Wedding Dilemma

Honestly this is something only you can answer, BUT I felt the exact same way!


So we decided to "elope" 2 weeks before the big wedding, because then the wedding was just a party which helped me feel less stressed. We had the perfect afternoon with just the two of us, our two witnesses, and a photographer. We read our vows, exchanged rings, signed the papers, and then had a lovely dinner before going home and talking about our love and future. It was honestly so perfect!
2 weeks later we had the big wedding. Was it still stressful and not really what I wanted, yeah. But as soon as we decided on the elopement the "wedding" was just a big party to plan where everyone celebrated us. Mentally, it helped me so so much.

15k is a lot to throw away :0 Is there any way you can maybe hire a wedding planner to maybe relieve some of the stress and go ahead with what you initially planned? If not, then I’d say just go with what makes you feel best health wise. No amount of money is worth your health declining whether that be physical or emotional. Best of luck!

I've been there! I'm in September and it has become a much larger wedding than I ever wanted, we have four other weddings that we're either in or have to travel for adding to financial burden, plus family drama on both sides have added to all the stress of normal planning that I've wanted to throw in the towel. Talking to my FH about it has helped, he's taken on some of the planning so that it's less on my shoulders. We also have taken a week or two here or there where we don't talk about or do anything for the wedding, it gives us a chance to step away from it and decompress and rejuvinate. We also have planned date nights, where again, no wedding talk, just other things. We talk about the honeymoon trip which is exciting for us. We've had a lot of great support from friends and family (one of the groomsmen's wife volunteered to help my venue with any setup day of since she'd have to be there most of the day anyway with him). We're about 20K in already and while sometimes I would love to just cancel and elope, I can't fathom throwing that away.

Are there people you can designate responsibilities to? Are there things your fiance can take on instead of you? Can you take a week or two away from it to recharge?

July bride here. Your invites shouldn’t have gone out yet. Would you consider cutting down the guest list to make it less stressful with a smaller crowd?
That’s a lot of $$ to lose.

Is there any chance the panic is being brought on because it's becoming more "real" as the date gets closer? Sometimes at previous jobs or when I was in school when I'd be coming up on a big deadline, I'd catch myself thinking about how much a different job/ course of study would be less stressful. Escapism can be a tool your brain uses to deal with the anxiety (like fight or flight). With weddings, a lot of the planning happens so far in advance that it's hard to actually conceptualize it, and then when it becomes more "real" it can be a lot to handle all of a sudden.

It sounds like the big wedding was the kind of thing you had envisioned, and it would be a shame to throw it all away (both the money and time spent planning) if it really is what you want. Maybe talking with a friend, your fiancé, or even a therapist would help you relieve some of the stress about this. Are there still things that need to be handled that you could delegate to someone? Maybe a wedding planner/ coordinator could help you get to the finish line.

This is something only you can really decide for yourself, but I wish you the best with whatever you pick! ❤

I say it's already close to the date that will stress you even more knowing that you should gone through with it. I know that it can start begin pretty overwhelming and you have made all of those payments and then if you cancel now you have more than what you just paid. Because in most of those contracts that you both signed you are still responsible for those ontop of what you spent. Just say to yourself it's almost over. These next few month is going to fly by so I have heared. Take I walk or soak in the tub and try and relax. Good luck

That’s really only something you can answer. But I totally get it. This is the most stressful thing I’ve ever done! I only booked my venue last September. Since then I’ve added a new business, planning a move a week before my wedding in October, the stress of supporting my fiancé through his stress of changing jobs twice (for good reason), the possibility of a very large purchase on top of the wedding and we might get a kitten in a few weeks! And of course family drama. 😅 I totally feel like I’m going to explode and my wedding became bigger than I planned as well in some ways. I’ve wanted to stop and elope too (I kind of wanted to at the beginning tbh).


All that to say, I get you. BUT, maybe take a breather and a step back for a moment. It might help with the stress. Sometimes reorganizing the way you’re approaching something can help too. It does for me

If it is causing you this much stress, I would forfeit the money and plan the wedding/elopement you really want. Your mental well-being is not worth any amount of money.

Do NOT throw in the white towel now. It’s getting closer and that in itself is stressful because you want it to be perfect. Once you realize that it won’t be perfect and it’s ok because you are marrying the love of your life… it gets easier. Mine is in 10 days and I have been overly emotional about everything lol
Just don’t put too much pressure on the situation and remember that it’s about you and your other half and have fun.

Ok, you sound SO much like me the last few months. I was stressed, depressed, having panick attacks. I honestly thought about eloping SO many times, but deep down I knew I wanted this wedding. Now my wedding is in two days, all of the planning is done, and I'm feeling an immense sense of relief and am finally excited again for my wedding. Deep down, do you know you want this wedding? Is it just the planning stress that is bringing you down? If it's only the planning, delegate some of it to your partner, or bridal party, family members, anyone willing to help. Hire a planner, if you haven't already. We hired our planner as more of a month of/day of coordinator, but she was a LIFESAVER for me throughout the planning process, because she was always willing to answer any questions or give advice. If it isn't only the planning, and you just want to elope, and are ok with being out the money then do it. Only you can know what's really right for you. I also found that sharing my feelings with my FH helped, because he was willing to step in and make more decisions, to spare me the stress. I'm here for you, if you ever want to talk!