VENT! Best Friend got invited to my wedding, but got married and didn't even tell me!

Maybe it was spur of the moment. Some people don't see it as a big deal. Personally if I eloped I wouldn't tell anyone until after the fact even a friend or my mom.

I totally get you being upset! A simple "btw this happened" text even would gave sufficed. That's shady and not what friends should do.

So the friend didn't put it on FB, but others congratulated her, right?

I wouldn't be hurt just yet. Ask her, talk to her, find out her reasoning. Then be hurt if the answers aren't what you hoped. There could be a simple explanation (i.e. only family at the courthouse, not a real celebration, etc.).

Thanks everyone for the advice! @EricaTx- yes I even went on there this morning and her relationship status never changed but she has been posting random videos not of the wedding and people are just saying congrats. My FH says I shouldn't dig any deeper and to let her be, but I feel like she owes me an explanation even if it is a shitty one, that way I at least tried.

Why do you feel like she owes you an explanation?

I guess owes isn't really the right word, but since she has told me basically everything else baby related and her plans with her Husband before I just feel like she lead me to believe she would tell me. She always says things that lead me to believe I have a closer relationship with her then most people. If she at least didn't plan on telling me before the wedding I definitely expected a text by now just letting me know. I guess as bad as it sounds I feel entitled to at least know because of the whole free cake thing, I am suppose to be there the day of the birth too, it kind of just felt like we were family, so my expectations got the best of me and I set them to high. I

My best friend did the same thing to me. Not under the same circumstances - but the same sort of deal. She was "on and off" with a guy she worked with at a restaurant (she was a waitress and he was a back kitchen guy). He is also three years younger than her so it was like two kids flirting it up at the restaurant. Suddenly, during the holidays my friend and I went shopping and she could not get a credit card to work. She whipped out two ID's with TWO DIFFERENT NAMES on them and I was like "what is up with that?". She got married at the court house like a MONTH before and didn't even tell me. I was shocked - but mostly really, really hurt that she didn't even tell me. They were only dating for like 6 months and they were married.

That is hurtful, she could have at least told you she was getting married. It is possible that her or his parents were pressuring them to marry and the stress of that and baby caused the oversights. I would try to talk to her if you can.

I am sure you are a much nicer person than me, but I would not be making a free cake for 100 people for someone who pulled that - not someone who is supposedly a best friend. I am sorry you are going through this.

@Lauren- trust me, I am not that much nicer haha. I am highly considering not even going anymore since she won't even answer my texts!

@FFM, do you think its possible that she didn't tell anyone but like her immediate family because she intended to send out announcements to "surprise" people?

It seems so bizarre that she didn't post anything but other people are. Like maybe the news leaked somehow, when it was supposed to be a surprise?

ORRR do you think its possible she is embarrassed or jealous bc you get the "big" wedding and under the circumstances, she "had" to the courthouse route?

I would be completely feeling the way you are, my best friend and I are so close that like we side eye the other if they buy a pair of shoes and didn't tell the other lol. We aren't normal, we know it, and we like it that way. But I would be like what in the actual hell is this if I were in your shoes

Oh, wait I read about the God Mother thing. So wait no, you totally were just left out??? And now she is ignoring you?? Um, there would be no cake. And no invite either. F that noise.

I would wait until I talk to her if I were you. There could be more to it than you realize. As far as others posting on FB about wishing they could be there, it could be that your friend didn't invite these people and that her family informed people about the marriage before your friend got a chance to tell people. She may want to focus on just being married for a few days before telling anyone else she is married. There could be outstanding factors to consider. From personal experience, one of my cousins got married a few years ago, Because it was her second marriage she didn't want to make a big deal about it and felt (probably rightly so) that if she told people before hand that she was getting married, people would want to be involved/hurt if they weren't invited. After the wedding, she called everyone to tell us about the marriage (but waited longer to tell my sister and I as our half - sister had just passed away and she wanted to let us have some time to grieve before hearing the news). A year or 2 later she got pregnant (after having 4 miscarriages, 3 of which she had carried until 4 or 5 months along) so she didn't tell anyone except her parents and in laws (and she was 6 months pregnant then). In fact she didn't even tell everyone until the baby was 2 months old and the doctors were certain she (the baby) would live (she was extremely early so it was a struggle for a long time). Your friend probably still needs your support, Please hear her out before you say or do something you regret later.

How long have your been friends? People tend to throw that friend word around very easy.

I didn't tell anyone I was getting married with my 1st marriage. We was only 19 and our parents would have been dead set against it. We just went to the court house and did it. I called my friends after and say guess what I got married. They wasn't pissed they just laugh it off and said I was crazy as hell and my parents was going to kill me. If I ran off now they might be a little pissed and curse me the hell out because they are expecting a wedding and one has made travel arrangements already. But would they end the friendship over it HELL NO! As friends we have been threw worst things this would not be a biggy. But we been friends for 20 plus years, its going to take more than a wedding to break us up.

#Real Friends Ride.

@JK- She may have wanted to surprise people, but I don't think that was her intention because even when she was first got pregnant she told me but didn't want me to tell anyone including the other co-workers and boss until she was ready. So I would of expected her to do the same thing in this scenario. As far as the god mother thing I didn't take it to heart because I knew she was just "thinking out loud" so I wasn't upset by it, but I am a little upset she didn't tell me about that either considering she chose another friend. I assumed it would have been her sister and even asked if she was sure when she asked me because of the sister. I think honestly she is avoiding me, because she also has never not responded to a text of mine. I even started it out with just "Hey!!" and got nothing. I pretty much think she is avoiding me right now. I just really want her to at least be apologetic, I don't really want to throw away the friendship, but I have before with other friends so she may not be any different from them. I will have to see, if she doesn't want to talk to me I guess then there is nothing to talk about.

My gut feeling? Please, don't assume that all you are to her is a free baby shower cake. You are entitled to your feelings, and being hurt is a natural reaction to this situation. Please, keep those feelings between you and FH until you have a chance to speak to her in a one on one conversation. You don't know what went on behind the scenes or how hard her family (or both families) pushed to get these two married without fanfare. I'm a firm believer in giving people a pass when they're facing high stress, unusual situations with the added pressure of family demands. I don't believe her decision to withhold the wedding plans from you was meant to hurt you. It sounds like you truly care about this woman. Hold onto the good, and wait until you can have a heart to heart with her. That's my advice.

@FMM, wait so you work together and as such you will see her tomorrow at work?

I would be hurt too. I would give it a little time and talk to her.

Edit: I read more comments and ya it looks like she used you. And is not ignoring you?! Just plain rude. I wouldn't be making her a cake at all now.

Oh my

Wow- getting married without telling your so-called "best" friend? Having to find that out from FACEBOOK?? That is the type of thing that ends friendships. Have you heard from her at all? I would seriously re-evaluate that friendship.