Unity Ceremony: Yea or Nay?

We are, but we didn't even know it was called a unity ceremony. We're just doing some old Scottish traditions because it works for us. Our "unity" ceremony is the tying of tartans, where we're tying a piece of FH's tartan to a piece of Chinese brocade to represent the tying of two families an the tying of 2 souls. If you are trying to decide, do a ceremony if it is meaningful to you both. If it's not, I'd tend to say, skip it.

I agree that the wedding ceremony in and of itself is a unity ceremony, but that doesn't mean that a couple can't or shouldn't incorporate other mini-ceremonies that are personal and meaningful to them. Technically, the ring exchange is not necessary to be legally married, but almost everyone does it, and it is as much a unity ceremony as the candles or the sand or what have you.

With that said, we are incorporating a unity pint (of beer) ceremony, because we both love craft beer and we are being married at a brewery. Because... well, why not?

It is truly up to the couple. Nothing is set in stone and ou should make the day your own. We are doing a sand ceremony because we like the meaning behind it.

I am planning a tree planting as the unity part of the wedding, but it's more for us and our 3 kids (my daughter is not his, but he's been in her life for over 7 years). I'm also using soil from our child hood homes.

I am not doing one because I find writing my own vows has more meaning. I am ok with them as long as they are unqiue and not those typical sand/unity candle sets you buy at party stores, if someone can come up with something unique, I am all for it. I also think handfasting is a neat custom.

I think you make a great point. you are being united at the ceremony but I think originally your parents were supose to the light the candle then pass it onto you for you and FH to light one big one. then light it on your anniversary it was just a tradition to give more to the ceremony. but it is all what you beleive in.

I wanted to do the sand thing but I still don't know, I have my two daughters we were going to have pour sand in to but I just don't know my oldest will be 17 when we get married so it is almost pointless.

We're not doing a unity thing either, in the more common sense. We're going to do a "laying of hands" thing near the end where everyone at the wedding gathers around us and puts their hands on us or the people around them, connected to us, while a blessing is said. I like it because the pastor is my fiance's dad, so it seems like a big commitment, from everyone there, to support us with continuing friendship.

I should note that before this idea came up, we weren't going to do anything either (no sand, candle, etc).

I think it's really up to you. Some of the 'unity rituals' are very moving, visually. My personal favorite right now is my sushi sharing, and I love the chocolate sharing too.

With kids? The sand ceremony is perfect, as is the hand tracing.

Lady Monk, I love that idea, and I'm stealing it.

It's definitely up to you and your FH. We are not doing one. We aren't religious and we're most likely just doing very standard vows because we don't want to write vows, but we are doing a Thai water ceremony right after our very short American wedding ceremony.

We are not having a specific unity tradition but only because FH and I want a short ceremony. My FFIL is officiating the ceremony (he got ordained online) and I wrote the ceremony (FH and FFIL both reviewed it for "script" and FFIL ensured it included all the necessary information for it to be "legal").

We skipped them. Instead, we had an affirmation of family and friends, which I found really moving. Our officiant asked our guests to support us in our marriage, and they all had to say "I do." I loved it.

I think some unity ceremonies and such are a nice touch, but some couples go overboard. You don't need a sand ceremony, rose ceremony, AND a wine ceremony. Pick one thing and do it well.

Im not doing the candle but I am doing the sand with my children and FH after we say our vows and my godmommy and friend is singing this beautiful song while we do the sand of our wedding colors. To me its very important because our family is becoming one.

We are doing it. I actually got scolded by one of my bridesmaids for making the ceremony "unnecessarily long" by doing more than just vows and rings. Guess she should just be glad we arent Catholic and doing the full mass, or doing four different readings. Just one little unity ceremony.

We actually picked out a Sand Ceremony because it wasn't like anything we had ever heard of. We wanted a Secular wedding, but we wanted some form of Ceremony extra. We won't have any readings or anything, so we decided the Sand Ceremony would be nice. We got a personalized Vase and carefully picked our sand colors. Before doing research when we hadn't heard of the sand or the candle ceremony.

Just ask yourself what would have meaning for you two? If it's just vows, ring, kiss, then there's your answer. If you want something more, than find something that gives it meaning to you. That's what the ceremony is about giving you guys an extra connection.

It depends on the couple but I do like unity ceremonies. If it's a church wedding most couples do the candle or sand and some couples only do them to make the ceremony longer. I love the water ceremonies right now. The unity ceremony needs to match the couple and there are so many out there that they can match any couple.

We aren't doing one because we both think it's kind of awkward. We actually prefer the ceremony to be simple. We don't want to do anything as "fillers" because they don't seem to have a lot of meaning and take away from the real reason we are there: to say our vows and I do!

We weren't going to do it but we decided it was a very nice way to involve our mothers in the ceremony. It is your day and you should do whatever is going to make the ceremony most meaningful for you and your husband. We are also including the response of the children as we both have children form other marriages and want to include them to send home the message that it is important to us that they approve of our marriage.

Unity celebrations I've done:

Candle

Salt

Sand (plain or colored)

Sand from the home states/countries of the B&G

Colored beads representing each person in the new family

Combining 2 containers of water and watering a potted tree (to be planted in their yard later)

Watering an orchid

Planting wild flower seeds & watering them

Handfasting

If there are guests, I also ask for the affirmation of their support.

There is nothing wrong with making the ceremony last 15-20 minutes. If guests have traveled far, you don't want them to sneeze and miss the whole thing!

If you're writing your own ceremony, read it out loud while timing yourself. It's probably shorter than you think.

We totally felt the same way! I didn't want to do the candle or sand just because we were "supposed to" or it was what everyone was doing...I don't really like them that much, anyways! Until we saw the Unity cross...we're both Christian so making sure we were honoring God in the ceremony was something that was important to us. It's suchhhhh a beautiful representation of man & wife, and very personal for us, so that's what we're doing!

Before we found that unity ceremony though, we weren't going to do one! It should be about what you want your ceremony about, and don't feel forced to do anything just because it's being done by everyone nowadays! Your hubby's right - the ceremony IS pretty much one big unity ceremony! So don't feel pressured If you want to do something fun, maybe you could create your own? Out of something that's special to you both!