Wedding Guests

You are under no obligation to invite family. You are under no obligation to invite people you don't want there.

HOWEVER, I do not suggest you stream people in because you don't want them there... as that makes them still there, and still guests. Also, if your venue looks like it can accommodate more than 60 people, viewers will feel snubbed.

You need to have a good long talk with your FS about who you want there.

It's a hard list to make. But you have to do it together, and you need to agree.

View Quoted Comment I absolutely agree with this. You and your fiance need to have a conversation about this. Make up a sheet with 60 spots and you and him should go through and fill it out together. And don't invite people you don't want there. And remember if you are telling him that you don't want someone at the wedding he wants then you have to listen to him with who he doesn't want as well. It's a give and take.

What is your relationship to the people who you don't want there? If they're all in the same "group" (for example, cousins) then you can just invite no cousins at all and cut your list that way. I'm sort of on the fence about the livestream thing since people may get offended if they find out you only gave them the link because you didn't want to have them in person.

I agree that the livestream option is not a good compromise or consolation prize for this (apparently) long list of people that one or both of you doesn't want at the wedding. Livestreams made a ton of sense when wedding guest lists had to drastically reduced because of COVID. They still make sense if a treasured guest can't attend due to illness or distance. But you aren't actually solving any of your problems by having a B list livestream event.

You two will need to work together to come up with a guest list you can both agree on, invite those people, the end. Set your boundaries (including deciding not to invite people you are not comfortable celebrating with), present a united front, and deal with any potential "fallout" together.

Instead of a livestream, consider having a friend or two agree to record it and screen it later during a virtual reception. That's what we came up with after realizing the wifi isn't great at our venue & livestreaming would be a challenge. We're going to ask two friends who will be attending in person to separately record the ceremony and email their videos to us immediately. Because we've scheduled our reception to end around 7pm, we're hosting a virtual reception from 9-10pm for all the other family and friend circles. We're looking at Airmeet or Kumospace to make it easier for the virtual guests to connect and catch up with each other.

We'll still be in our attire while we show the recording of the ceremony and chat with our extended family and friends. We invited our parents, wedding party and out-of-town guests to join the virtual party from their hotel rooms following the on-site reception if they'd like. Our invites for the virtual reception will simply ask people to celebrate with us virtually with their beverage of choice. Considering that multiple friends have asked repeatedly whether we've already eloped, run to the courthouse or Pastor's office, or said they expect us to host a surprise wedding, & that we have family and friends who live abroad, we might as well use all of that to our advantage. Maybe this idea could work for you too. Good luck!

You shouldn't invite anyone to your wedding that you don't feel comfortable having there. The fact that you share blood with someone has nothing to do with your relationship with them or whether or not they should be invited to your wedding.

If you have a long list of guests you want to invite, but your fiance doesn't feel comfortable with, that would be a concern for me because it suggests that you and your fiance are not on the same page about important people in your life, which could cause friction in the future. I could see a fiance not feeling comfortable with your ex you are still friends with there, or a friend who you've been friends with forever but the friendship is pretty one sided and they really don't treat you well, but multiple people who you and your fiance disagree about makes me wonder if there are larger trust or loyalty issues. You don't have to have the same best friends, but you should respect and support one another's relationships. 60 people is not a lot of guests - its really just 15 people for each of you, and then those people's SOs - so you really shouldn't have a number individuals in your top tier list that your fiance doesn't feel comfortable having at your wedding.

Nothing should ever be done out of obligation at your wedding. If the only thing you are truly obligated to do is be a good host and follow manners. The other stuff people say you are obligated to do needs to be cut entirely.


As the hosts, YOU decide the guest list. YOU decide all the details. Make a list of those people who you cannot imagine the day without...your ride or die friends/family. Make a second list of people you don’t care about but parents or someone else will bully you into inviting. The second list doesn’t get an invite to any of it, streaming or the actual event.
For the ones you want and fiancé doesn’t and vice versa, that’s something you have to work out between you. Do they have criminal history or do they set off warning bells based on bad/sketchy behavior? Marriage is about compromise and wedding planning is your first hands on practice.

View Quoted Comment Well I don’t want my grandma there because she tends to be rude and judge mental. The people I do want are my sister and her family but they’re in another country and my ex’s family but my fiancé isn’t comfortable with my ex’s family coming to our wedding so we were going live stream it