bride · on April 29, 2019 at 12:22 AM
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I live in the South. In general, the South is very traditional and old school. I'm fine with it because I grew up that way and its just the way we do things. It's like walking back in time. Do I expect everyone and every wedding I attend to follow these traditions-no. I think everyone is entitled to their dream wedding-no matter what the dream. As others have said, listen to the advice that helps you and ignore the rest. I love these forums for the diversity. We are all unique.
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Expert June 2020
Pattie · on April 29, 2019 at 1:11 AM
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I’m considering doing a playlist instead of a DJ and just renting the system. I feel pressure with the bar and providing alcohol. It’s only 80 people but over 2k of other people drinking. It’s stupid that weddings cost as much as they do.
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Master October 2020
Mandi · on April 29, 2019 at 1:59 AM
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Ha. Yes. I've asked for opinions on Option A or Option B and been ripped a new one.
In the end it's OUR wedding, not the wedding of our guests. If they can't deal with the fact that I'm offbeat, they can sashay away with their rude opinions.
Seriously, my mother thinks I'm going to get an almost 100% RSVP response rate because people want to see what sort of show I've planned.
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Super August 2021
Wendy · on April 29, 2019 at 9:50 AM
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Hawaii!!!!! I wanted Hawaii but I couldn’t find any all inclusive resorts;(!!! And so it was too expensive.. we decided on Cancún at Finest Playa Mujeres!! And I think I’m happier with that choice!! I will have to check that store!! Thank you !!
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VIP April 2019
Nikita · on April 29, 2019 at 10:10 AM
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None of the etiquette rules apply to everyone. Every region, culture, kidding neighborhood is different. I've seen people swear by honeyfunds, e-vites, money dances, potlucks, dry/cash bars, you name it! In my crowd, some of these work, some of them don't. I feel like the advice here really goes for people who are on the fence and really want to go with a 'safer option.' And to really help people consider perspectives that extended family/friends might have. Unfortunately, some of us get a but too excited with our viewpoints... Ignore what you want to, take what you want.
I was told by my sister many times, "what, do you really think the reception is for you!? It's for your guests." Whereas my new in-laws (who I think the world of) continually said, "the reception is for you. Just also consider not ostracizing/going too outlandish for a few of the more conservative guests."
Anyways, it's all relative.
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Super August 2006
Cassandra7 · on April 29, 2019 at 1:33 PM
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In answer to your question way back, the ceremony is for the bride and groom; the reception is a thank-you for the guests who attended the ceremony. Therefore, the reception should attempt to please the guests and make them comfortable, within the limits of the budget (cut the guest list before cutting food-drink-chairs-climate control--the basics of guest comfort).
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Beginner November 2019
Corina · on April 29, 2019 at 1:58 PM
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I hear you! I had never had a wedding nor planned a wedding so I joined this group for directions to get started and I said something once about kids at my wedding and was shredded by wedding etiquette. But I am wearing a black wedding dress so that's my clear opinion of etiquette. I am just trying not to upset my future in-laws but doing my wedding my way. I however, made a compromise with my fiancé and didn't go totally gothic like I wanted and removed the skulls decor. lol
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Super September 2019
Alyssa · on April 29, 2019 at 2:07 PM
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Oh I agree with you! When I first got engaged and started to really utilize this website I was incredibly overwhelmed and felt like I was doing it all wrong. However, as time as gone on, I do agree with Emily! You have to just remember that 1. everyone is different and will do their wedding differently. Even if they are extremely vocal in what they are choosing to do, it doesn't mean it's how it has to be done. 2. At the end of the day, it IS your day. There is nothing wrong with looking on here for advice or opinions, or whatever you might need but if you are very much so wanting to do something, DO IT!
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Super September 2019
Alyssa · on April 29, 2019 at 2:08 PM
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Love this! (well the dress selection part. not the shredding for the kids comment!). I hope you stuck to what YOU wanted
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Beginner October 2021
Rhea · on April 29, 2019 at 2:09 PM
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I feel you! But honestly I just remember that it's my wedding and whatever makes me happy is right. So don't worry about what everyone wants it to be, if you're married to someone you love at the end of the night your wedding was perfect.
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Master August 2019
Allie · on April 29, 2019 at 2:11 PM
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I agree. I actually like getting opinions that oppose what I expected. I think it's good to be informed. For me though, I do think we can "make the wedding about us" and still please our guests. All of them are traveling and I want them to have a good time. I attended a wedding in KC, MO this weekend and was so so miserable. It was outdoors, windy, cold and they didn't plan for that with heaters or blankets. If I didn't care about my guests comfort, then I'd probably just elope in the first place.
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Expert June 2019
Mrs Sullivan · on April 29, 2019 at 2:19 PM
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I agree to an extent, and in the end it really should be about the couple. We said no kids under 12 and had to defend ourselves to one set of family members (they decided not to come) and I only gave plus ones to people in serious relationships
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Master April 2023
Victorian Bride · on April 29, 2019 at 2:27 PM
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Allie, I agree. Guests need to at least be comfortable. Our guests are traveling, too. Our wedding and reception is SO us!! I'm a total Southern Belle so those from out of the country and up North will get a taste of the South. I think they'll enjoy it. I'm so sorry you were miserable at a wedding last weekend.
Was the reception inside, at least?
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Master August 2019
Allie · on April 29, 2019 at 2:30 PM
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Us too. I'm hoping our guests from up North will enjoy experiencing something different. Unfortunately the reception was outdoors too. I brought a jacket but it just wasn't enough at all.
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Super October 2019
Kelly · on April 29, 2019 at 2:49 PM
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Thank you! These forums can be so tough - I cringe the way some people respond (I understand that not everyone agrees w/ everything, but some people are absolutely harsh). Most of the weddings that I’ve been to in the northeast are included, however I have also been to cash bar weddings & I have never minded - but there’s so many other things.
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Devoted June 2020
Ashlee · on April 29, 2019 at 4:19 PM
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Nice! Cancun is amazing, your wedding is going to be beautiful. Congrats on finding your venue! YW! 😀
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Dedicated September 2019
Val · on April 29, 2019 at 4:26 PM
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100% agree! I think do what makes you happy and what you’re comfortable with in the end! Glad to see someone else thinks the same lol
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Expert June 2019
Tara · on April 29, 2019 at 4:31 PM
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I am a people pleaser so while I like all the choices I am doing, I am trying to make it enjoyable to the guests as well! I will say that I am doing a lot for my fiance and to make him feel awesome. That is just my personality though (plus he has done the whole wedding before so I am trying to top that)!! He is always calling it my wedding and I am like it is ours. I really just am trying to make it a fun celebration!
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