Wedding postponed

If my FH did this to me, I would almost certainly break up with him. Even the one time would cause me great concern. I'm sorry this is happening to you.

I'm sorry you're going through this..but honestly if he's almost 30 and you have kids together and he's already taken it back once and is trying to again..it's probably not going to happen. I probably would have dropped him if it was me because I can't handle people going back and forth and not making up their minds. Especially about something so important..I suggest individual and couples counseling at the least.

To me, this sounds like a case of a man feeling pressured to take that next step. I'm not saying you pressured him into proposing to you nor am I excusing this attitude. He should have never proposed without making sure he was 100% sure he was ready for the commitment. For whatever reason, he doesn't want to get married, and you should figure out why and then decide if you will be happy being with a man who may never marry you.

I'm sorry, second proposal and 2 weeks out. There's no way I would continue with this relationship, but that's just me.

I'm so sorry this must be so stressful. If you are in fact postponing you need to call everyone asap. You should also talk to FH and find out exactly what is going on because I am seeing major red flags. Good luck!

Time for truth, at least from my perspective. You said you're about to close on a house together -- next week. You also wrote, " We really been doing great until when its time for the commitment he say's things like we need to build things first."

Two children are a life long commitment. Attaching both of your names to a 20 - 35 year mortgage is a long term commitment. Both of these commitments will be legally enforced. The one commitment that is left up to the two of you is a lasting marriage. Think about that. He's fine with those other, binding commitments, but the one he isn't so ready to engage in is a legal marriage to the mother of two of his children and the co-owner of his homestead.

Tell him that you aren't signing off on the house. Why? Because he has absolutely no right to pull the rug out from under you two weeks prior to your wedding. He has absolutely no right to dump in your lap, "Call the vendors/call the guests and cancel", while still saying, "You're cool with this massive financial commitment we're making, right?"

Men who want to be married (above all else) are willing to go the courthouse/elopement route. You planned and paid for a wedding -- a wedding that's supposed to happen two weeks from tomorrow. There is no way in this world that I would sign off on a mortgage with a man who told me that he needed "to build things first".

Red flags, honey...so many red flags. You don't belong in position of "I'm the mother of two of his children, he asked me to marry him -- twice, and he wants me to put my financial life on the line with this house, but he seems reluctant to marry me."

Bye...I hope he enjoys paying child support.

And as always, Centerpiece always knows EXACTLY what to say! Centerpiece brought up several amazing points, OP, and I hope you take note of them.

I'd like to add another suggestion.... if it were me-there's no way I'd be buying a house right now. If he can't commit to a marriage he can't commit to to a 20 + year mortgage. Just my opinion. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I agree that I wouldnt be signing for a house or marrying him. He clearly doesnt want to get married if he keeps backing out like this.

Sorry youre having to go through this op.

Just an update we had the talk I ended things

Second I said we are buying a house because technical we supposed to one

But he's buying a house my name nowhere near it. So im going get my own place

He always says we need to build things

But once we accomplish that goal he always adding things he's never going to ready maybe not with me anyways

Candace, I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this.

I really think you're making the right choice by not buying the house and ending things. Centerpiece said it all. I really hope the best for you! This story is heartbreaking but you deserve so much more out of life!! You will find it!

Well it sounds like you did the right thing (from what I can understand)... If he is not ready to commit to you, then you cannot be hanging around waiting.

Just an update

We had our talk

He steady we need to build something first

I ended things because we are going in circles

Second I said we are buying a house cause

We are supposed to be One

But actually he's buying the house

I decided I'm fine my own just end things

He always saying we need to build but once we accomplish that goal he adds others. Goals we're never going to get married I just need to move on I've tried to stay but why do I have to keep my goals aside including marriage and others things why can't we build them together

Sorry I'm so frustrated I don't think straight as I'm typing.

I would say, no wedding no closing. It's not fair to you. To commit to a 30year mortgage and not to commit to you seems suspicious. Call off the closing and see if he will do the wedding. Don't buy a house with a man who doesn't want to marry you. I'm sorry you're going through this

Sorry to see you are going through this. If your FH keeps postponing the wedding, then you need to get to the bottom of that reasoning. I'm confuse my self, he think you are good enough to close in on a house but not to say I do? I think it is selfish of him to keep delaying the union, and I feel like marrying you should be his priority before anything else.

I would walk away at this point. It doesn't sound like he wants to get married and this manipulative BS is for the birds.

So sorry to hear that! Sounds like you did the right thing, though. Best wishes to you going forward

Again, OP, I'm sorry things played out like this for you.

The fact that he said that he's never going to be ready, and that he said "maybe not with you anyways", speaks VOLUMES about his moral character, or lack thereof.

And he wasn't going to have your name, the name of his fiancee and the name of the mother of his two children, on the deed of the new house? Nonsense.

You deserve better; much, much better.

I hope he likes paying child support for two children on top of his mortgage...

You dodged a bullet OP. I can imagine how much pain you're probably in right now, but sending hugs your way!