Wedding Etiquette & “rules”?

View Quoted Comment Oh okay good - glad you have the same perspective. Yeah I’ve always just thought to myself that the hosts of the wedding always pay for all food and drinks and the rehearsal dinner. Oh and transportation. And cocktail hour if there is one. Haha.

View Quoted Comment I dont think someone commenting "youre being rude for having a gap. I would hate to come to your wedding" is sound advice. I'm open to advice. Never said I didnt want advice. What I'm saying and what you're probably misinterpreting is that it's ok to see another bride doing something differently than you. Especially if you're really against it. It's not the end of your world or anyone else's. What isnt ok is bashing a bride on here instead of giving advice or just letting it be. Alot of people here have a hard time of just letting it be.

Agree! Agree! Agree! My ceremony is at 2:30 and reception is at 6. The ceremony venue only allowed weddings up until 2:30 (and ending at 3:30) and absolutely no later. And we didn’t wanna start the reception at 5 because we only have the venue for 4 hours and ending the reception at 9 would kinda stink. So I completely understand. I think as long as you throw out some suggestions like “hey this bar is awesome and it’s a 5 min drive from the reception” then you’re good. I do think it’s a bit rude to have a big gap and not even offer suggestions to the guests of what they can do in the meantime - but even so most people have smart phones and can figure something out. 😂

but yeah I almost had a panic attack the other day reading stuff about how horrible the “gaps” are and my fiancé listed off several weddings we’ve been to that had huge gaps and he was like “were those an issue?” And I was like “no we went to here for this one and there for that one” and he was like “exactly.”

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Right! That is what I meant. I just prefer to give physical gifts for weddings, so I'm always bummed when the couple doesn't even have a small registry.

Yes, I'm using it for RSVPs! I actually just forgot to close it before save the dates went out, so people used it as they booked their hotel rooms. We are going to send paper RSVPs out too to our older guests and more traditional guests. But everyone else will use online.

View Quoted Comment Haha okay I completely misunderstood you so I apologize for that!

But have you liked the online thing? Do you feel like it’s more organized and simple or do you wish it was all paper? Just trying to get some ideas to see what I wanna do.

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I would keep track on Google Sheets anyway, so being on paper isn't really an option for me! I like it, I can check it all in one place just like the Marriott portal for our hotel block.

View Quoted Comment Oh that’s a really good idea! I’m gonna do that too. Probably just more organized that way.

View Quoted Comment Youre right, especially on giving suggestions on where to go in the meantime. I have been to plenty of weddings with an 1.5 hour or more long gap. Never did it effect my wedding experience or hear it was an issue with another guest until I heard it was rude base on what people say here. If a guest truly has a problem with the gap, then dont go to the wedding. Nobody wants negative vibes at the wedding anyway. I hope your wedding works out, gaps and all lol.

View Quoted Comment Absolutely agree with you! Never knew it was even a thought of an issue. But I hope yours does too!! 😊

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This is so amusing to me because I was always taught that it was rude to give a physical gift for a wedding (should be cash) and you register for physical gifts just for the shower. I always give more if I'm giving cash then I would pay for in a gift. (I asked my FH and he said the same thing) I wonder if it is regional or just something random?

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I'm not sure! I doubt it, that's just how I am but I wasn't taught to be that way. My father always gives cash at weddings even if they have a registry. Maybe if I feel older or more like a parent age to the people getting married? But if someone is 30 and I'm 25, I'd rather just give them a gift.

View Quoted Comment Gotcha. I totally understand. And I think my mom is kinda like you. She’s so good at giving gifts and I know she loves it. Maybe we will do just a small registry so the people who want to give a gift aren’t getting stressed about what to get and then the people who are gonna give cash anyways are gonna do it no matter what. I was always kind of under the impression that it’s all or nothing and I was like “shoot! I don’t need another crockpot! 😂😂” (we literally had 4 at one point 😂😂)

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That makes total sense, I completely understand! We are inviting 225 people to our wedding, our Amazon registry has 80 items. They are all things we actually need, and it will satisfy traditional physical gift givers but then everyone else can just give cash which is more common anyway I think

A wedding is a tradition that goes back.....and back......and back. So, over the years, decades, centuries, there have been certain customs and traditional rites that have gone with them. Also, various cultures have their own "customs" or "rules". Having said that, I've always felt that when planning your wedding, you should consider these "rules" as guidelines for good etiquette, but do what works for you and your future spouse, and ditch what doesn't work. It's not like there's a force of "wedding police" out there that's going to charge you with "crimes against weddings" kind of stuff. LOL

For mine, I'm trying to recreate the traditional stuff that I grew up witnessing, and ditching the stuff that doesn't make sense to me. Like many before me have said, it's your day, do it how you want it. There is no right or wrong, in my opinion.

I think it’s nice that you’re suggesting options to the guests - some things you just can’t control and they will have to just live with the fact that that is one minor “flaw” in the plan. It’s your day and maybe they’ll complain beforehand but all in all the people who love you and support you will be happy to do it for you. I agree with a lot of what’s said on here as far as STDs must get invites, only invite people to engagement party and shower if they are invited to the wedding, etc etc. One thing I personally disagree with (and I know this is an unpopular opinion on here and that’s ok if you disagree with me) - but I don’t think you need to be paying for an open bar. You are already paying for the wedding itself and people understand it’s expensive - plus you’re paying for their meal and depending on how expensive it is - you may find that you wouldn’t even go out and spend that much on yourself for a meal out at a restaurant, let alone some of your invites (we are paying $52 a person and realistically I wouldn’t even buy myself a meal for that much!). That being said a lot of people argue that you should condense your guest list before you ask them to pay - but in big and close families that’s not always possible, plus this is only their drinks! It’s not like you’re asking them to pay for their meals too. Anyway - my point is I don’t think it’s totally necessary (although if you can afford it it is nice). Personally I have some questionable guests that I would be worried about them containing themselves with an open bar anyway, and I for one do not want to deal with anyone puking or getting way too drunk at our wedding - especially when it’s mostly family. Weddings are call for celebration but a lot of times people take it too far when they are offered unlimited free drinks and second to the fact that it’s ridiculously expensive, some may use it way too much while others might not use it at all (even though you likely would have paid the package per person). That’s just my opinion, I know some may disagree and that’s okay too! 😊

View Quoted Comment I love your take on that! We are paying for an open bar but it’s only beer & wine. And our caterer is awesome. It’s $45 a person but that includes food and the beer/wine/soda bar. If there is an option to have liquor, I might allow that, but it would cost them. And I love that. I went to a wedding where beer/wine was covered but if you wanted liquor you had to pay for that and I really like that because I definitely have guests that make me nervous around an open bar. But we are asking the bartenders to switch to plastic at a certain point (so there’s no broken glass) and to please cut people off if necessary. And if anyone buys liquor - shots/rocks/neats will not be allowed.

View Quoted Comment I love your take on that! And yes I so agree. We are doing everything we can to be as polite and accommodating to our guests as possible but there are just some things that are out of our control or would make everything way too expensive. Plus it’s just not us as a couple and most of our friends and family are very like minded.

View Quoted Comment Oh wait - that’s perfect! Hahaha yeah I always thought that if you’re gonna have a registry you need to have so much that everyone can find something and I’m like omg I don’t even have room for that much stuff! Hahaha.

View Quoted Comment Sounds like a great caterer! Ours does not include any alcohol (if it did that would be great!) - we are at kind of an expensive venue and it would be around $4,000 to do any sort of open bar. For those who might argue that if we can afford a venue like that we should pay for the bar - we are very fortunate and my dad is paying for the venue and catering among many other things. If he wasn’t so generous I think we would have had to wait until the following year or possibly the year after to get married, since we bought our first house a few months ago and are still recovering from the down payment - not to mention other financial commitments, like student loans, other bills, groceries, whatever. Best of luck at your wedding - it will be a beautiful day and no one’s opinions about what’s proper etiquette and what isn’t are even really going to matter in the end, so don’t stress too much about it! 😊

View Quoted Comment I completely understand that. We looked at some places that were the same way and I couldn’t imagine $10,000 or more just for food & drink. Personally I’d still like to pay for the bar - but I don’t think I’d be upset if I went to a wedding that was cash bar. The only suggestion I would make is to give people a heads up just so that they make sure to have cash on them (unless the bar has a credit card thing). But thank you! You as well! Good luck with all the other finances too - I understand completely!