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Ivy ORP
VIP October 2019

Wedding Party Vs. No Wedding Party

Ivy ORP, on August 16, 2019 at 10:42 AM

Posted in Planning 51

I have been reading these forums for a while and it seems like there is so much wedding party drama. I do not want to blame or finger point in any direction, things happen and we all have to own our actions. But as someone who decided to skip a wedding party in favor of only including our sons I...

I have been reading these forums for a while and it seems like there is so much wedding party drama. I do not want to blame or finger point in any direction, things happen and we all have to own our actions. But as someone who decided to skip a wedding party in favor of only including our sons I have to admit I feel truly relieved. On the other hand I had a MOH for my first wedding and she was amazing, but I didn't really ask her to do anything other than grab a dress from her closet and show up in Florida for a weekend.

So I guess the point of this post is tell me your thoughts based on your experiences. Are you thrilled with the people you chose to include or not include on your big day? Are you feeling stressed about the people you asked, if so why? Did you also choose not to have bridespeople/groomspeople and miss it? Would you have done something different? I'm truly interested in hearing from all sides here.

51 Comments

  • Jill
    Expert April 2020
    Jill ·
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    I have 6 bridesmaids and so far so good. The only "drama" that I have is my MOH being deployed potentially during my wedding. If that ends up being the case we will just FaceTime her in. I think it's important to not have your expectations being too high.

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  • L
    Lady ·
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    I had 5 girls and no drama. They were all invited to one bridal shower, a casual bach party in the city we all lived (dinner and going to bars), the rehearsal, and wedding. 2/5 came to the bridal shower, 2/5 came to the bach, and all attended the rehearsal and ceremony. Not everyone could make it to everything and that's totally ok.

    I did not ask them for opinions on wedding dresses, or wedding things or expect them to help with anything - it was my wedding, not theirs. I chose to honor THEM when I asked them to stand up in my wedding, I didn't choose them so they could work for me. I think the attitude that you as a bride have toward everyone is literally the only thing that would cause drama.

    Also, they didn't have to pay for anything. I purchased their dresses, lodging if needed on wedding weekend, hair/makeup, and they wore whatever shoes/jewelry they wanted. I believe these are things that you should take care of if you are requesting people's time, energy and focus. They should not have to go out of their way to scrimp and save for your event. IMO that's where most of the drama comes from.

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  • Ivy ORP
    VIP October 2019
    Ivy ORP ·
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    I'm so sorry it didn't work out. I can't imagine ending early because people wanted to bar hop. I hope the good outweighed the bad.

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  • Ivy ORP
    VIP October 2019
    Ivy ORP ·
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    That is so sweet! I would have too many to ask as well but am so happy we are doing it the way we are.

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  • Ivy ORP
    VIP October 2019
    Ivy ORP ·
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    I love that you had such a great time with people close to you. I love reading the good stories and agree it really matters who you ask.

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  • Ivy ORP
    VIP October 2019
    Ivy ORP ·
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    I hope it all works out, but thank goodness for modern tech!

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  • Cyndy
    Master May 2019
    Cyndy ·
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    As a second time bride I opted to have my daughter as my MOH and his Best friend as his BM and it was nice. Drama free.
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  • Ivy ORP
    VIP October 2019
    Ivy ORP ·
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    I do think some brides expect too much, but I have also seen some in a wedding party act immaturely and quite rudely. I think it all comes down to who you are and who you ask. And for some people to stop expecting life to be like a movie, on both sides of the ask.

    Since we are only having our two best men they are only asked to show up for the wedding and smile in pictures. They will each have a room in the house we're renting for the weekend. Since they're our sons we'll have them help with a bit of set-up, but I will do most of the decorating and just need them for a couple of tables and to help with the chairs. In my opinion I have the absolute best wedding party possible!

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  • Ivy ORP
    VIP October 2019
    Ivy ORP ·
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    I love this. Enjoy your day!

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  • Cher Horowitz
    Master December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
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    I'm having one MOH and two BMs. They're my closest friends that I've known for years. I just want them to stand with me on my wedding day so I can honor them. They've done so much for me and have stuck with me through thick and thin. I could care less if they showed up in pajamas because I can't imagine my wedding without them!

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  • Ivy ORP
    VIP October 2019
    Ivy ORP ·
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    That would make for some super cute pictures though!!! I love the feeling of feeling fully supported by the person standing next to me in that moment and I'm so glad to hear when others feel the same way.

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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    We had no wedding party. No regrets! No extra cost, stress or drama for anyone. I got ready with my mom & sister so I didn’t miss any of the “getting ready” fun or pics.
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  • Kelsey
    Dedicated September 2019
    Kelsey ·
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    I didn’t have a large party for my first wedding, and I won’t for this one either. The first time, I had my two sisters and he had his brother. This time, we’re both going to have just our best friends with us. It’s much easier to have a small or nonexistent party. Less worry about making everyone match/coordinate/get along.
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  • Jeanelle
    Super September 2018
    Jeanelle ·
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    We had one person for each side— his brother was his best man and my best friend was my best lady.
    They just needed to get ready with us and give their toast during the ceremony since we didn't have readings.
    We wouldn't have had it any other way. Zero drama and the absolute best ones to share our time with.
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  • Ivy ORP
    VIP October 2019
    Ivy ORP ·
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    I have my close friend, future daughter-in-law, and maybe my future sister-in-law. I love the idea of having women around me that I love without them stressing the dresses and everything else.

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  • Ivy ORP
    VIP October 2019
    Ivy ORP ·
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    We wanted our friends to simply enjoy the day. Our sons mean the world to us and it just felt right to have the two men that have been our constant all these years stand by our sides in that moment.

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  • Ivy ORP
    VIP October 2019
    Ivy ORP ·
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    We're debating on asking them to give speeches or toasts. Neither of them are excited to be around a lot of people but I have a feeling they might surprise us. Our sons have been by our sides through every happy and sad moment, we just couldn't imagine anyone else in that moment.

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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    Yes! You can still enjoy the fun, love & support without them stressing as much about their role.

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  • Reeshma
    Dedicated December 2019
    Reeshma ·
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    I am very happy with my bridal party. I’m having a maid of honor (my best friend of 20 years), junior Bridesmaid (my 11 year old niece), 2 flower girls and 2 page boys (nieces and nephews), my Groom is only having a best man. Neither of us have a lot of friends. We don’t care if our wedding party is “uneven” or doesn’t look nice in pictures. We chose the people closest to our hearts whom we know without a doubt will do everything they can to make sure our wedding is nothing short of spectacular. No room for drama at our wedding.
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  • User2574599655703
    Dedicated June 2021
    User2574599655703 ·
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    I honestly wish I did not have a wedding party. I only have one bridesmaid/MOH. It’s my sister and she has been a pain the ass since day one. From purposely selecting a see through dress, demanding to wear a flower crown like the 10-year old flower girls, telling me I am ruining her dream because I decided to walk down the aisle to one of the most popular wedding songs of all time to now not speaking to me because I didn’t let her ambush a quite shopping trip my mother and I planned without her (she was initially invited but declined to go because it was “stupid.”). My sister is 26 by the way. I told my mom today that I’ve decided to greatly reduce her role in the wedding because obviously this experience is triggering some internal demons for her. It’s just not my responsibility to be a spectator to her self-healing journey during my wedding.
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