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K
Dedicated May 2022

Wedding crashers?

Kate, on September 25, 2021 at 5:47 PM Posted in Planning 0 32
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How do you guys feel about wedding crashers and how it should be handled?


For a little backstory: my wedding has been postponed since august of 2020, we planned and paid for said wedding in the fall of 2019, it’s a destination wedding so things had to be done pretty early especially per the contract. Our guests had all rsvpd by Jan of 2020 (also asked to per contract) so all spots were filled. One of our groomsmen who is also the brother of my fiancé has had an on again/off again relationship with a girl he started dating after our wedding was planned/paid for and decided he was going to bring her to the destination wedding. At one point they even tried to make her a bridesmaid and had her look at her own bridesmaid dresses (totally don’t get that one..) he decided to have her got to the wedding without asking us and then after being told there was no room. He’s always been a bit of a jerk towards me/ his brother (why is he in the wedding in that case you wonder? I wonder myself) but after his more recent breakup with said girl she decided to go out of her way to try and sabotage the relationship between some mutual friends while also constantly going out of her way to behave really inappropriately towards me and my fiancé (sounds rather high school but she’s 22 and we are in our late 20s/early 30s) given her behavior we said if they got back together(which they did) she definitely couldn’t come now even if a spot opened up. I was told by her that they planned on having her still attended despite us saying she couldn’t go. I get him wanting her to be there and have a date, but given her behavior and his we really don’t want her there to cause drama and also because there isn’t room, and we really want this day to be about us and have people that we WANT there. Also, it’s not a family paid wedding or any contributions so family doesn’t have a say since I know that can be an issue for some people.
Thoughts on how to handle it? My current thought on the only way to handle it would be to have her and/or him escorted out if they push boundaries on the day.

32 Comments

Latest activity by Janica, on December 13, 2021 at 8:43 PM
  • Yasmine
    Master October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    I would simply let him know that she's not welcomed and if she shows up then she'll be escorted out 🤷🏾‍♀️. Hopefully it doesn't even get to that point though and he'll respect your decision!
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  • K
    Dedicated May 2022
    Kate ·
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    I hope it doesn’t either, he’s been told a few times which is when I found out through her that they planned on having her crash anyway. We’d get in trouble with the venue for one and I’d also be pissed. I feel like if someone goes to someone else’s wedding but wants the day to be special for *not* the bride and groom they shouldn’t go.
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  • Yasmine
    Master October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    I agree and it's rude. I understand him wanting to take her on "vacation" but to have her come to your wedding uninvited is just disrespectful.
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Crashing is rude and disrespectful. Definitely hire security which is required by many venues anyway and let them know you may have outsiders come in uninvited
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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    I'm a bit confused. Are you not wanting to invite the SO of your family member? That's asking for trouble.

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  • K
    Dedicated May 2022
    Kate ·
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    She wasn’t the SO when we sent the invitations out and by then, the wedding was full, and then they’ve broken up on and off, and she’s been really horrible to me/my fiancé so now, no we do not want her at our wedding, if I could I’d prefer this particular person not be part of the wedding either but suits have already been bought.
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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    What if they end up getting married and she joins the family? There are going to be so so many awkward family dinners. Your wedding isn't until next May. If they are still together she needs an invite.

    It is really rude not to include the SO of a guest, just so you're aware.

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  • K
    Dedicated May 2022
    Kate ·
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    I know it’s rude, but she wasn’t invited when we sent invites out 2 years ago, and has gone out of her way to try and sabotage my friendships with people, I don’t really want someone with bad intentions towards my life and my fiancé’s at my wedding.
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  • K
    Dedicated May 2022
    Kate ·
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    By not invited when we sent it out I mean they hadn't even met yet.
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Agree with this. With a postponement, you make accommodations for whatever relationships are current at the time of the second round of invites. In your case, invites will be mailed at the end of February/first of March. The previous invitations that were sent for a 2020 date are invalid at this point and all significant others must be invited as a package deal and it’s not your place to judge the validity of their relationship.. The only way to not invite this particular person is not invite her partner as well.
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  • K
    Dedicated May 2022
    Kate ·
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    I mean the problem with that is the same amount of people and the same people are going and we bought a package for a set amount of people, so technically no, we aren’t sending out “new” invitations, just new dates.
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  • Michelle
    Master April 2021
    Michelle ·
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    I would tell him AGAIN that she’s not invited & if he insists, then they would be escorted out. Remind him again that all spots are taken but most importantly, her behavior & her presence are not wanted on your day. Remind him that this day is about your marriage not his relationship with her.
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  • K
    Dedicated May 2022
    Kate ·
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    And I didn’t say I was judging their relationship, I am however judging how she treats me and my fiancé.
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  • K
    Dedicated May 2022
    Kate ·
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    And our new dates are going out in Dec not Jan/feb. we don’t follow what the specific “guidelines” or when others think our invites should go out, we do it early so people can prepare because it is a destination wedding and some people need to save or get passports ready.
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  • Cece
    Rockstar October 2023
    Cece ·
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    Agreed. And hire security to enforce it!
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  • J
    January 1895
    Jessa ·
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    You will need to find out if its even legal at your destination to force someone out of an event. What if they won't go quietly, are you going to actually touch her to get her to leave? Wouldn't that cause even more disruption. Hiring private security would probably cost more than paying for one more guest. If its not private security, who would feel comfortable putting hands on someone else?

    Your in a hard spot, I get what you are saying. But this could potentially be your sister in law that you are having escorted out of your wedding. That will ruin the relationship between brothers. I would think long and hard about this decision. If other family members have to take "sides", you might be surprised to find you are the one on the outside because many people will not understand your actions.

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  • Elri
    Dedicated September 2021
    Elri ·
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    Take the higher road and leave the spot open for whomever he brings wether it’s her or not. Keep your fingers crossed they are broken up again by then. Try not to let her antics get in the way of your special day and it the meantime try to come to an understanding of sorts. Force yourself to be nice in case she does decide to pull some stuff and you can politely suggest she spend the rest of the Wedding at the spa or something. I’d personally rather get control of the situation beforehand hand with this person which means saving face and being cordial until your Wedding Day, but remember it’s for the sake of the greater picture. I would try to Keep the drama down beforehand rather than clean up messes.
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  • K
    Dedicated May 2022
    Kate ·
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    Unfortunately the relationship is already ruined a tad between brothers because of how the brother and the girl treat us, logically if they’re so horrible having him attend as just a guest rather than a groom makes the most sense but my fiancé can’t do that now since the suit has already been bought. I don’t really care how the family sees me if it comes to that because I believe boundaries are important especially when people behave toxically towards someone, no one should put up with toxic people in their life.
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    If someone is that toxic, don’t invite them period. Even if they are blood related the same rules apply
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  • K
    Dedicated May 2022
    Kate ·
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    Agreed. My fiancé didn’t want to invite his mother because she’s a really toxic person due to her alcoholism.
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