Uninvited to wedding reception due to capacity- what's proper response as a guest

Wow...I don't know if there IS a correct response to a situation like this, when they're SOOO in the wrong. How close of a friend is this? Personally, I would tell them how inconvenienced you are because of this having already bought flights, etc. and tell them how disappointed you are that you weren't deemed worthy enough to make the cut to enjoy the actual reception. Then I wouldn't attend the ceremony, not send a gift, but perhaps a card with an invoice for all of your expenses that they caused you to incur.

I agree with Christine, I cannot believe how rude that is! Is this a friendship you value? If not I'd do what she suggested. If it is... You have to tread a little lighter but I still feel you should be reimbursed! Insane! So sorry that happened to you.

That is insanely rude!!! I would definitely send them an email back with the costs you've incurred. And maybe take the trip anyway, but don't go to their ceremony. Just have a getaway with FH! Lol. Wow, people can be such jerks.

Whatever you do, do not do it by email.

First off, they are incredibly in the wrong and I'm sorry that you're being subjected to this.

Second, if you are close to them (and I mean close), call them and firmly but politely your situation.

I don't think you'll be reimbursed and I wouldn't even ask about it, but I do feel like this is one of those horrible situations where they are being stupid enough to warrant a WTH conversation.

Good luck.

Wow. I wouldn't even WANT to go at this point, and that would be the end of the friendship, honestly. That is horrifyingly rude and you've gotten some great advice. I'm still stuck on the max email part. They have, in essence, made their bad planning their guest's problem. (Note to anyone counting on people, especially far away ones, declining....)

I'm with Christine; I don't think you'll get reimbursed, but it would at least be satisfying to try. I'd also talk to your airline and then your charge company; you may have insurance for cancelled flights and cars. Or go and do something else fun. And don't send a gift.

I can't believe people would do that, especially to a friend, and especially to an out-of-town one!

Speaking of which, are you sure they are the ones who sent this email? Could it be a vengeful mother-in-law hijacking their email account? Call them just to be on the safe side...

Yikes. How horrible. If this ever happened to me, I would cease to be their friend.

I wouldn't send an email - I would call. I would call them and ask why were you on the chopping block since you RSVPed earlier and bought your tickets and hotel room. Regardless, I would tell them that you respect their decision, but they must respect your decision to end the friendship due to the incredibly rudeness shown here.

Strike that. I'd go anyway. What are they going to do, turn you away? Or go to the location and have a mini-vacation without going near the wedding.

Where is it?

Ouch - that isn't good at all. I think a phone call is in order. What do they expect you to do? I hope the wedding is some place you would want to visit anyway. And I definitely wouldn't send a gift. This is seriously my nightmare as a bride of overinviting people. Poor planning on their part.

Wow! Im with @Marina.. I would call them, and ask them about it. Geez, I just wanted you guys to know that i just got this mass email uninviting us from the wedding reception, i know it couldnt possibly be from you guys! Weve bought our nonrefundable tickets and are really excited to see you guys! And see what they say. Im betting its not real.. please come back and tell us what your relationship is with the bride and groom, where their getting married, and what the final result is.

That's insanely rude. To be hinest I would ask if they could reimburse any of our none refundable Costs. They screwed up- went through there list and decided you weren't important enough to make the "list".... I would be extremely upset and it definatly would impact my friendship with the person..... Send them the bill for your trip- you rsvpd and your travelling, and it's they're fault they never looked at the numbers. They should accomodate the inconvenience in some way

I'm a big fan of only inviting people you can't imagine being without. Clearly, they don't think this way and it's insulting and unspeakable. I wouldn't go if they begged me.

I would have chopped the friends of our parents first....oh wait! I would have not invited more people than my venue holds! I dont necessarily think them uninviting you means your not important to them. I think they were over capacity, and had to pick some people. No matter who got cut, those people are going to feel bad. How many people were in the mass email? Bet the b& g are young and arent on weddingwire for advice, or as isaid before, the email is not real....or the poster is a troll that posted at 4:30am???

Holy shit. Man that's rude. I agree with the other ladies, call them!

Wow, rude beyond words. If you stuck, enjoy your mini-vacation without them. And absolutely don't send them a gift.

Wowwwww. This is sooooo rude. I've never heard of anything like this happening before. I would probably respond with something very short and abrubt, such as "that is unfortunate given we've already purchased our plane tickets and hotel room. We will not be attending the ceremony or after party". And then drop these jerks from your lives and take a vacation in that city. Do not send a gift.

Thank you all for the responses. I wish I were a troll and this wasn't a real situation. It's my husbands friend who became my friend after we got together. We consider him to be a fairly close friend. Whenever he's in our city for work, which is fairly frequent (at least once every few months) he stays at our house sometimes for as much as 4-5 days instead of paying for a hotel. He's a freelance photographer who frequently travels for shoots and he actually gifted us his photography services for our wedding. We don't know how many people got the message but my husbands brother and sister in law also got it and are in the same situation. We haven't called yet because we wanted to think it through before calling. I really hate for this to damage my husbands and his friendship.

WOW. That is all I can say....I would respond that you have already bought NON REFUNDABLE plane tickets. I would also ask them to refund the cost of my tickets. Most likely that won't happen, but I would ask simply to make the point at how put out you are. I would definitely NOT be attending the ceremony and definitely do NOT send a gift. I would chalk it up to a mini-vacation I guess!

ETA: The friend who takes advantage of your hospitality, you VERY GRACIOUSLY allow him to stay at your home for 4-5 days instead of a hotel, saving him hundreds, maybe thousands of dollars a year....uninvited you??? You definitely need to make that phone call ASAP and figure out what's going on. Wow.... just wow.

Eeek. Even more sensitive subject because he's providing the photography. Idk, maybe just make him feel guilty. You're going to have to play nice until you get your photos back.

ETA: only suggesting since your date is soon and it's probably going to be tough to find someone else good at this point.

ETA again (after seeing Marina's comment): Thanks for pointing that out! I definitely didn't notice. In that case, ehh, I'd cut off the relationship.

Futuremrslav, I think her date was in 2014 :-)

That's awful planning and inexcusably rude! I would email them or call them and tell them you've already purchased the plane tickets and basically that you expect a meal. That's horrible. I totally agree with Celia. Friendship OVER, also don't invite them to yours!!!