Ivy ORP
VIP October 2019

Wedding Party Vs. No Wedding Party

Ivy ORP, on August 16, 2019 at 10:42 AM Posted in Planning 1 51
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I have been reading these forums for a while and it seems like there is so much wedding party drama. I do not want to blame or finger point in any direction, things happen and we all have to own our actions. But as someone who decided to skip a wedding party in favor of only including our sons I have to admit I feel truly relieved. On the other hand I had a MOH for my first wedding and she was amazing, but I didn't really ask her to do anything other than grab a dress from her closet and show up in Florida for a weekend.

So I guess the point of this post is tell me your thoughts based on your experiences. Are you thrilled with the people you chose to include or not include on your big day? Are you feeling stressed about the people you asked, if so why? Did you also choose not to have bridespeople/groomspeople and miss it? Would you have done something different? I'm truly interested in hearing from all sides here.

51 Comments

  • Kelly
    Champion October 2018
    Kelly Online ·
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    I had 10 bridesmaids and zero drama! But I also didn’t expect anything of my bridesmaids besides showing up at the wedding. I didn’t do a group text or try to ask for anyone’s opinion on things. I’m so glad I had them all standing up with me as they are truly my favorite people in the world from all stages of my life. Leading up to my wedding there was a lot of stressful things happening with family and they all had my back and kept me calm on the day of. It’s almost been a year since my wedding and my friendship with all of them is still the same.
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  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    I had five bridal party members and there were times I was a bit peeved aha for instance one didn't even get her dress til three days before the wedding AND it needed alterations. But at the end of the day I'm so happy and thankful for having them all in my life and being there for me that day. I knew from the start I chose people who weren't the most responsive nor organized but I also didn't want anyone else but them
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  • Ivy ORP
    VIP October 2019
    Ivy ORP ·
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    See, I do think if you choose people they have to be the right people. I would rather have no one if I can't feel comfortable with my choices. I also don't like asking out of obligation or to even things up. I'm really glad you felt supported.

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  • Keri
    Expert November 2019
    Keri ·
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    I have friends from different circles and have been a bridesmaid a couple times. We at first decided no bridal party, but then agreed on MOH/BM only. My best friend and his brother.

    I'm so glad we aren't having a large bridal party. I'm getting the whole experience still. My mom is throwing me a shower and MOH is throwing me a bachelo party. Friends can be there as guests. I didn't want 10 people around me the morning of my wedding. I'll have my mom, MOH, and my dear cousin who is a professional hair/make up artist. Any more than that would be too much for me.

    I love my friends dearly, but being in a wedding is expensive and stressful and we didn't want that for our friends.
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  • Ivy ORP
    VIP October 2019
    Ivy ORP ·
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    Then that is all that matters.

    I was asked to be a bridesmaid after another dropped out when she couldn't afford the dress. I didn't make it to the rehearsal because the groom gave me the wrong time. She also stressed the straps on the dress that were removable because I didn't need them but her MOH did. We since ended our friendship over something completely unrelated and sometimes I wonder if she regrets asking.

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  • Sara
    Super October 2019
    Sara ·
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    We have small wedding parties (3 on each side), and my only potential regret is not having more people standing with us. With our friend circles, it would have made the most sense to add two girls to my side and three guys to FH's, and I know mismatched numbers are totally fine but I really wanted even sides, so I'd be pulling either one person from a circle of friends or an old friend from high school who I don't talk to much anymore which is awkward either way, and we're going to have a kind of small wedding so I didn't want the audience at the ceremony to be even smaller. Being a BM or GM in our wedding is going to be pretty low key (show up in the right outfit, do extra things if they wish to), so we haven't had any issues yet - except for one guy kind of dragging his feet on getting fitted for a suit. In the end, I think we made the right choice for us

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  • Kelly
    Champion October 2018
    Kelly Online ·
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    Totally! I didn’t ask any family members because that would’ve been out of obligation vs want. Also another thing that helped was letting people be adults and not micromanaging. Some of my girls didn’t order their dresses till a month before but I didn’t stress about making sure dresses were ordered by a certain time, if they didn’t have it they would be a guest! Thankfully it turned out great and I got to continue to focus on my friendships with them instead of wedding things.
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  • T
    Dedicated September 2019
    Teresa ·
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    Having a Wedding Party is rooted in tradition but there's so many costs and stresses nowadays that I think a wedding party isn't really needed anymore. I have a small wedding party, they're family so they don't really have a way to cause a ton of drama because I see them so much haha! But if I had my friends, I think my story would be different because any time you're depending on friends who come and go it gets complicated. My FH will tell you all about that because his friends are doing him dirty and they're in the wedding party.

    So, no wedding party isn't needed at all other than to round out photos.

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  • Ivy ORP
    VIP October 2019
    Ivy ORP ·
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    We each have a son, both are adults now and will escort us down the aisle as well as stand by us as our best men. The only time I wished I had someone was when I realized I didn't have help getting ready. A quick call to a good friend took care of that and she's thrilled to get ready with me. We really wanted our friends to simply show up and enjoy. It sounds like you have a great support system too.

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  • Ivy ORP
    VIP October 2019
    Ivy ORP ·
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    I'm so glad you feel comfortable with your choices. We are only asking our boys to bring their outfits, most of which we're providing, and keep us calm on the big day. I would have asked too many people to stand by me if I actually had bridespeople.

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  • Samantha
    Rockstar October 2020
    Samantha ·
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    To be fair, I think reading stories on here gives you a distorted view of wedding parties because people tend to post when there's drama and not when everything is going smoothly. The site is littered with money squabbles and BM's dropping out, but people don't check in and say that there BM's are wonderful, supportive, caring people and they cause them zero stress because that's not much of an update. I have never personally experienced any drama as a BM, MOH, or now, bride. I love that I'll get to stand alongside my sisters and best friends and feel as though the wedding has brought us closer together.

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  • Ivy ORP
    VIP October 2019
    Ivy ORP ·
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    I'm sorry it's not going well for him. Family can be the best if you are that close with them. We have never doubted our choice for a moment. I couldn't imagine not having my son stand by me on our big day, she feels the same. It is perfect for us.

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  • Ivy ORP
    VIP October 2019
    Ivy ORP ·
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    I'm so glad it's working out for you. I do think the forums can get distorted, but I have been able to see happy brides raving about how awesome their MOH or bridesmaids are. I love reading that. Again, I am not trying to make anyone feel bad for being stressed about any part of their wedding, it was merely an observation and conversation starter.

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  • Mary
    Expert July 2019
    Mary ·
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    I had my two closest friends since college stand with me as bridesmaids. No drama at all! They took me to Disneyland for my bachelorette weekend, which is way more than I was expecting given their crazy work schedules. Everytime I commented about wedding planning they were supportive and offered ideas, though I kept this to a minimum to avoid burning them out. They were excited about the whole dress process and came to some of my fittings even though my bridal salon is a little out of the way. For their dresses, they decided the style and color (from our palette) and I didn't keep track of when they actually ordered. On the day of, they offered to help wherever they were needed (including the dreaded bathroom trip). I think the key is not expecting too much from your wedding party. They were chosen because they are your closest friends and that you want them to be standing next to you on your wedding day.
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  • M
    Expert January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    I had no bridal party and have no regrets. It simply was never a priority for me to have a one. I understand why others want them but have also seen people choosing their party for all the wrong reasons and then it goes horribly wrong. So, I think if you decide to have one choose very carefully, remember that simpler is better, and have zero expectations.

    Before I married I was in two weddings and had one good experience and one not so good experience.

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  • Ivy ORP
    VIP October 2019
    Ivy ORP ·
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    Bathroom trips too? Truly amazing friends! I'm glad you had a great experience.

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  • Ivy ORP
    VIP October 2019
    Ivy ORP ·
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    We haven't regretted our decision for a moment, our sons will walk us down the aisle and stand as our best men. It leaves me as the only girlie one so a close friend is coming to get ready with me and help me into my dress, but is not a bridesmaid so she can wear whatever she wants and has zero responsibility on the day. I agree that some do choose people for the wrong reasons, I think we each need to make the choice that is truly right for us.

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  • Danielle K
    VIP June 2019
    Danielle K ·
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    We chose to have a small wedding party. I am thrilled at how helpful and wonderfully supportive my sister and her boyfriend were as our Maid of honor and best man respectively, but I kind of sort of wish we had stopped there. We spent a lot of money on gifts, accessories, and flowers for our wedding party that really felt pointless. Getting all of our wedding party to get their outfits and get fitted was a pain. My younger sister was winy. My cousin (my matron of honor) just constantly felt guilty because she wasn't doing anything for me (which I didn't think she was supposed to so I wish I just hadn't put that imaginary pressure on her) and my other bridesmaid (who was a friend of my MOH) was great for everything pre wedding but she wanted to make my wedding day about her, her son, and her super annoying boyfriend. I literally ended wedding 1.5 hours before I wanted to because her and my younger sister were complaining that they wanted to go out to bars in their pretty bridesmaids dresses. Also DH's grooms men did exactly what is required (got their suits, showed up to rehearsal, and showed up to the wedding) but that was it. They didn't go to the bachelor party. They didn't go to lunch before the wedding. They didn't chat or want to hang out at all leading up to the wedding. it was really all just so disappointing for DH and therefor infuriating for me.

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  • Susan
    Devoted May 2020
    Susan ·
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    I am inviting my daughter, my exchange student daughters, and any of the children of our friends and family who have expressed interest in being 'flower children' as it seems far more important to them than it does to the adults. My FH doesn't have a lot of close friends to ask to be in the wedding party, and I just don't feel like stressing over it. In my first wedding, I didn't have friends to ask and I didn't even much care for the people I wound up asking. This go-round, I could ask 6 or 8 women to be in my bridal party, but due to my FH's lack of people to ask, I kind of think it would be awkward. I don't want to have to spend money on the bridesmaid proposal boxes, gifts, finding time to go dress shopping with people from 4 different states, fretting over who's sitting where, buying matching pajamas or robes for pictures... I'm just going to let it be. I feel totally at peace with it.

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  • B
    Super July 2018
    Brittany ·
    • Flag

    I had a big wedding party (1 MOH, 6 bridesmaids and 2 junior bridesmaids) and I'm SOOOO glad I did. I picked super close friends that have always been reliable (always celebrated my birthdays with me, always followed through with plans we made, etc), and my husband's sisters. There was absolutely no drama. They all got their dresses on time, attended the shower, bachelorette, rehearsal and stayed the night with me and got ready with me in the morning. Other than being at those events that they all enjoyed and were willing to attend, I didn't ask them to do/help with anything involving the actual wedding, I believe bridesmaids are just VIPs, not free wedding planners. I made so many awesome memories with my wedding party, especially the night before the wedding. We sang and danced to old 80s and 90s throwbacks and had wine and girl talk. It kept me totally calm. My wedding was a year ago and I'm still really close with everyone that was in our wedding, we actually have still have a snap chat group with both sides of the wedding party.

    So to anyone that gets nervous because of all the bridesmaid drama posts.... I just want to tell you it's not always that way. If you ask friends that you are truly close with (not old friends you barely talk to anymore) that have always been reliable and there for you then the bridal party could really be one of the best aspects of your wedding.

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