Wedding party problems

Its your wedding, you dictate who is in the wedding party. Its not your younger sisters wedding, she doesn't need to be part of the party. My brother will not be part of the wedding party. Stick to your guns, and if your mom is upset about it let her be.

Your wedding is two years away. If you want to avoid conflict now tell them you aren't deciding yet since it's too early. However you should only have people who are the closest and most supportive of you standing next to you on your wedding day.

View Quoted Comment Thanks I will try my best to stand my ground

View Quoted Comment Thats what i was thinking with the only wanting people who im closest to in the wedding party and I have to choose wedding party early cause some of my friends live far away with children but I could say I dont want to fill out missing slots until closer to the wedding incase I make a new close friend

View Quoted Comment I unofficially chose my bridesmaids, since I only have two friends. And I'm not having any family. Love my in-laws, but under no circumstances are they going to be in my wedding.


Also sides don't need to be even, so there shouldn't be "slots" to fill.

View Quoted Comment The wedding theme is pastel rainbow my outfit will be pink then there's orange yellow green blue and purple so in this case it is a slot to fill because we want to make the whole rainbow

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No matter what the reason (a color scheme??), having a certain number of slots to fill instead of only choosing those closest to you has a high likelihood of negative results. There are thousands of stories on this site about "bad bridesmaids" that were the result of choosing attendants for the wrong reasons (obligation, unrealistic expectations, or filling slots).

Throughout your long period of wedding planning, it will become very important to remember that aesthetics are never more important than relationships.

You have no obligation to place anybody in your wedding party that you don’t want there. Choose the people who are closest to you and who you know will be supportive.
That being said, it looks as though your wedding isn’t for another two years! It is way too early to be worrying about a wedding party. You shouldn’t ask anyone to stand with you more than a year out.

View Quoted Comment I never said I would choose just anyone in to be in my wedding party I would only choose people Im close to and trust I tend to say things literally so this is probably just a big misunderstanding my English isn't perfect either I mean it as the rainbow theme is very important to my boyfriend we are a gay couple and he has a very homophobic family and wasn't allowed to show his pride without harsh consequences none of his family will be at the wedding only just some of his friends so the rainbow is a big thing to him adding or taking away colors is not an option

View Quoted Comment I have people who live very far away with children so I want them prepared rather than given a short deadline

View Quoted Comment ALL OF THIS!! You are planning a wedding, not a musical. There are not “slots to fill” or a certain amount of costumes you must put people into. Your wedding party should not be thought of as props for a production. The only people standing with you on your wedding day should be those who are the absolute nearest and dearest to you.

View Quoted Comment A year is more than enough time, and would not be considered a “short deadline” by any means. Asking people too early or asking people simply to “fill a slot” so you can put on a wardrobe production is a horrible idea. I would suggest spending some time browsing these forums to see the hundreds of brides who wish they had not asked people so far out, or people who they were not that close to simply because they wanted sides to be even. It nearly always results in drama, fights, and stress for the couple. Save yourself a lot of hassle!

If it makes you feel better I have included all but one of my siblings because I can't stand the way she has treated myself and my son over the past year or so. One sister is a bridesmaid and my brother is a usher. I just told my other sister to show up. My mom asked what color she should wear and I said just don't match the wedding party or wear black (my dress color) 🤷‍♀️

View Quoted Comment A rainbow theme is fantastic! Put it in your flowers, your decor, your cake, the cake topper, Your own wardrobes…. Put it everywhere EXCEPT on your wedding party. Once again, they are not props, and they are not “colors” to fill. You can have every color of the rainbow represented everywhere in your wedding- you do not need every single color represented in your wedding party also.

View Quoted Comment This seems to be a big misunderstanding i tend to say things literally and my English isn't the best I will only choose people im close to love and trust to be in my wedding party i wont choose anyone just to fill the space the number of slots is because we are doing a rainbow theme the rainbow theme is really important to my boyfriend he hasn't been able to show his pride because his extremely homophobic family that had consequences for him showing pride the rainbow is a really big thing for him and means alot to him so taking away or adding colors is not an option

View Quoted Comment For people with kids or money issues it is a short deadline especially to be in a wedding party if I was just inviting them I would wait but because they are in the wedding party I want them to be more prepared so its not hard on them

View Quoted Comment Thank you that makes me feel better about not wanting her in my wedding party

View Quoted Comment Why are you arguing with me about this it is me and my boyfriends Choice im not using anyone as props or just to fill a color i have made that clear I am only going to choose people im close to and trust I could get your concern at first before I explained fully but are continuing to argue with me about how many people are in my wedding party can we agree to disagree

View Quoted Comment My comments were posted before you explained yourself. It is your wedding, you can fill as many spots as you would like. I wish you the best of luck.

View Quoted Comment I wish you the best of luck as well