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Nicole
Master November 2011

Walking down the aisle for the 2nd time

Nicole, on December 15, 2010 at 12:09 PM Posted in Planning 0 36

Since this is my 2nd (and FINAL) time to get married I am a little unsure about having my Dad walk me down the aisle. He did it the first time around but this time it seems a little akward. He is still in my life ofcourse but is not contributing financially to the wedding nor is he in ANY WAY involved in the planning this time around. So, it almost feels more appropriate to walk myself down. However, will his feeelings be hurt? Will guests be wondering why he is sitting in the crowd and not walking with me? I almost feel that because i'm older, have a child, and am completely independant from him that it just doesn't have that "giving me away" feeling that it once did.

Have any of you previously married ladies had to deal with this decision??

I know it's "my decision" and "my day" yada yada...but I want to know your opinion and what you would do in this situation. TIA ladies! *muah*

36 Comments

Latest activity by Vicky, on January 2, 2020 at 4:20 PM
  • Carole M (a.k.a "old tart")
    Master October 2011
    Carole M (a.k.a "old tart") ·
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    Absolutely, I had to deal with this decision. I am 49 years old. My father is 72. He is not contributing, nor would I expect him to do so, as he paid for the first one. My father just naturally assumed he would be walking me again. I just left it alone because he is a 72 year old Italian man. Walking me again is his job(I type with tongue firmly planted in my cheek.)

    I am also having serious issues with the father/daughter dance. Traditionally, it is an oldie, Al Martino's, "Daddy's Little Girl." But, guess what? I am far from little anymore. Any ideas!

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  • Nicole
    Master November 2011
    Nicole ·
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    Good, i'm glad i'm not the only one struggling with this. I just don't know how to approach him with my thoughts gently and not hurt his feelings. I'm worried that bringing it up with do one of 2 things- 1.) offend him or 2.) him be like "you're a big girl Nicole, I wasn't planning on it anyway"!

    aye yie yie... i hate this! grrrrrrr

    Luckily he and I both know how to ballroom dance so we will probably do some kind of fast polka or waltz...nothing too slow and sappy, more upbeat and fun to get everyone going.

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  • 2d Bride
    Champion October 2009
    2d Bride ·
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    I'm one of those that shuddered at the whole concept of being given away at my first wedding--which was back in 1977. We followed the Jewish tradition: The groom's parents both walked him, my parents both walked me, and no one got "given away." At my second wedding, NotFroofy and I walked together.

    Good luck with talking to your dad about it!

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  • JacobBride2B
    Super April 2012
    JacobBride2B ·
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    This is my 2nd wedding too... I'm having my son walk me down!

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  • Carole M (a.k.a "old tart")
    Master October 2011
    Carole M (a.k.a "old tart") ·
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    @Nicole....Thank goodness you don't have to come up with the sappy song. I so need suggestions on that one. I really don't want "Daddy's Little Girl" for two reasons: I hate the freaking song, and, I did it at wedding 1.

    @2D....I always had issues with the "giving away" thing as well, but in my family, sometimes it is best not to rock the boat. I love the Jewish approach. The Catholics are actually playing catch up(for a change). Today, it is perfectly acceptable, and in fact encouraged, for both parents to walk the bride up the aisle. The ex and I are doing that for my daughter.

    @JacobBride....Aww, that is so sweet!

    I thought about my daughters giving me away, but I thought they might throw me at the FH. Smiley smile Seriously, my father just ASSumed, and I can't do a darn thing about it, because he is 72 and I can't hurt his feelings.

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  • Genevieve
    VIP February 2011
    Genevieve ·
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    I'm not a second time around, but I'm certainly not anyone's property either. I have a career, I have my own money, and I've been supporting myself for years. I really hate the whole giving away thing, makes me feel like person X was responsible for taking care of me and now I'm being given as a burden to person Y.

    However, I'm also used to walking in a full length dress and have already tripped on it once trying it on, so FH is walking down the aisle with me to ensure there's someone to catch me if I trip. My parents will be seated up front and spectators.

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  • June
    Expert March 2011
    June ·
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    Have you talked to your dad? Seems like he might be wondering the same thing so ask and talk it out. Seems simple enough in my head . . . is that something you can do? I'm 48, walking for the second time and I had no plans to be "given away" since as Genevieve said I really don't feel like someone's property!

    Carole - do it for him, you'll be glad later :-) (yeah I know, easy for me to say, right?? :-) Oye the things we do for our parents!)

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  • Kimm
    Master October 2012
    Kimm ·
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    This is also my second wedding but I'm not having my father walk me down the aisle this time. In fact my FH and I will be walking down together. We are having the ceremony on the beach. A small and intimate ceremony with only about 25-50 people in attendance so nothing real formal anyway. I know this against all the normal traditions, but at this point it really matter? My parents are just thrilled that I'm even getting again.....LOL

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  • Kimm
    Master October 2012
    Kimm ·
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    This is also my second wedding but I'm not having my father walk me down the aisle this time. In fact my FH and I will be walking down together. We are having the ceremony on the beach. A small and intimate ceremony with only about 25-50 people in attendance so nothing real formal anyway. I know this against all the normal traditions, but at this point it really matter? My parents are just thrilled that I'm even getting again.....LOL

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  • Karen
    VIP August 2011
    Karen ·
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    Nicole, this is my 2nd marriage but 1st wedding. I have the dilemma of asking my Dad, Step-dad or both. My feminist side says "Walk yourself". My traditionalist side says "Ask them both". Having a wedding with all of it's stereotypical traditions are what I'm excited about. I almost died recently... it puts things into perspective! : ) I want the big wedding with the dress that he's not allowed to see, the pretty flowers, and the overall life experience of it. I don't care how ridiculous it may look to have my Dads walk me ... should I choose to go that route. I say lay it on the line honestly... "Dad, this is my 2nd wedding... you do not have to walk me down the aisle if you do not want to-- I'm totally ok with walking myself down unless you had your heart set on it. And if you do, then that's what we'll do." Or something along those lines.

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  • S
    Super September 2011
    SuzanneandGerald ·
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    Ladies,

    I will go out on a limb with this one.

    I only wished I had this problem, I am actually envious of all of you who can't decide.

    I've been given NO choice in the matter. All three, my mother, stepfather and father are deceased oh how I would love to have my daddy(step father) walk me down the aisle, or my father(biological). My two sons are walking down the aisle with me, my oldest son will be carrying a framed picture of my parents in his arms, making it that they will still be walking with me down the aisle.

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  • June
    Expert March 2011
    June ·
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    Suzanne - that is so sweet! That is an awesome way to bring your loved ones into the ceremony! GBU and have a super day!

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  • Shannon S.
    Master March 2011
    Shannon S. ·
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    Well, it's my second wedding, and my dad and I are not particularly close (he's kind of a jerk, honestly). I told my dad I was more comfortable walking myself down the aisle, and he pouted, and whined a bit, and then got over it.

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  • Nicole
    Master November 2011
    Nicole ·
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    Thank you all soooo very much for your responses and input on this. I spoke with my step-mother last night about the issue and she fully understood my reasoning for not wanting him to walk me down. I also never considered that the FH and I could walk down together. The ceremony will be somewhat casual and it may also detour people from wondering 'why the heck is her dad sitting in the front row'. Anyhow, I really do appreciate all the insight from you guys, you have given me some good ideas to think about.

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  • S
    Super September 2011
    SuzanneandGerald ·
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    Nicole another option could be

    You begin the walk alone, (symbolizing your independance) and instead of your FH waiting for you at the front, he can walk DOWN and meet you half way, and the two of you TOGETHER could walk the rest of the way symbolizing your joining together and beginning a new chapter in your lives.

    June P, Thank you, I will also be reseving three chairs at the front with but single roses on each one.

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  • Nicole
    Master November 2011
    Nicole ·
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    This is a great idea Suzanne! I will be walking down a set of stars that wrap from the backside of the fountain where the ceremony will be held. I can have him meet me at the bottom of the staircase.

    What ever would I do without you guys! *smooches*

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  • Gina
    Savvy December 2010
    Gina ·
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    Have you talked to your father about this?

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  • Nicole
    Master November 2011
    Nicole ·
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    Not yet. WW was my first stop for opinions on how to approach this with him

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  • S
    Super September 2011
    SuzanneandGerald ·
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    Glad I could help Nicole.

    The bottom staircase meeting would be excellent.

    I'm sure your father will understand the symbolism behind the walking alone in beginning and Fh meeting you part.

    If not, just remember this is you and fh's day. Good Luck!

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  • Nicole
    Master November 2011
    Nicole ·
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    I think once i lay it all out for him he will definitely be understanding. Thanks for all your advise Suzanne

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