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K
Dedicated May 2022

Wedding crashers?

Kate, on September 25, 2021 at 5:47 PM

Posted in Planning 32

How do you guys feel about wedding crashers and how it should be handled? For a little backstory: my wedding has been postponed since august of 2020, we planned and paid for said wedding in the fall of 2019, it’s a destination wedding so things had to be done pretty early especially per the...
How do you guys feel about wedding crashers and how it should be handled?


For a little backstory: my wedding has been postponed since august of 2020, we planned and paid for said wedding in the fall of 2019, it’s a destination wedding so things had to be done pretty early especially per the contract. Our guests had all rsvpd by Jan of 2020 (also asked to per contract) so all spots were filled. One of our groomsmen who is also the brother of my fiancé has had an on again/off again relationship with a girl he started dating after our wedding was planned/paid for and decided he was going to bring her to the destination wedding. At one point they even tried to make her a bridesmaid and had her look at her own bridesmaid dresses (totally don’t get that one..) he decided to have her got to the wedding without asking us and then after being told there was no room. He’s always been a bit of a jerk towards me/ his brother (why is he in the wedding in that case you wonder? I wonder myself) but after his more recent breakup with said girl she decided to go out of her way to try and sabotage the relationship between some mutual friends while also constantly going out of her way to behave really inappropriately towards me and my fiancé (sounds rather high school but she’s 22 and we are in our late 20s/early 30s) given her behavior we said if they got back together(which they did) she definitely couldn’t come now even if a spot opened up. I was told by her that they planned on having her still attended despite us saying she couldn’t go. I get him wanting her to be there and have a date, but given her behavior and his we really don’t want her there to cause drama and also because there isn’t room, and we really want this day to be about us and have people that we WANT there. Also, it’s not a family paid wedding or any contributions so family doesn’t have a say since I know that can be an issue for some people.
Thoughts on how to handle it? My current thought on the only way to handle it would be to have her and/or him escorted out if they push boundaries on the day.
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32 Comments

  • A
    Savvy August 2022
    A S ·
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    I agree with people that it most circumstances couples are a package deal but I feel that if that person has gone out of their way to make trouble then that’s a valid reason for not inviting them. Your feelings are completely valid.
    I think you need to speak to your OH and see what they want. If he would rather not be confrontational and just make the space and get on with it, then you should do that as you wouldn’t want to force him to potentially damage their relationship (although it sounds damaged already). But if he doesn’t want her there, no matter what, then I say go for it and stand your ground. Tell them in advance and hire security!
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  • K
    Dedicated May 2022
    Kate ·
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    Yeah, they’re the only people who weren’t invited as a couple, because when first invited and RSVP’d they weren’t a couple, he was single, with our wedding being postponed almost 2 years I guess people think/feel it gives them room to either drop out (understandably with the delay and Covid) or bring someone new, and unfortunately we bought a wedding package so we can only have a certain number of guests since we wanted it small but yeah she’s been a lot of trouble for us (and so has he), we’ve welcomed them into our home just to get treated poorly and I really don’t want my wedding that I’ve waited so long for to end with trouble too.
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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    As long as you're OK with severing the relationship with his brother. I can't imagine he will take this well. It's a very obvious snub to his SO.

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  • K
    Dedicated May 2022
    Kate ·
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    Never said he wasn’t okay with it. He doesn’t want her there either and as I already pointed out, they already have a damaged relationship because of how his brother treats literally everyone around him, their dad especially. His SO goes out of her way to snub me, if you reread what I wrote, I pointed out how she’s incredibly toxic and has gone out of her way to be rude and hurtful to me and my fiancé. This isn’t some sort of snub at her, it’s avoiding more toxic behavior on my day, a day that was planned almost a year before she was in the picture.
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  • Elri
    Dedicated September 2021
    Elri ·
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    You have a lot of good advice here. I agree with Jack’s, to disinvite the brother would be risking severing their relationship. Let your Fiancé decide what he wants to do. It’s your day yes, but it’s his to. If he wants his brother there on your Wedding Day, then allow it and find ways to accept it. This is a tiny detail that does not deserve to much time and space in your head. You both deserve to enjoy the planning and your day despite personality differences or prior rude behavior. Rude people exist and they are sometimes in your own family. I come from a place of keeping the peace rather than causing upset. This is his brother and there is a lifetime ahead. I would avoid using an invite ( or disinvite) to your Wedding as a springboard to cause family arguments. I do not think that allowing your fiancé’s brother and GF to go to the Wedding is allowing toxic people in your life. It’s an invitation to your Wedding, not an invitation to your house every weekend for dinner.
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  • K
    Dedicated May 2022
    Kate ·
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    I have no issue with the brother going, as long as he behaves, he’s made a stink about everything involving our wedding, the girlfriend is who I have an issue with because she is toxic to us and my friends, which is why I don’t want her there, she’s gone out of her way to ruin absolutely everything for us including trying to sabotage relationships we have with people.
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  • K
    Dedicated May 2022
    Kate ·
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    But I do disagree that inviting toxic people to said events as a wedding is trouble and does allow them in your life, a wedding is a huge moment and you should want to share it with people YOU want there and who genuinely care about you, we weren’t going to invite his mother (his idea) because she’s a toxic alcoholic, but she solved that issue by not being able to afford to go.
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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    Ok well sure. You will eliminate them from your lives.

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  • K
    Dedicated May 2022
    Kate ·
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    Glad you think you know everything:
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  • J
    Dedicated July 2024
    Janica ·
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    Hello there I am going to ask my Wedding planner can one of her staff be at the door and asked all the guest to show there invite card.So if you don’t have and invite card you can’t get in our wedding
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  • Elizabeth
    Beginner October 2022
    Elizabeth ·
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    Hello Kate,

    Yes I wonder why invite him at all but completely understand! I wouldn't have my sister if I wouldn't be completely disowned after my wedding! She nearly ruined my first wedding two separate times! Good luck on him being there. Smiley star Now for the part about the chick; I would explain if the brother wants her there in the location/hotel then fine! But boldly and sternly explain that the wedding guest designated rooms/chairs/and plates are all spoken for so there is no room at all for her and she WILL be turned away if not on the "LIST". There doesn't actually have to be a "list" but maybe that will express the importance of a limit! The best of luck to you and your FH!

    LOVE LOVE!! Smiley heart Smiley heart

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  • J
    Dedicated July 2024
    Janica ·
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    Hello I understand how you feel cos I have my brother said he will get our brother if he see him I told my brother if he started at our wedding I will have someone but him out .. So if she started just have someone to put her out..
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