Want to cancel August wedding and elope

Do it.

A wedding should be fun, not "horrible". If your FH is onboard, go for it. A wedding is the ceremony, the rest is just gravy.

Just make sure this is really what you want and not a knee jerk reaction.

I say do what will make you happier in the long run. If you aren't wanting the whole wedding fiasco (I understand it and I have a lot of support monetary wise and help wise) then go just the two of you and a friend each and get hitched. :o)

I think you do what works for you. I hear this over and over from my elopement couples; that it just got so out of hand and the wedding took on a life of it's own. Six hundred bucks is a decent chunk of change, but it's nothing compared to the overall budget and it's nothing for peace of mind.

What is your minimum requirement for your venue? Does it have a number of guests that you need to guarantee?

I would just drastically cut your guest list to immediate family and 5 of your closest friends.

Cut the aunts and uncles, cousins, co-workers, your parents' dog walker, etc... and just have a small 20 - 40 person celebration.

~ good luck

The wedding should be something the 2 of you want, and it should be fun.

Is there any way to scale back the guest list? we had to cut around 75 people in order to make ours doable.... plus we set the date for a long engagement so we'd have more time to save.

But if eloping is what will make the 2 of you happy, go for it!

the big question is: looking back in 10 years, will you regret not having a larger ceremony?

edited because apparently i can't spell today..... lol

I initially said I didn't want to do this, and then periodically have tried to start sincere discussions about canceling since the beginning. I don't know if this is how everyone feels, but every step is horrible. There are always horrible, expensive, logistically impossible new things to consider at each turn. And drama! And ridiculous and rude opinions, mostly from people who are contributing little to nothing aside from the drama. I don't think I can take 8 more months of this.

I agree, really sit down, think about it, talk to your groom, and if that's what's best and what you want, GO FOR IT!!! Certainly don't put yourself out there for unsupportive or destructive people.

Are you cutting it down to just family and absolutely, positively closest friends in the whole wide world?

Also, I hope you'll stick around and update your avatar (the rings) to a unique pictures we can remember when we help you in the future! Here's how to do that and more: https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/welcome-to-the-weddingwire-forums-please-read-if-you-are-new/b433c40c1a62b96a.html

@Amy: I think people are not being supportive because they want the wedding to be more like what they want: they want a religious ceremony, they want the reception to be where and what they want it to be ... the kicker is, this wedding is not at all what I want either, but it is less abhorrent than doing things that are against my beliefs/desperately out of my price range.

Honestly you should do what is best for you and your FH. If this is causing more pain than joy, it may not be for you! And you wouldnt be out that much money in the long run. Or consider having those few people who are supportive with you and do something small and intimate. Good luck!

Go with your heat and your beliefs. It's really all about the marriage, not the wedding. Good luck to you.

If this is not what you want then dont do it. Do what both you and your groom together feels confortable with, whatever you decide should make you both happy. Your wedding day is not about everyone else, they will get over it!

I waited 10 years till I felt it was the right time and could have cared less about anyone elses opinions on the issue. When they asked I replied "When you get an invite in the mail."

Wish you luck!

Thanks everyone. I'm not so worried about the cost. We actually found very good deals on everything, but it has taken/is taking a lot of work. I think I'm just at the point where we have too many people coming for my comfort and I question how many of them will be gracious guests.

And since we've sent the save the dates already, I feel stuck. I don't think there is a way to cut the wedding size down and I honestly was never much interested in planning this in the first place. My first instinct was to elope and since the planning started, I feel I was wrong to ignore that. I don't think the groom wants to cancel, so I feel trapped planning and funding a wedding I'm not at all happy with. it's pretty terrible.

What does your future husband want?

DO IT! its YOUR day and it should be what YOU want. cut your loses and do whats going to make you happy. a wedding shouldnt be stressful, it should be the best time of your life! Were eloping and i couldnt be happier!

It sounds like you need to have a heart to heart with FH. You don't "think" he wants to cancel isn't good enough - you need to know for sure and together make some kind of compromise. Good luck ((hugs))

Don't feel trapped. Don't feel terrified. Have a calm discussion with your fiance and I bet that he'll be relieved too.

You could actually blend everything; have a small, sweet, intimate wedding with your family and a couple of friends, and then have a very casual (read; cheaper, less orchestrated) get together on the day of your original wedding, if you even want to do that.

Whatever you do, I'd call the people you sent STD's to (that acronym always cracks me up.....) and let them know that you are changing your plans. You can blame it on me; tell them that your spiritual advisor said this would be detrimental to your karma, so you have to do a different route or the universe will end in July.

For crying out loud, it's eight months away. They can probably find something else to do.

Plan a desination wedding, where half of them can't afford to attend..lol

I would have a long talk with your FH and go from there. If it is stressing you out now, there's a good chance that you will increase those stress levels the closer you get. It really just comes down to what you want!! Unhappy and stressed out is no where in the "Perfect Wedding Day" plans so do what is best for the 2 of you and forget about all the unsupportive people. They weren't going to bring a gift anyway!

I agree - talk to your FH. Even if he'd prefer a large wedding, I doubt he wants a stressed out, unhappy bride. If he cares about you (which I assume he does!) he will talk this through and figure out the best plan with you and support the decision.

I love my friend's story. Their wedding planning started getting out of control and making them unhappy. They called a "wedding planning meeting" at their house with both families and a few good friends. When everyone was there, the groom's friend got everyone gathered in the living room to listen to his guitar playing. The officiant walked in, then the groom in a tux, and the bride came down the stairs in her gown. They got married right then and there and couldn't be happier!

I've never known one eloping couple who has regretted that decision. (Besides, even if you do, you can do a vow renewal down the road and throw a big party then!)

Your original post sounds desperate. I feel for you. It's so easy for weddings to get out of hand--both in terms of numbers and financially. It can become all-consuming and make you forget about the marriage itself, which, at the end of the day is all that matters.

And remember that "eloping" doesn't have to mean that the two of you run off in secret (like in the old days). You could certainly do something small that's not that drastic if that suits you.

Bottom line is that another 8 months of crazy and stress is hardly going to be worth it. And $600 is nothing compared to your mental health.

Good luck--it's a tough call.