Unsupportive matron of honor

Thanks for the comments. I guess I should have clarified that I asked my bridesmaids to be in my wedding and they set the budget. I let them decide on the dress they wanted. I picked the colors. When I was in my sisters wedding, she assigned the dress and even let me know that she wanted two recliners for her wedding gift. I threw her shower and went with her to get her gown and to get fittings. I just expected the same treatment back. It isn't about the money it's about the experience. I even told them I didn't want a shower, just a dinner out together would be great. We did not do a bachelorette party either.

Also, I had the same surgery and when I was going through it she had no time for me.

Sorry I was working.. Just got back to my computer. Not posting and ghosting....

Ditto what everyone has said.. bridal party just has to show up and support you on the big day.. any more that they do is wonderful and gravy.

I feel very blessed that my BMs have been so supportive from start. My 2 gfs who live an hour away will send me cute little ideas that they know are "so me". It's little gestures like that that make me feel special. So simple, but it's the little things.

Anytime we do talk or see each other I make sure I'm not obnoxiously talking just wedding stuff. I know I could talk wedding for days lol

"It's about the experience" ???

No one will be more excited for your wedding than you. I'm sorry you felt miffed by your sister when you were in her wedding, but did you think that based on how she treated you then, that was going to change now? I'm sorry for being so blunt, but if what you said is true, I'm not surprised by how she's acting.

That's what my family told me as well. I shouldn't be surprised.

Well, OP, if we're saying it and your family's saying it...

She is who she is. If she wants to step down, let her do so on her own, but do not push her to, Regardless of her behavior, you don't just ask someone to step down as a bridesmaid/MOH.

I understand that you're feeling upset because you put a lot of effort out when she got married and were expecting her to want to give as much back to you... and she didn't, which sucks but unfortunately no one cares as much about your wedding as you do and even though her behavior shouldn't have you surprised, you got your hopes up.

Just focus on your other BMs and let go of any expectations from her and enjoy your wedding. Also ask your sister if she would feel more comfortable being a guest and if she says yes then let her be a guest.

ETA: just mentioned her being a guest since you said she had asked to not be in the BP anymore

Thanks I'm just hurt and wanted the same support I have her. I just needed to vent.

@OP I totally understand your need to vent and how your feelings are hurt.

I definitely needed a little more backstory on this one.

Unfortunately, people won't change unless they want to.

I suggest enjoying your wedding process and not letting your sisters actions (or lack thereof) affect you. Let go of any expectations and de-stress!

@OP- after hearing your backstory, I understand more where you're coming from. I think there's a difference between a rant and a vent. If they set the budget, she's being unfair complaining now- at least to your other BMs. She shouldn't be airing her laundry to them. As your sister, if she has beef, she should be taking it up with you. I think it hurts hearing it through the grapevine.

I white-knight when it's right---and I think I get what your vent is about. I feel the same. I've been in 3 weddings before. I chose to spend $$ on flights, gifts, showers, and dresses and I realize now that even though the brides were appreciative- I thought that's what I was "supposed to do". I also WANTED to. One was my cousin and two were very close friends. I wanted to be of help.

NOW- I'm the last of the Mohicans so to speak. Last one to get married. Everyone has kids now - or in the unfortunate case of a very close relative...is struggling with infertility- so, my wedding is just not a big deal to anyone- except me. And my mom.

It's ok though- because in my 20s, weddings were THE big things happening to folks. But, as I get older, life hits us. People lose parents, lose their health, lose jobs. People get huge promotions, make big moves, become parents. Huge, life-changing things. So while my wedding is not forefront of my bridal party's mind, I know they'll be there for me (as yours will be for you) on your big day. Don't "expect" the other extraneous stuff. You did receive a shower which was lovely I'm sure. As far as her asking to step down- try to take yourself out of it and look at it objectively. She's asking, you should try to understand. If her heart isn't in it, of course that's hurtful given what you've done for her. But- try NOT to take it personally. Your day is coming up. Have a heart to heart with her. Let her do what makes her comfortable- be prepared for either outcome. And enjoy this special time of yours.

Be gracious and let her drop out, if that's what she is asking for. Which to me, it sounds like the surgery is an out for her. And for you.

If she is complaining about things, you really don't need that. Sounds like you would both be happier.

No one has helped out with my wedding except me!

Good luck, OP! I think your sister is more impt in the long run, but I understand how you feel. Focus on the fun, positive stuff