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R
Savvy July 2021

Unique Situation

Rachel, on July 6, 2020 at 8:51 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 7

So what I'm going to ask requires some backstory information. Before I was born, my grandfather quit speaking with his mom (my great grandmother) and his siblings. He is one of 12 children and he hasn't talked to them in over 20 years. I know I met my great grandmother and his two sisters once, but I don't really remember them. My mom was also never really allowed to have a relationship with any of them. Fast forward about six months ago, my grandfather quit talking to my parents, my brother and I. He didn't attend my brother's wedding in February and I doubt he will attend my wedding next year. The reason he quit talking to us is because my parents technically fired him from his job. My dad last his job approximately two years ago and at the time my grandfather's boss was looking to sell his business. My grandfather was an employee for the company for about 40 years, but he didn't want to buy the company because he is almost 70. He knew my dad needed a job so he suggested that my parents buy the business. My grandfather trained my dad and brother for about six months then the owner of the company sold the business to my parents. Everything was fine at first until my grandfather started making ridiculous demands. He also seemed very jealous of how successful my parents were with the business. They gained a ton of new customers. The old owner didn't really do any advertising, but my parents created a website and Facebook page, bought shirts and hats, made business cards, and advertised in the paper. My parents were quickly getting fed up with my grandfather. He was saying truly awful things to my mom so finally they decided enough was enough and they let him go. He kept one of their credit cards for the business and continued using it. He also kept keys to one of the trucks they use for the business. He told them if they wanted the credit card and keys to come to his house to pick them up. He pulled a gun on my dad and brother so they immediately left. I don't think there is really any way that our relationship with him is going to improve. My mom recently reached out to one of his sister's. She has been so sweet to my mom. We were going to have Easter with the entire family, but because of Covid that didn't happen. My mom has always wanted to get to know her family since her father never let her have a relationship with them. I would love to invite them to the wedding, but I don't want it to seem weird since I don't actually know them or like I'm inviting them as a way to get a gift or something like that because that's not at all the case. Do you think it would be okay to invite this side of my family enough though I don't actually know them?

7 Comments

Latest activity by Rachel, on July 7, 2020 at 1:09 PM
  • A
    Super December 2020
    Anais ·
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    I think it’s a sweet thought. Does that side of the family knows your family wants to reach out now?
    Maybe you could add a handwritten note in the invitation saying you hope to connect with this side of the family and think a wedding is the perfect time?
    You should invite whoever you want to be present, and if they get offended thinking that you’re doing it for presents, I don’t think it’s a big deal since you don’t have a relationship with them anyways.
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  • R
    Savvy July 2021
    Rachel ·
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    Yes, my mom and I are Facebook friends with a couple of them. We have messaged with them on Facebook and they are always very nice. They also comment nice things on our stuff on Facebook. We were supposed to have Easter dinner with a bunch of them, but because of the pandemic we weren't able to.

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  • J
    Master October 2022
    Jana ·
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    I don't see anything wrong with inviting them. They would probably love to attend a family gathering with you. You could also organize a family reunion picnic inviting them that doesn't include the stress and expense of a wedding as well.
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  • VIP August 2020
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    I think it's fine to invite the ones you would've spent Easter with. It's pretty common to invite people you spend holidays with, and covid is the only reason you didn't!
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  • Chelsea G
    Devoted June 2021
    Chelsea G ·
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    I would invite them. You were going to spend the holidays with them and it shows you're trying to have a relationship with him. Unfortunately your grandfather seems toxic and petty which is why your mother/your family does not have a relationship w/ them. It's unfortunate he let a grudge go that long.

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  • Jayne
    Dedicated June 2022
    Jayne ·
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    If I understood your post.......... your wedding isn't until next year. Don't hurry this decision.......... you don't have to decide until you are ready to either send invitations or give the venue your final numbers. See how the relationship builds until then. You have time to build this into a friendship or see that it's never going to go beyond an online acquaintance. Don't worry about this until it's time to worry about it.

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  • R
    Savvy July 2021
    Rachel ·
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    We plan to send save the dates out in a few months so I will need to decide sooner rather than later. My great grandmother is 94 so right now wouldn't be a good time to get to meet her because of Covid. My grandfather's siblings are 55 and up so they also might not to meet up any time soon. We are trying to decide if we want to allow children, but if I invite this side of the family and children we would go over our budget. So I can't really wait to see what happens.

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