Want to have a wedding but can't afford it

Wow - first time I've ever been glad a thread came back. holy shit.

Right? I completely missed Mandy's response.

I hope she comes back.

Well this thread came back hot!

Best thing about this is Ms. Ashley the OP never even returned to see the responses.

@Mandy B please tell me you are kidding. OP do not listen to a word she said. Do not self cater your wedding, send invites a year in advance, do not have a potluck or tell your guests its BYOB, don't ask your family to pay for your wedding as a gift or at all, damn Mandy B you are going all out tacky and breaking all sorts of etiquette rules. Why don't you just tell your guests to bring their own chair to the ceremony? It's the only rude thing you haven't thought of yet.

Oy, if you can't afford getting married, then don't. Or, want to get married on the super cheap side? Elope. Problem solved. Never expect people to pitch in. That's terrible.

Go home Mandy, you're drunk

@mandy please come back

Hahahahaha..... "twats." hahahahaha

Oh Mandy. You so funnay.

That's why my engagement will be 17mo long.

eta: @mandy, my horse is amazin, thank you.

Mandy forgot the stag/doe party guys! Or having subway cater.

Two words: CAR WASH

That will help you raise a lot of money.

I do a lot of Destination Weddings my favorite was last year in Las Vegas. It was an Elvis Wedding at the Graceland Chapel! $500

My groom got laid off, so I moved my wedding to where we live now, cut guest list and made it cake and drink in beautiful chapel that was not all inclusive and cost less. Even at a courthouse you can still have a beautiful wedding in a dress with 10 foot train if you want. Doesn't have to be expensive to be beautiful see if you can find a civic site that allows you to bring stuff in, keep guest list small. I attended a wedding that was a last minute thing in my wedding chapel, ceremony only, invite was Facebook day before. Chapel was full, had a amazing time. Just do what you and yours are comfortable with. Saves $ &aggravation from trying to please everyone.

Oh this thread was amazing!

OP, Mandy has such useful advice. Remember, don't be discouraged. Mandy was bummed out three Octobers in a row, but then, by the next October, she'd figured out how to do her big wedding (remember, her wedding isn't "hifalutin" just because she wants it to look that way). What a blessing those three years of sorrow turned out to be. They really got her brain in gear. Now, let's see what her wedding will look like.

Well, Mandy says, "Let's be honest. Invitations aren't worth $100." Why? Because they'll just end up in the trash. Now, the same thing happens to lots of paper products sent through the mail, so maybe you ladies are overthinking which shade of green really works on your hifalutin' invitations. You're just wasting money. Think of all of the wasted money spent on things like...oh, I don't know ...sympathy cards. I mean, really. Is the bereaved going to hold onto the sympathy card forever? No, of course not; and since that is now the new standard by which we judge what we send through the mail, let's just admit that sympathy cards -- like wedding invitations -- will end up in the trash. What a waste of $5 plus postage. The answer is simple -- just email your condolences. It's the smart choice.

So, now that we've read our email invitation, let's go to the wedding! If she had chosen the venue she thinks you should choose, it would have been in a public park. If it had been, you would have had to search the park for the VIPs. Many of them would be hiding behind trees (they'd be keeping their distances since they'd been hit up to supply "financial gifts" to pay for Mandy's wedding). Finding the honor attendants would be easy -- they'll be the people with a chip on their shoulders. Why? Because Mandy made sure to let them know that she intended to "MAKE" them pay for their attire (despite the fact that she never had to come off that strong. It's genuinely accepted that attendants pay for their own dresses). Her friends will also be in short supply. When they realized they had been labeled "resources", they found something else to do that day. Some of the remaining guests might be balancing crock pots while looking for a place to set them down. As it turns out, that cheap pasta, chicken, and beef medallion menu turned out to be one hell of a self-catering project (since nobody would help her) -- and it turned out to cost a tad more than $500 -- so she only made one tray of pasta and chicken and 11 beef medallions. She's supplementing the menu with her other idea -- crock pot donations from the guests. But, as it stands, Mandy sprung for a conventional wedding venue.

The meager menu will at least look lovely on Mandy's tablecloths. She vanquished those greedy linen companies who dare to charge customers 3X the cost of the table linens (because washing, drying, pressing, and delivery should be free. Companies have no right trying to make money off of unsuspecting customers).

Remember the plastic flatware Mandy suggested? Well, those tiny plastic tines on the forks are going to be a bitch to remove from the chicken and beef that caused them to break off; so watch for guests trying to discreetly pick that debris out of their meat.

There are a few things Mandy didn't skimp on. She needs a professional photographer to memorialize the wedding being held in a venue she can't really afford (because if you can't afford the venue AND the catering, you can't afford the venue). Everything will be fine though. After all, this wedding that she's waited four years to have will just be a faded memory to her guests in years to come (her smaller, restaurant wedding -- the one she could have had a few years ago -- would also be a faded memory, but for some reason, she just had to reach for that hifalutin' affair).

And remember, take her post in the helpful tone in which it was posted. She isn't jealous or pissed off at other brides (the ones who also worked and saved for several years to have their hifalutin' weddings); she's just tired of not being handed things -- because, you know, that's the way it's suppose to work when it comes to necessities like fancy weddings.

Am I the only one who's never heard the term "highfalutin" before????

Mandy, no just no.

Twat of the year award goes to.......

Mandy.

I love you Centerpiece!

Now, to offer you good advice, here's what you can do, OP.

The number one money vacuum when it comes to weddings is the guest list. If you invite 100 guests, those guests are probably going to expect something more significant than cake and punch (and if you invite 25 or less, those guests will likely expect the same thing unless they've been given a heads up that your wedding reception is pretty much a bare bones affair and will feature nothing more than a slice of cake and a soft drink (and even if that's as much as you can offer, you haven't offended etiquette because you are offering refreshments and the opportunity to socialize. Just remember, if you're going that route, please advise your guests so there are no surprises). I realize that there are religious denominations that open their ceremonies to the entire congregation (sometimes as large as hundreds of people), and even in those cases, some type of reception is a requirement. A two hour or less cake and punch reception on the church premises is the way in which many devout couples handle an "open" wedding (and the couple may elect to host a smaller, fully hosted reception for family members and close friends later in the day). Remember, when this is customary in a particular church, the congregation expects to be hosted this way, and in their universe, this is the way weddings are done when your connection to the couple is "church family".

Outside of those types of weddings, you are still free to invite 100 people to a ceremony and cake and punch reception without offending the rules of etiquette (although the rules dictate that you have that type of a reception between meal times), but reality is what it is. There will be people who traveled to attend a cake and punch reception, and if they weren't advised as to the type of reception that followed the ceremony, they may look at those 100 guests surrounding them and wonder why the couple didn't cut the guest list drastically so that their guests could enjoy a meal. That's why it is imperative that you add "Cake and Punch Reception to Follow" on your wedding invitation if this is your wedding plan.

I happen to be a fan of the small, fully hosted wedding. I have been to a few small weddings held in private rooms in restaurants. At one wedding, the couple was married in a church, and the guest list -- all 20 of us -- then went to a restaurant with the couple after the wedding. The table was beautifully set with linens, flowers, and lit candles, we had three delicious, multi-course entree options, complimentary cocktails of our choice, and we spent 2.5 wonderful hours socializing with the couple and their guests and snapping photos. At that small reception, the couple had a first dance. It was lovely. The other small wedding I attended hosted both the ceremony and the reception. After the ceremony hosted on the back patio of the restaurant, 15 of us retired to a private room and were beautifully hosted with dinner entrees and cocktails. At both weddings, a wedding cake was served.

At one wedding (the church wedding), the bride wore a traditional white gown (no train and no veil, but she was obviously a bride). She carried a beautiful bouquet. She wore her gown throughout the restaurant reception. They hired a professional photographer, but the photographer shot all afternoon, and the couple was never pulled away from their guests to do photos. After the ceremony, the photographer simply set up a few shots of the couple, the couple and their respective families, and then some group shots. I don't think it took more than 20 minutes, and we were all served cocktails during that time.

At the other wedding (the restaurant ceremony), it was an older, third time bride marrying an older second time groom. She looked gorgeous in purple, and she preferred a corsage to a bouquet. Still, it was clear, by the formality of her lace dress, that she was the bride. They didn't even hire a photographer. They left it up to their guests to capture photos -- which they did.

I can promise you that a small, restaurant reception is no less a gorgeous wedding than something held at a banquet hall with 30 tables of guests, a loud DJ, a photo booth, tons of speeches, and a bouquet toss. Sometimes I wonder why a couple, two people who seem to want nothing more than to be married, would consider putting off their marriage for years because they can't believe a small, beautiful, restaurant wedding will ever match the glory of a huge, expensive wedding. Having been to both kinds of weddings, I can promise you, one is just as sacred and beautiful as the other.

We're not talking about a courthouse wedding in street clothes and then going back to work (I've been to those as well, and honestly, they are different -- but the couples who wanted them would have never felt comfortable with even the small, restaurant wedding). You can have your wedding for a tenth of what the average American bride spends. You can look like a bride (David's $99 sale, Craigslist, pre-owned, or a non-wedding gown in white) without having to part with five figures, and at the end of the day, you will cherish the memory of your wedding day and have beautiful photos of the event.

Think about it, but please, ignore Mandy's ridiculous suggestions. Yes, we know that kind of "use everyone" logic litters countless blogs, but just because it's being advertised, don't believe it's something you should buy into. Maintain your dignity and decorum when planning your wedding. Bigger is not always better. Sometimes smaller is immense in terms of hosting and beauty.

ETA: Jenn B - your DH hit the the jackpot -- brains and beauty...