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Just Said Yes October 2020

Venue owner asked me to reschedule my date for a party??

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Kristen, on October 26, 2019 at 7:11 PM

So I have booked my wedding for October 31st 2020. It is a lovely venue and I'm sooo in love with it! I've also paid my deposit, and booked my photographer and paid that deposit, and told the caterer as well. No deposit has been paid to the caterer yet, as my mom works for them and they're giving me a discount lol. I specifically picked this date for the Halloween aspect. Which may be childish to some but 🤷‍♀️ I freaking love halloween. The owner/operator of the venue called me tonight, and said a cancer fundraiser wants to book a party for the last saturday in october again for 2020. She asked if I would be willing to move my date to either the weekend before or after. I told her I would get back to her tomorrow, as I am watching my niece and nephew currently. This seems...unprofessional to me. And now I'm filled with serious anxiety. I already know my photographer wont be available the weekend before or after, so I'd have to push it farther out. But saying no would make me feel like an ass. I mean, a damn cancer fundraiser!? She is putting this on me. Why would she even tell them she would talk with the bride?? Now I will look awful if I say no. But I dont want to say yes either. I get that it's a year away, and i have time, but I specifically booked the people that I did, on the date I did, and paid them money for a reason. It's really not even about Halloween in general. I could get over not getting married on Halloween. I cant get over not being able to use the amazing photographer I paid for, and missing out on that money I paid a deposit for. I'm just so stressed out and annoyed now! Was this wrong for her to do or am I just being a jerk?

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60 Comments

Super October 2020
Renee · on October 27, 2019 at 4:31 AM
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If you're anxious about telling them no (I have anxiety, something like that would be too straight forward for me) tell them you're unable to change your wedding date due to other vendors you have hired and they are unable to do your wedding on the other dates. It kind of takes the pressure off you and it secures your date
Or, if you're able to, tell them no, it's your wedding, you picked that date for a reason and you're not changing it
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Super October 2020
Renee · on October 27, 2019 at 4:35 AM
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Plus that was very unprofessional of them. Btw, you don't look like a jerk bc you want to go with the date you love
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Dedicated February 2020
Little · on October 27, 2019 at 5:05 AM
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I would totally say no and rate them 0 stars on Yelp. What will happen is the cancer people will find a different venue, and they should!
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Savvy June 2022
LaToia · on October 27, 2019 at 6:56 AM
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No you are not wrongand i would say no. You picked your date, the venue was available, you paida deposit. Deposits are for your date to be yours. I wouldn't feel bad that it's a event for cancer, i would apologize to her and say no. Or tgey would need to refund your deposit and pay at their expense a deposit at another venue if you don't want to tell them no. That's not fair or professional.
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Super January 2020
Cassie · on October 27, 2019 at 7:37 AM
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Tell them no. That is highly unprofessional for them to ask you. They should of told the other people they are sorry but their venue is already booked. If you haven’t already I would be checking their reviews. The venue should never have asked in the first place and by telling you it’s for a cancer fundraiser it sounds like they are trying to guilt you into changing your date.
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Expert September 2020
Emily · on October 27, 2019 at 7:59 AM
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This might be my jaded nature coming out, but I used to audit not for profits. Some of them are lovely and have amazing missions they are actually trying to achieve, and some.... I'd see "fundraising expenses" that almost surpassed the donations received for giant galas, and then the remaining funds go to day to day ops vs the actual mission. So unless it's like St. Judes, you don't know what kind of org they really are.

The vendor may want them since they might be able to charge more or write out off if they do provide a discount on services.

So no - they should feel bad. Not you.
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Dedicated October 2020
Julia · on October 27, 2019 at 8:13 AM
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You have no obligation to say No and should not feel bad for doing so. Now if you are willing to change it to another date your photographer is available I would ask the venue to pay any fees related to the change and would ask for a discounted price on the venue. This way you get the venue and the photographer you want but are compensated for the date change.
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Dedicated May 2020
Sarah · on October 27, 2019 at 8:25 AM
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Agree with other posters. A fundraiser can definitely be scheduled elsewhere.
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VIP October 2021
Jennifer · on October 27, 2019 at 8:38 AM
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"NO" is a word you can say- & SHOULD. There's NO reason the fundraiser cannot simply pick another date. YOU have booked and put down a deposit. This can become a legal action should they choose to push the issue, as it is being changed for another event & not some other reason- like a roof collapse!

Think of it this way: The "cancer fundraiser" has OTHER venues, other dates and a much better chance of having their vendors( as it sounds like they do this a lot) available- YOU, my seeet bride, do NOT.
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Master May 2019
Cyndy · on October 27, 2019 at 8:39 AM
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I would not change the date. Poor planning on their part does not mean you should feel guilty. It’s booked and a deposit has been made. Done.
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Dedicated November 2020
April · on October 27, 2019 at 8:40 AM
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That is extremely unprofessional of them to ask you to change the date, it is their own fault for giving the date away if they wanted to reserve it for something else. I would absolutely NOT give into the date change, especially since you already started booking other vendors.
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VIP October 2021
Jennifer · on October 27, 2019 at 8:41 AM
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Then the venue can suck it up and they can tell the other people "Sorry we booked another event".

And AFTER the wedding I would inform the woman who called that it is Highly unprofessional and manipulative to call a bride like that. Especially when other vendors have/had to be booked the date is NOT as flexible...
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Devoted December 2019
Samantha · on October 27, 2019 at 8:49 AM
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This exactly!!!
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VIP September 2019
Mrs. Bubba · on October 27, 2019 at 9:19 AM
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You booked first!

Are they offering you a SIGNIFICANT discount to make changes to your plans?
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Devoted May 2019
Denise · on October 27, 2019 at 9:24 AM
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Here’s a possible scenario for how the conversation went at the venue:

”Hey, Event Manager, we loved our event at your place tonight. We traditionally host this event the fourth Saturday in October. Do you have availability for next year?”

”Thanks, Fundraiser Folks, we currently have an event on the books for that day. It’s a year out and I don’t know deep they are in the planning process. I can call and check to see what they think, but I can’t make any promises. If they’re not willing to change, can you consider another day?”

It’s absolutely fine to say no. The venue is simply trying to accommodate as many clients as possible. Unless they’re making threats or are abusive, it’s not unprofessional.
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Dedicated November 2019
Stephanie · on October 27, 2019 at 10:08 AM
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Say no. They could find another venue.
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Master November 2022
Chrysta · on October 27, 2019 at 10:26 AM
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Oh my goodness, with this sort of sentimental background I would certainly not change the venue! And I don’t blame you for not wanting to compromise on your photographer either! If *I* were in your shoes, I would tell the venue sorry but no, I’ve already put down deposits on my vendors and some of them are not available the weekend before or after. Bottom line, you booked the date first. The cancer fundraiser will not be cancelled just because they do not book that particular venue, they will just book somewhere else.
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Expert August 2020
Sarah · on October 27, 2019 at 10:41 AM
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I would just reply and say “I’d love to accommodate them as I know it’s a great cause; unfortunately, I have already booked many of my vendors. Upon talking to them, they are already booked out around that time and I cannot afford to lose already paid deposits so I will not be able to change my date.
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Super September 2019
Courtney · on October 27, 2019 at 10:46 AM
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I’d be uncomfortable too but say sadly vendors are booked and deposits paid so you have no flexibility in moving the date. You booked fair and square, there’s no reason you should have to move. The fundraiser is for a good cause but if they knew they wanted a Halloween event they should have booked sooner or be willing to compromise on the venue.
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VIP March 2019
Yoice · on October 27, 2019 at 10:55 AM
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I don’t think you’re being a jerk, I’m sure you can find another date to match your photographer but I also think the fundraiser can find another date as well in the event. If you want a Halloween wedding then have your wedding and just tell them you contacted your vendors and is not possible to move it or tell them the truth that you want that day because is special for you. You’re not in a obligation to move it and you’re not interfering with the fundraiser either as it can be done any other day as well.
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