Uninvited plus ones

You call them, and say you can't accommodate uninvited guests. Don't give any excuses like space or money, these people are the rude ones. Not you.

Define how you're using the term "plus one." Are they dating these people?

At this time, it doesn't matter how she defined "plus one". That ship has sailed and is a discussion for another time. If they weren't invited by name, they need not be accommodated.

Contact them.

"There must have been a misunderstanding. We are not able to accommodate any more guests. If that means you will be unable to attend, we will miss you at the wedding."

Don't make any excuses-they will try to solve the problem rather than accept that their "add on" is not included.

Are these truly single guests, or are these significant others of the guests, and you failed to invite them? If the former, tell them the invitation is only for them.

Yeah, that's not entirely accurate muriel. If she didn't invite S/Os, the guests kinda have a right to assume that she meant to invite them, as that is etiquette.

Thank you for your responses! We invited all long term SOs of guests, these plus ones are those who were not in the picture before we sent out invitations and who we have never met.

Don't accommodate. Tell them unfortunately you are unable to but you're excited to see them.

Well hang on a second. Anyone who identifies themselves as being in a relationship must be invited with their SO. It would be really rude to leave out a partner of one of your guests.

@Swin. You are misinformed. No one should ever assume the hosts meant to invite two people when the invitation is in one person's name only. It is rude to write in extra names. If these people thought their SO should have been invited, they had plenty of time to clarify the situation with the bride or groom.

It is not a breach of etiquette to not invite plus ones. There is a difference between plus ones and SO's.The only SO's who need to be invited are those who are engaged, married or living together, in other words , a social unit.

These plus ones are in relationships of less than a few months, if they were not in the picture when invitations were mailed.

Muriel and OP, plus ones are ANYONE in a relationship. Don't do the long term relationship bull shit. You shouldn't diss someone's relationship while at the same time inviting them to celebrate yours.

Also, do you know what's more rude than writing in a guests name? Not inviting their significant other.

Muriel -no. A SO is a SO- regardless of if they live together or are engaged.

None of us individually gets to revise etiquette. There are far more qualified people for that.

These people were not even dating when the invitations were mailed out. No hosts are expected to go over their whole guest list after rsvp's are coming in and check to see if someone who was single and not dating anyone, is now dating and wants a plus one. That's what it is- a plus one, for someone who does not have an SO.

https://www.bustle.com/articles/77296-wedding-plus-one-etiquette-12-rules-you-must-know-about-bringing-a-guest

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/xochitl-gonzalez/the-rules-regarding-plus-_b_1441680.html

http://www.ask-jocelyn.com/2010/07/plus-one-etiquette.html

How would OP know to invite a SO that wasn't in the picture when invites were sent out?

Adding someone's name to an invite is rude IMO.

While you're schooling us on (incorrect) etiquette, Muriel, you might want to consider the feelings of the people affected by the situation. You shouldn't split up couples. Period. Why would someone want to come celebrate your union when you're disrespecting theirs?

I would just let them know that unfortunately you can't accommodate a plus one. That being said, I'm not surprised you're getting asked about plus ones. Generally people feel if you're in a relationship, no matter the length, you should get to bring them.

That being said, when I was just starting to date someone there were weddings where I didn't get a plus one and I was never upset and understood weddings are expensive.

However, don't say you only gave serious relationships a plus one. It's insulting to qualify someone's relationship and I've had this happen to me. I would just say you can't accommodate a plus one for them

I think if the OP wanted to invite a "plus one" when invites were sent, she would have addressed the invitation to "John Doe and guest" - that's how you invite a "plus one" if you don't know if there is a relationship you don't know about (or may start after invites are addressed). If the OP knew that someone was already in a relationship, the invite would be addressed to "John Doe and Mary Smith", regardless of the length or seriousness of the relationship. By addressing the invite to "John Doe" - that means John and ONLY John.

This is an interesting situation you raise. They were not dating when you sent the invite (meaning there was no way to invite their SO because they did not exist) and when they send back their RSVP then they are dating someone. Against protocol, I recommend calling them to say it puts you over your limit. I recognize they are a social unit but this is distinct a SO being forgotten or unknown versus them literally not existing when the invite was sent out and guest lists are done.

If they didn't have a boyfriend/girlfriend before invites were sent out, then no they do not get a plus one. There is enough to worry about in those last few weeks without pouring over your list again to see if anyone has started dating anyone. That's absurd. OP, politely tell them you cannot accommodate more guests as other people have suggested.

ETA: also just my two cents, but I do not think that a bf/gf of a few weeks automatically counts as a SO nor are you automatically a social unit. I had quite a few people I dated for under a few months that I would have never considered that "significant" and would absolutely not been offended if they weren't invited to a wedding.

Haha anyone else dying laughing at Muriel's "sources" on etiquette.

People started doing that to me. I just let them know. I'm only allowed a certain number of people and can't have any extra I'm sorry for the miscommunication but I can't wait to see you there. Xoxo