Walking down the aisle... Non-traditionally

I don't think it has to be a "giving away" type of thing, a nice peck on the cheek and a hand shake for the groom and down he goes. As long as you don't have the "who gives this bride" nonsense it's not a giving away it's the sweetest walk you'll ever take with your father <3

Your parents have looked forward to your wedding day since you were a little girl with a bit of anticipation and a bit of dread.

This was my second wedding and I had told my parents I was going to walk down the aisle alone. My mom was hurt, I don't think my dad cared. He had already done it once, but I guess my mom is just too sentimental and for all of us this was the wedding that counts.

ANYWAY, the closer we got to the wedding date I just pictured all those eyes on me, possibly tripping down the aisle, and I decided I wanted someone to hang onto for dear life if I needed to. I didn't look at it as my dad giving me away (they don't even ask that question in a Catholic wedding), but he was my escort. He and my mom had supported me throughout my divorce and I put them through the ringer. He was showing his support again by taking me to my new husband and my new life.

If you do decide to walk yourself, your parents WILL eventually get over it.

My vote is to cave though.

It seems like you're really passionate about your opinion, but I also think this is a huge moment for your dad. Could you meet in the middle and have him walk you down the aisle but no discussion of giving the bride? I know it's not ideal in your mind, but could you think of the walk differently? It doesn't have to be your father having an ownership of you, but rather your parents raised you to this point and now they're letting go. Would it make it better in your mind if both parents walked you all the way down the aisle?

ETA: Paris said it more eloquently than I did. I agree with her sentiment!

(cont)

EVERYONE knows he's not *really* GIVING you away. The implication isn't even there anymore. Hello 2014.

Its your wedding. Im not being giving away. Im walking down by myself my daughter will meet me half way then I will approach my fh. He has been more than a father to her so we will have a ceremony for the three of us than just me and my fh.

I dont believe in just tradition do what will make you happy. I would suggest doing a lot of small things leading up to the wedding showing your love and appreciation for your parentsbthat is more than expected. Insist how happy you will be having it your way and that you want them there to take you to the top of the aisle. I think their feelings are hurt some because they want that experience so give them more. A special toast, special mention in the program, a letter with their gift, and the father/daughter dance. You are not wrong at all, just show sensitivity to their feelings but passion for your dream wedding. It will be fine.

The whole giving you away thing goes back to a time when women were considered possessions or items to be bought and sold (dowries anyone?) in our spiritual path, the woman gives herself away on her own accord. i like your alternative. its a happy compromise. if they dont like it tough. its your wedding!

What is more important -- your parents being happy about something that takes all of 1-2 minutes of your wedding day or you not being seen as an object to be given away?

I'm an only child, but in your shoes, my parents happiness was far more important and I had my father reply with "She gives herself of her own free will, with the blessing of her mother and I."

I also couldn't imagine not being walked down the aisle by my father, so keep that in mind. Still, weigh what's really most important to you and go from there.

I LOVE what Just Reenski said. Seriously. Don't take this away from Pops, or you may one day regret it...and YOU know that you are giving yourself with your own free will...that should be enough. LOVE the terminology that her father used, too. =)

I think it is a fair compromise. My father passed away so I'm having my Uncle (my Father's brother) walk me and my brother and a couple other people aren't really on bored with it but it's my wedding and I made my choice and I'm ok with it.

It's really just about if you want to do what you want regardless of if some people don't agree or if you are more concerned about pleasing your parents. Both ways are fine just depends on what you want.

You can just skip the whole who gives this woman away speech, we are. My dad is walking me down the aisle, flipping my veil over my head, giving me a bear hug and sitting down.

I don't really think the issue is whether or not your dad has more daughters. Each child is special to a parent so regardless of how many kids they have they still want to be a part of your special day. If it's going to upset your dad, I don't really see the issue with walking with him. It's 2014, no one is going to assume just because your dad is walking with you, he decided who you should marry. The thing is I don't think an alternative is fair if it really does upset your parents. You have to think of the future as well when you're getting married and if you really do think this is something worth hurting your closest family over because it could have later consequences. It's your day, but it is also your family.

Who supports this woman in this marriage?

Who blesses this marriage?

Who supports this marriage?

Who has kept and protected this woman for this marriage?

Who celebrates this marriage?

Who approves of this marriage?

There are a million other things that he could be asked.

And I am with Reenski do not take that walk away from your dad. You could have him stop a few feet from your FH, give you a kiss on the cheek a hug whatever would come naturally to the two of you.............

I gave my dad something else to do as part of the wedding. We're different religions, and mine was feminist from its founding, so we don't do this "giving away" business.

If you feel passionate about this you go through with it. Its not about other people's points of view on the matter ((yes, I know she asked)). I think its a perfectly fine compromise but its about how you feel.

I chose to ask my brother in law ((sister's man)) instead of my brothers which upset my mom but oh well. They are gms. Everyone will get over it.

Your alternative is fine.

Personally I think that sticking to your beliefs is more important. I do not like that aspect of weddings, either, so I won't be doing it. On a day where you're making promises that you're meant to keep for the rest of your life, you should remain true to yourself and what you believe in.

My mom is walking me down. No "giving away" to be done. Like Paris said, you'll probably want someone to cling to for dear life. It would calm your nerves and make your parents immensely happy...I don't see why not to do it.

If you want a nonsexist alternative, how about doing it the traditional Jewish way--both of your parents escort you, and both of the groom's parents escort him. That way, there is no "giving away" involved, just an acknowledgement of the people who helped you to get to this point.

Just wanted to chime in. I know what we are doing is not a popular option, but it is absolutely perfect for us. We are walking down the aisle together! We are not traditional, we are going in together and leaving together- married. I have the exact same views as you, and we are also not doing a father-daughter dance for the same reason. However, the difference I guess is my dad is completely cool with it! He knows I love him and he agreed that is much more "us". My parents and FH's dad are standing all at the front waiting for us, then we will both hug them before we get married. My dad also is doing a speech. Anyway, can't wait to see peoples faces when we appear at the end of the aisle! Not sure what I would have done if my dad had objected... I just knew he wouldn't mind so it was never on my radar to worry about. I wish you the best of luck in sorting it out though! Either way it will be a beautiful day

I also agree with Paris. I don't think I will be able to walk in a straight line (my vision being blurred by tears). I struggled with the decision of whether to ask my mom (as she raised me) or my dad. But I can see it in my dad's eyes anytime the mention of walking me down the aisle comes up, he gets teary eyed thinking about it so I will be walking with him. I have asked my mother's brother to step in if my dad can't do it for any reason.

I would say having dad help you down the isle and just bypassing the saying the giving the bride away jazz would be just fine. As a parent, I see where you parent are coming from and how your dad is probably looking forward to that moment

I used to think that tradition was stupid. My father passed 6 years ago and I wish he was here now to walk me down the isle. My opinion has changed. It's a beautiful tradition that I could only wish I can participate in