Wedding announcements are bad etiquette?

What do you mean by an announcement? Like a note in the mail? or in the newspaper?

Honestly I agree with your grandma, if you got married and didn't invite me but sent me a announcement I would be like ummmmm ok? what does she want me to do with this.

I am definitely interested to see the responses to this. I meant to ask this very question for the same reason. I feel like if I get married and don't send announcements, like I'm almost hiding it or something. But I don't want to come across as gift-seeking (obviously, I wouldn't send an announcement that says "hey, by the way, this is where I'm registered...")

My decision will hinge on what the WW ladies think...

For clarification, similar to a save the date...but saying that we were wed on whatever day and maybe a picture or two.

Not rude at all to send announcements but a personal note or phone call would be more personal and wouldn't seem like an attempt to grab a gift.

ETA: I wouldn't include pics unless the pics show that you absolutely positively had a casual, informal completely teeny tiny wedding with only immediate family and/or close friends and nobody else.

The whole premise of the idea seems patronizing and may confuse people, what you want them to do with it. I agree with your grandma.

Or add a handwritten note with your printed card but make sure it's clear that you "eloped" so they won't be offended that they didn't get an invite. You have lots of time...buy a Miss Manners book on weddings. She covers it in depth and you can even show Grandma that no, wedding announcements are not rude.

I agree with your grandma on this one. If I were to receive such an announcement, I would be very confused. I would wonder if you were pulling for gifts, but that is probably a later on type reaction. My first reaction would be much more along the lines of "look how happy we were at this awesome event we didn't invite you to" and it would seem like a bit of a slap in the face. People are going to find out you got married as soon as they talk to anyone else in the family or see your facebook page or see you at a family function, etc. No need to notify them in writing if there is nothing for them to really "do" with this news. Just my opinion.

I don't see it being that different than birth announcements, and I've gotten one of those before (wasn't invited to the shower). I honestly didn't think "I guess I should get them a baby gift" so I wouldn't feel obligated to get a wedding gift for someone if I got a wedding announcement in the mail. I wouldn't have a problem with it! Could you maybe put an announcement in your local newspaper?

No, wedding announcements are not tacky. They have been done for a very long time and were traditionally done for small weddings and elopements where most family and friends were not invited in order to let everyone know the couple is married. They look similar to invitations but they simply announce that the marriage has occurred. They are typically mailed right after the wedding or the day after.

The only issue is they may confuse people - especially younger people who may not have seen them before because they aren't as common anymore. As you can tell from the responses you are getting - many people don't even know what they are. And no, they are not a request for a gift. There is no obligation to send a gift when you receive an announcement.

I mean, we are pretty much eloping. We are having immediate family, 2 aunts, and 2 sets of grandparents ...as opposed to 75-100 guests at a traditional wedding

Thanks for the feedback though ladies...I never really thought of someone having to "do" anything with it. I guess I just figured they'd slap it on the fridge with those weird family Xmas cards my cousin sends with pics of her dogs. Lol

Lol I get what you mean, but even with family I wouldn't put a wedding announcement on my fridge. I just think it's weird. It's your wedding you should do what you want. If you want to send them out you should, we don't know the people you do so the reaction they have might be different.

Tacky wouldn't be the word I'd use, but add me to the list of the people who would be like, "um, she didn't invite me, what do I do with this?" And yes, I would think the bride is fishing for gifts.

Ive been wondering the same thing about announcements. My cousin was married and I found out like a year later. I wish someone would have told me something, but im not sure of the best way to do it. She actually did not have a small wedding. It was very large and it was on a boat. I found out via facebook. lots of pictures

My FH and I were recipients of such a "notice" from one of his friends and it created a lot of issues. It was like, everyone would have been just fine with knowing they were getting married and having a small ceremony and were not invited, but they did not tell anyone of the engagement and then suddenly they were married. They sent out cards that looked like save the dates around Christmas. It created a firestorm on Facebook with the wife's family (they married in secret because her family was part of some weird religious thing I guess) but all our other friends felt really snubbed and left out. Everyone started calling each other asking if they "missed a formal invite" in the mail or if we should have sent a gift. We all honestly thought we missed an invite because we were that close to this couple. It was weird, and then they posted like 100 pictures on Facebook which again was met with a flood of "OMG YOU GOT MARRIED?! WHY WAS i NOT INVITED?!?!"

OP - it is perfectly fine to send announcements since you're having such a small wedding. It is not poor etiquette or anything. The negative responses you're getting here are because people aren't familiar with them.

Emily S is right. Announcements are very traditional and used to be sent after the wedding with an 'at home' card. Announcements NEVER garner a gift so if anyone's confused, it's simply because they're unfamiliar.

Here's an idea. .. you mentioned someone sending out Christmas cards in your family. Could you maybe do a Christmas card kind of announcing the marriage at Christmas time? Hat way no one can confuse it with a gift grab... just a "Merry Christmas from the newlyweds! "

I am very familiar with them. When people know of the engagement/marriage beforehand and know the couple is having a small wedding and that is why they are not invited that is one thing. When no one knows of the wedding and suddenly there is a "notice" it looks like gift fishing and it can backfire if the person receiving it is close to you (like family/friends). Not everyone will take a marriage notice the same way and it might lead to awkward phone calls or snide comments just keep that in mind.

I get marriage notices from clients from time to time (usually around Christmas and the notice is often of one of their kids, I have also gotten them for graduations and stuff like that) - but I am not personal friends or "close" in that sense with my clients. When you send a notice to close family members or friends and keep the wedding a "secret" you can just about guarantee it will make someone upset that they did not at least know about the wedding. It is like if people do not know you had a small wedding on purpose, they feel like it is a personal slight. Not everyone will react the same way to finding out about your wedding this way. In the end it is your wedding and however you want to notify people is up to you.

We're eloping and will be sending wedding announcements. I frankly don't care if it seems rude. We are sending it to family who are elopers themselves and fully support us doing so, and we are not including any registry information. We will likely be throwing a party to celebrate with family though so it may be a STD type thing for a wedding celebration to follow.