Vow Renewal Rules?

I've been to a few vow renewal ceremonies, each one was different. I know one couple who renews their vows every year with a simple family BBQ. I did go to one vow renewal with a couple that hadn't had a formal wedding and they did their dream wedding. It is whatever you want it to be! It's your day!!

Thanks Amy! I do have some things that I really want because we didn't have a formal wedding the first time. I'm excited about the whole event!!!

I am having a vow renewal but for me it's like my wedding since we didn't have one. My husband is military and it was hard to plan. But anyway I got depressed after reading some of these wedding boards and how some women will make you feel about wanting to have your dream wedding if you never got to have one. Whatever the reason may be, if you want to have one then do so. Don't worry about etiquette. I doubt your family will judge you. And of they do, thu really aren't nice to do so. Unheard your not supposed to wear a wedding dress, have attendants or so first dance etc. But why should you not be able to if you never had one. Some people can be so mean like its a "club" that you have to be in. We come on here for support and advice. Not to be criticized or yelled at about etiquette. I doubt anyone who has a vow renewal is doing it to her gifts ( that was a big thing I was told). So do what you want. I am have my dream wedding. Wedding dress and all. The day I got married I wore a plain summer dress. No one was there. So to me this is my wedding and it should be your dream day too!

Hey ladies! I have been on here for about 6 months now and I must say, the ladies on the Wedding Wire boards are NOTHING like the ones on the other wedding boards who (I have heard) can be rude to those planning a vow renewal. I am planning a vow renewal myself for my husband and I to celebrate our 8th anniversary, also in May and have gotten nothing but support on here. Our budget is very tight, so it's not going to be extreme elegance, but I will be wearing a white wedding dress (it won't be a big puffy dress, but that's not what I wanted), we will have a cake, I will have attendants and he will have his guys, etc. I have never been one to care about "wedding ettiqute", so if that's what you're looking for, don't listen to me, lol! But do what you want! It's about you and your hubby, not everyone else! If you want a first dance, have a first dance. If you want your father to walk you down the aisle, let him (though technically, he won't be "giving you away" because you already...

Belong to your husband *smiles*). I am not and do not suggest registering for gifts, I would think of that as tacky, since the point of this is a celebration of your love and after years of being married, I know we have all the basic things we need, so what would there be to register for anyway. The point being, do what you do and let the nay sayers go to the wind. This is about you, your husband, and your love. I am sure your family and friends will be there to support you every step of the way!

The only thing I would keep in mind is to not call it a wedding, cause to me that says give us presents. Do'nt go having a bachlorette/shower (I no joke know someoen who did this although she'd been married 8 years)

I think you can have it as big or small as you want, this is a personal prefrence. How do you want to re-declare your love.

If I had money I'd do my whole wedding again the same way, escept since we're already married have a close family member officiate (here you can only have the church or a gov't official legally marry you) I would also forgo all the long ceremony and just basically have us do our vows, not have a wedding party for renewal just 2 close friends to again be wintesses.and do a reading.

Otherwise I'd do the food/music/ and party the same, but not have much for deco for the reception (might as well save money and use that for food and booze)

Yup, echoing the other ladies here but its whatever you want, but since you are already married, clarify that with your guests that it is a renewal ceremony and celebration. If we were doing something small, I like the idea of later on doing something bigger- alot of the ladies on here are already married but planning their "real" weddings.

I'd call it a 'Celebration of our wedding and renewal of vows".. Do whatever you want!

I actually have to disagree with some of the ladies...it is a wedding! I've looked up the definition of a wedding, and yes, the first definition is for a marriage, but one of the definitions is:
3: a wedding anniversary or its celebration —usually used in combination
My invitations and the STDs and the website actually do state that this is a Vow Renewal Celebration, but when folks (co-workers, family, friends) ask me about my plans and how it's going, they classify it as a wedding as well. That is what it is. I am walking down an aisle (though not being escorted), we will exchange vows and rings, it is a celebration of our wedding anniversary. It's a wedding!

And also, you are a bride, if you want to be. In fact, I have been told that I am becoming quit the "bridezilla", even though I wasn't one the first time around...*smiles*

My fiance and I are planning to do that for our 5 year anniversary. We are doing our renewal of vows in my homeland since my family will not be here for my wedding this August. But I am not doing the bachelorette/bridal shower though. I'm also not going to ask for any gifts. We are going to be doing a beach ceremony and a reception after, just with my family and close friends though.

You can do whatever you want that day. If you have the finances for it then go for it. People that care for you will not judge you. Have fun planning and goodluck!

DH & I had a 20th anniversary party in our home and surprised everyone (including our MOH & BM) with a vow renewal.

@mrs new beginnings, I couldn't agree with you more. To me a wedding is the celebration of the act of marriage. When you get married at the jop to me that's just the legal side. There is nothing wrong with jop weddings if that fits you but most women want the dream wedding and shouldn't be criticized if it couldn't be done exactly when they made it legal. I agree that here I've bad more support than other wedding boards. I actually almost for kicked off of one (weddingbee) for trying to state my point. All I got was negative feedback from women who got to have their dream weddings. Saying it was tacky, I was just doing it for gifts ( why would I spend 25k to get back not even a 1/4 of that.) I don't want gifts I don't want money. All I want is to share my vows with my husband that we couldn't do the first time bc no one was there. Whatever the case is, it doesn't hurt anyone to call a vow renewal a wedding. It doesn't matter. All that matters is that you are happy with what your planning.

Thank you ladies! I am excited about the idea of having a ceremony with family and friends. I am not going to register anywhere or have a bridal shower. I am also not going to ask for any gifts. We are planning to have a ceremony and a reception. I have gotten wonderful advice and lots of great ideas from on here. The more that I talk to people, the more I am realizing that everyone does things their own way and that's what makes that special day so beautiful :-)

People always confuse the word wedding and marriage.. I just don't get it, at least in my head there are two different things. lol

This site looks very interesting and helpful. My husband and I were married in 1973 and will be renewing our vows for our 40th anniversary the end of August. So excited because our first weeding happend so fast that we really didn't get to plan anything. This time we get to plan it for what we want.

So excited and so many questions....

OMGosh! I'm so lucky to have found this site. I have been to other forums where the members are so critical of everything. I too am planning a vow renewal ceremony for next June. I am so excited about it as well because like most of you I didn't get to have my "dream" wedding and to me that is what this renewal will be. I am wearing a white dress with a train and I am thinking about a veil (to hang down in the back) without the blusher of course. My 3 oldest girls are going to be my bridesmaids and my smallest is going to be the flower girl, but she isn't going to throw petals, instead carry a smaller version of the bridesmaids bouquets. I also have 3 boys that are going to walk down with my girls. Since my dad wasn't able to attend the first time I have asked him to walk with me down also. I plan on having a reception keeping it simple with finger type foods but I am going to have a 3 tiered wedding cake complete with a cake topper. This is "our" day and it will be grand!

I have come to the conclusion that if they don't like it oh well. It is not about them it is about the love that my husband and I share. We are also exchanging rings because we don't currently have any. I have also looked at a bunch of other "etiquette" sites and they all say that everything that I am planning is not proper. I think as long as the wording on the invites is simple and states a renewal that anything that you want to plan is perfect. My invites simply say" Because you have shared in our lives, by your friendship and love, we bride and groom together with our children invite you to share with us as we renew the exchanging of our vow. date, time and location. Guests will know up front what to expect.

I agree with Brandi, and all the others here that have said to do what you want. I'm so glad I found this site too, we are renewing in two days, if you can believe cold feet nervous feeling just like the first time, only 20 years later, so why not wear a gown that I want. Everywhere else I've looked said don't do this, don't do that, it's very discouraging.

It was important for my husband and I to renew our vows as just a few years back we were near divorce, thanks to his mid life crisis, and because we've endured the hardships of that, we wanted to renew and reclaim our marriage vows.

I decided to wear a white wedding gown, our daughters and grandchildren will be there. it's a tropical theme so the girls are in tropical sundresses, and my husband and grandson are in black dress shirt and tan dress shorts. (I'm sure some people would be like shorts? omg, but that's what we decided, in 100 degree heat, and standing on the banks of a tropical waterway. i say, do what you want!

Hi, I'm so relieved to find this site. My husband and I will be celebrating 20 years of marriage in September and we wanted to celebrate the insurmountable odds we faced and have been blessed to overcome. To get ready for this event, I viewed many other vow-renewal sites but my excitement was soon squashed. Discouraged by the negative comments on etiquette, I canceled the vow renewal a couple of times. But the more I got to thinking about it and the more I listened to God, I soon understood that people (the world) don't like to hear nice things about a lasting-marriage and will tear down your attempts to celebrate this beautiful miracle. I also looked at some of the people handing out this advice; many have no formal training in this area and also have never been married! So I'm glad to say that the formal vow-renewal/wedding is back on as planned and I will surely do exactly whatever I want! (continued on the next post...)

A father-figure will escort me down the aisle and pledge himself to continue to counsel us in times of uncertainty. I've purchased four pretty, yet inexpensive, bridesmaid dresses for my two daughters (18 & 13), my oldest sister, and my best friend. The flower girls have white fluffy dresses from Easter. My husband, and his groomsmen, will wear black suits with matching black ties. And, I just purchased my ivory-colored evening gown yesterday. I've also secured the banquet room (50 guests )at the Hilton Inn, which will serve for both ceremony and reception (similar to this: http://www-static.weddingbee.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/22/dsc-063.jpg ) I've set a modest budget and won't spend a great deal but I get kick out of making it look as though I did. I will use antique china/stemware collected over the years, and a simple menu (fruit/vegetable trays, stuffed eggs, potato salad, swedish meatballs, wingettes, cake) will be handled by family. (continued on next post...)